Real Estate Advertising

Why is it called 'Real' Estate by the way? Its prices are unreal. The process of buying it is extremely testing. Building something real takes unreal amounts of energy, enthusiasm out of anyone attempting it. But best of all, is the advertising for it. Sample some real and some imaginary sales spiels for it.

1. Your dream home. Only 5 kms. from x, the farthest point on the outskirts of the city.

2. Why go to Venice? Venice can come to you. A canal in front of your bedroom window. (what would I do with a canal?)

3. Verdant meadows, ravishing scenery, clubhouse with gym (assuming you are obese enough to need one),  and shopping within reach (finally, something that makes sense).

4. Live among the elite in the city, with envious looks from everyone (who cannot look at you, because of the tight security and tall gates that prevent everyone from taking a peek). By the way, the elite don't know anything about you coming to live with them yet, or they would be running.

5. Views to kill for. After you actually see them, you may actually want to kill the guy who gave you this schmuk.

If I Ever Start A Business

If I ever start a business, these would be my top choices-

1. A retail store at Pune. Do nothing all the time, turn customers away half the time, a siesta from 1 pm to 4 pm. And still make enough sales to make a living. Marketing theory can go to hell.

2. A real estate agent. Do nothing most of the time, show a couple of houses to a customer once in a while, and make money because the guys are desperate to live somewhere, so they have to rent/buy

3. A sharebroker. This is my top choice, because there is greed all over the world, and it will make me (the share broker) rich. I would have said a dealer in fancy derivatives, but that game has now been overdone, and I might go to jail. Guys ahead of me on the curve got away with it.

4. Sell biryani (and kababs on the side) with a fail-safe recipe, preferably Hyderabadi or Lucknowi, in a place where they eat tons of it, like Hyderabad, or Lucknow. Having your cake and eating it too. I would enjoy dying with the aroma surrounding me. The stuff is God's gift to mankind (effect of a recent visit to Hyderabad).

5. Be a film star, preferably a Khan or a Kapoor or a Bachchan. Even with zero talent, producers will sign me on for at least five films, and if they all flop, I can still make merry with my grandpa's earnings.

Maybe you can think of a few more for me and you. We have time....