My days at IIMK

Further excerpts from my biography on autopilot- sorry, autobiography. 

 Chapter 11: Calicut: Lola Kutty Land 

 There is an old joke about why mallus don’t get the time to work in Kerala. The explanation (according to the joke) is that they are too busy tying and untying their lungi. I presume it refers to the male mallus. But I think it is really unfair. I think the real explanation is that they are too busy teaching people the correct way to pronounce everything. Take the example of Calicut. Such a simple and uncomplicated name. But that would generate major unemployment in the state, because everyone can pronounce it. So, there is an official name change to Kozhikode. Even Vasco Da Gama would have lost his way, had this been done in 1498. Many people now happily spend hours, or maybe days, educating ignorant foreigners (non- mallus) on how to pronounce Kozhikode. Come to think of it, if a movie can be made about this education, it may beat “My Fair Lady” at the box office. 

 Jokes apart, one has to admit that Lola Kutty land is a unique place. These are some of its distinguishing features- 1. Almost total absence of any language other than the local 2. Amazingly green landscape 3. Almost zero industrial activity. Only West Bengal and the jungles of Amazon come close. 4. Almost equal split between Hindu, Christian and Muslim population 5. Correlated with above, beef, fish, chicken and pork sausages co-exist peacefully 6. Half the state works in the Middle East and remits money back home There could be a few more, but these are good enough to illustrate the uniqueness of the state. What happens in the state by way of economic activity is a mystery, because apart from fishing and some tourism, there are few visible signs of anything happening at all. It remains, as the tourist brochures say, “God’s Own country” in terms of nature’s beauty, but whether it can feed the population is a question mark. Probably the incoming dollars (or dinars) make up. 

 I have one major complaint about the average Malayali. It is that he rarely smiles. It may not matter to his fellow Malayalis, but I was taken aback by the apparent grimness. Maybe my sample was not representative enough, but I am fairly sure this observation is accurate. If it is so, then the reason should be found out, and a correction put in place. Anyway, I am digressing. I got a job at IIM Kozhikode (whichever way you want to pronounce it) and went there in May 2005. I just managed to beat the monsoon, and fortunately found a landlord who spoke English. He was very nice and helpful throughout our two year stay in his 4 bedroom house. The house had two halls, one on each floor, six coconut trees, one of jackfruit, and a few creepers with pepper pods on them. I really felt like a king. 

 We had a jet-setting director, who moved around as if he headed yatra.com. He was rarely in town, and we often joked (behind his back) that he spent more time with Jet Airways air hostesses than his own wife. Anyway, he was a true academic in the IIM A mould, and we got along reasonably well. As usual, the marketing area was in the doldrums with only three faculty members and many students (though less than Lucknow). My first six months at Calicut went in writing a new book (my second) on Services Marketing. I also taught the course, and students chipped in with some original case studies (at my insistence, of course) for my book. These became some of its highlights (USPs, or Unique Selling Propositions, for those of you in marketing). I think I must have inspired some colleagues to write books as well, because all the profs. around published a book in the next year or two (Suma, SSS Kumar, Tapan, Sunil Sahadev are some I can recall). I had always wondered why Indian management faculty did not write enough books. I found the explanation as I later pondered over the question. Writing something-anything- takes 100 times more effort than doing anything else. Maybe the pen is heavier, not just mightier, than the sword. Talking, sleeping, eating or traveling come to us almost naturally, but writing is an acquired taste (like Goat’s cheese or tequila). Many people come out with the weirdest excuses when asked to write anything, even their own CV. A case in point is MBA students. When asked to write a half page CV for a placement brochure, it takes some of them over a month to write it! For their own career! 

 I made a great new friend at Calicut called Ravi (it’s pronounced Revi, but I won’t go into that). He was a misfit, according to me, in mallu-land. He was open, outgoing, and he laughed a lot. Proof- a recent pic, shot in Bangalore when he visited. 

