New Ways to Die

Who says the last inventor was Thomas Edison? We as a species have always been inventors. It's in our blood- or at least in a couple of us, like Zuckerberg. But I am not talking of dating inventions that went out of control here. I am talking of new ways to die.

In the good old days (just a turn of phrase, can't guarantee they were ACTUALLY good), we could only get a good old heart attack (by whatever name called), or drown in  a river.

Gradually, we invented car crashes (after cars were invented, of course), air crashes (likewise), and a sundry collection of such methods. Some went so far as to crash a Space Shuttle too, but that was rare.

Now, since  9/11, we have turned our attention to the dying process, and have turned innovative. Some top favourites are-

A selfie on the edge of a cliff- talk about LIVING on the edge!

The doctor leaving his scissors in your tummy. A scissarian section?

Driving while you text. What, you say it's too graphic? Text can't be, it's two different things..

Suicide (that's an old one) because of a breakup over FB Messenger (that's the twist).

Honour killing (old one) for even more trivial things (new reasons)- just watch any Hindi movie that is trying to unite two souls in love, and you'll have the annoyed parent pick up a gun and threaten to (or actually) kill his daughter, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, or all of the afore-mentioned. Sons are excluded, because they are needed to kill the next generation.

Trying to buy a first day ticket for a Rajnikanth film. Kabali, da..

Stock Market Crash

It appears there is a stock market crash in most major world markets today. It includes India, the U.S. and others such as Hong Kong and of course, the root cause of all these-China.

I do understand that stock markets are meant to go up and down-if not, they would not be markets. But China has managed to spook the world markets almost as much as Greece did a few weeks/months ago, almost single-handedly. I now feel that the house of cards that is the exchange market is also going to collapse one day, given that no one seems to understand the true worth of a national currency any more. If the currency is low, it is with an agenda in mind-usually the agenda is cheaper exports. But if everyone devalues their currency, who are they going to export to? It should even out in the end, assuming all are playing that game.

The answer may be the U.S., which usually does not end up devaluing the dollar so much, as all the devaluers expect the dollar to remain strong (if they are to remain weak) and the U.S. to increase imports of their goods (or services). Like all games we play, this has to show its true colours and reach an end game too. So let's wait and watch what happens. Another effect of this is that the Economic News channels are suddenly beating the TRP of Friends re-runs and Big Bang Theory.

Naming Rating Agencies

There's a serious problem we have on hand. No, it's not the European meltdown (sounds like a chocolate sauce, does it?), or the American Presidential election of Obama versus Romney, (though this one has the potential to be included in our discussion), or even our own (Presidential election).

We have a REAL problem- and that is, to find out who named the rating agencies who go around rating everything from financial instruments, to countries, and now it seems, even educational institutions. The guys who did it need to be institutionalised- seriously!

I mean, Standard and Poor? What kind of a name is that? If the goal is financial inclusion, either they should rate everybody as 'poor' or everyone as rich, with nothing in between. But couldn't they have found a better name?

Fitch is another one that sounds suspiciously like another word that rhymes with it and is much more popular, particularly in cat-fights. Cats don't talk, except in Murakami novels, so I am referring figuratively to our own species.

Moody's though, is the ultimate among the naming goof-ups. I mean, we are talking serious stuff like a country and its people's future here. Or at least a financial instrument. How the hell can anyone trust a rating from someone who is moody? Your rating would then be expected to yo-yo, based on the mood-swings of these esteemed personalities manning the agency.

God, please give them sense enough to rename themselves. If we can rename our files at will, why can't they? A brand consultant could make millions doing the job, and create a few to save the crashing economies, in the process!