He also played cricket for the local club of which I had become a member. We played an inter club cricket match once, and I enjoyed the nets and the actual game tremendously. We won the match handsomely too. Ravi was also a cocktail enthusiast, and we spent a lot of time drumming up concoctions with whatever raw material we could find. Many exotic recipes were created and consumed. Feni, orange liquer, Bacardi, and the usual rum, brandy, vodka and gin were some of the liquors used. Pina colada was one of my favourites, and Polly’s Folly (vodka with lime, sliced green chilly and salt). We went on picnics with him and our families, and I went fishing with him too. A long boat was used, where only one of us could sit at one spot, so we sat one behind the other. We spent a quiet hour or so, and the experience was very soothing. 

 I conducted a conference along with an American association of marketing educators called NASMEI, and it proved to be a big hit. I was able to outsource the catering and venue arrangements to the local Taj hotel, which helped me to concentrate on the academic aspects. Tapan, my colleague, helped to coordinate the publishing of papers sent, and we published them in two edited volumes just in time for the conference. Gerard Tellis of NASMEI, USA, was very supportive, and got a few international delegates. A unique feature of this conference was that there was no (wasteful) inauguration or valediction ceremony-only working sessions with paper presentations. My director did not appreciate this much, but many participants did. 

 Casa Marina, where we had a couple of parties, was a beautiful seaside bungalow converted into a restaurant/hotel. It was owned by a German, and managed by a local. A little further up, P.T. Usha had her Academy where she trains girl athletes. A few hours drive up the coast is the town of Cannanore. Nearby, there is a beautiful seaside fort called Bekal. It has a magnificient view of the sea. On the way to Bekal, there is a drive-in beach. It has a tongue-twister of a name, Muzhappilangad. But it resembles the hi-flying Florida beaches in the Miami region, made famous by the partying students in March every year. This beach in Kerala is actually deserted, surprising considering its tourist potential. But we found this in many places in the state, and it probably speaks of lack of entrepreneurial effort. Maybe the entrepreneurs are terrified of the red flags that may greet him. Another lovely riverside resort in Calicut was Kadavu. This was a half hour drive, and offered luxury rooms, a nice restaurant, and boat rides in typical Kerala houseboats as well as regular motorboats. We took some of our participants from MDPs there for an evening party. Having prawn or fish with a beer in tow, gazing at the river, is a great experience indeed, comparable to some similar feelings one gets in Goa. 

 One memorable trip I remember from Calicut was to the Coorg area (now called Kodagu). Madikeri is the hill station that is a capital of the district. It is a quaint hill station, and has a very nice, quietening effect on the mind and soul. The only trouble is, the roads leading to it are soul-numbing. We traveled at around five kilometers an hour on some stretches to reach this place. But once there, it was delightful. Clean, reasonably priced, great food and lovely sights. One new activity that we tried at IIMK was conducting Faculty Development programs. We found there were lots of takers. The reasons are many. Our state-run university system leaves many faculty members disoriented and without proper mentors in teaching methods, research and publishing, and more. These gaping holes can be filled through faculty training programs, where they spend a week or so getting exposed to the best practices at a good B-school, in a non-threatening ambience. Another great learning experience at IIMK was the high tech distance learning program we had launched. This was delivered to 40 cities in India via VSAT by a company called Hughes Direcway, our technology partner. Students attended these classes on a computer terminal in their own city, with email and voice connectivity to the faculty. These were tremendous ways to bring mobility to education, and all IIMs later followed the lead of IIMK. We even launched a specialized Sales and Marketing program, and that was also a huge success. NIIT and Reliance later entered the fray as technology providers to some of the later entrants. 

 We also did a consulting project for Cochin Refineries on branding their petrol retailing efforts. This went down the tube, because the company was soon after merged with BPCL, ruling out any question of independent branding of its retail products. Mysterious are the ways some of our public sector companies work! Anyway, it was good to interact with all the officials of the refinery. We (my colleague Tapan and I) also found time to see ‘Hum Tum’ starring Saif and Rani (said to be a desi version of When Harry Met Sally) in a Cochin theatre during a visit. The monsoons in Kerala drive everything, it appears. Every Keralite worth his/her salt carries an umbrella all the time, maybe as a reminder that the rain god is just around the corner, and can open up in all his glory at any time. The buses in this communist dominated state are mostly privately run, and so is the case in Kolkata, another place with similar political inclinations. In other capitalistic states, the State transport is much more active. I once asked a friend about this contradiction, and his explanation was “They (the government) swallow all the money, and there is nothing left to run the buses with”. Don’t know if that’s the correct one, but it is an explanation. 

 A major difficulty (and a peculiar one) that I faced in Calicut was with regard to student projects. Being a strong advocate of student work right from my own student days, I came across a brick wall when my market research students came and told me that locals did not speak much English (if any), and therefore could not understand many of the questions in a typical (MBA generated) questionnaire. So we had to think of strategies like questions that had monosyllabic answers, and so on. But then, some of these problems occur in rural areas too, if you are trying to do research there. Graphics (figures etc. ) are better understood, and simple words without jargon are appropriate for these situations. Anyway, these were learnings for everyone. I also went with a student on a placement promotion trip to Mumbai, and that was another useful experience. We went to most of the big banks and a few consulting and FMCG (Fast Moving Consumer Goods, like toilet soaps and toothpastes) companies. It was nice to see mostly positive reactions from many of the potential recruiters. Though students took care of the logistics and nitty gritty of the placement process, I think the faculty visits gave them some moral support. 

 During my days at IIMK, a controversy broke out between the HRD ministry and the IIMs regarding fees to be charged from the MBA students. The ministry was trying to dictate the fees and IIMs were resisting this assault on their autonomy. The following piece was inspired by this tug-of-war. The then minister was Murli Manohar Joshi. 

 Murli Meets Mughal-e-Azam 

 Murli was visiting IIM Delhi, trying to convert the institute’s logo into a colour recognised by all- saffron. His logic was impeccable, but he came up with an unforeseen obstacle. The Great Mughal, who happened to be the Chairman of IIMD’s board. This is how their conversation went. 

 

Murli: Hamein Bharat ki sanskriti ki raksha karni hai. Is liye naye electives ki khoj karni padegi… jaise ki…murli bajakar bakriyon ko Manage karna. 

 Mughal-e-Azam: Hamari saltanat mein …hamara matlab hai hamari Institute mein yeh gustakhi karne ki jurrat karne wale aap kaun hote hain? Kya bhed-bakriyon ko manage karne wale multi-million dollars ki Securities Transactions ko manage kar sakenge? 

 Murli: Kyon nahin? Kya Praacheen kaal mein Krishna Bhagwan ne Dwarka mein raj nahin kiya tha? Aur apni madhur murli ki dhun se gopiyon ko bhi mantramugdh kar diya tha! Management aur gopiyon ka madhur sangam…nahin nahin..mera matlab hai Mangement aur bakriyon ka…nahin nahin… 

Mughal-e-Azam (interrupting)…Saleeeem……roko ise. Is shakhsiat se hamein bachao. Chalo, hum mughal raj ki tauheen aur bardaasht nahin kar sakte. Hum is Institute ke Chairmanship se istifa dete hain. 

 Murli: Ek aur baat sunte jaiye, jahan panah. Is institute ka logo ab saffron yane bhagwe rang ka hoga, kyonki Bharat ki pavitra dharti par aur koi rang aam janta ko itna pasand nahin hai. 

 M-e-A: Nahin…hamaari aakhri saans chalne tak hum yeh nahin hone denge. Is mulk ki…matlab Institute ki Autonomy ko hum thes nahin pahunchne denge. 

 Murli: Magar ye logo to Ministry ki den hai…ise badalna hi hoga…. FADE …..to strains of hindi song…LOGO, na maro ise, yahi to mera…