Bond Films

 Bond- James Bond! Iconic title songs, and that visual of Bond in a circular camera shutter, ..iconic stuff that we grew up with.

Of course, there were fast cars with stuff, other fancy gadgets, and exotic locations- from Iceland to the Bahamas. I was overawed with all that. The villains were iconic too, and Jaws was terrifying. But Bond had a solution to every problem. He never gave up. A good lesson.

And his one-liners were to die for...

With one of my favourite Bonds- in Lonavala.

Books That Need to be Written-Updated

There are many unwritten books, and many writers looking for fresh ideas. I thought I will make life easier- these are ideas for books.

1. If all the countries in the world give up nuclear arms..  being armless.

2. School Shootouts in the U.S.- an Encyclopaedia

3. Advice Gone Wrong- an even Bigger Encyclopaedia.

4. Election Speeches- the Biggest Global Compendium, since the start of democracy.

5. How to be an Intelligent TV Anchor

6. Why Bank Robberies are Passe, and Digital arrests are in.

7. Celebrity Suicides.. Who's Next?

8. Daya, Kuchh Gadbad Hai.. why CID Beats Sherlock.

9. How to Improve Your Quanti Fundas- and get into Quantico.

10. Generating and Managing Crowds.. elections and more.

11. Managing Social Media, and Becoming a Celebrity. (Linkedin Excluded)

Thinking of Titles

Everything needs a title, and it's tough to think of one..for a film, a TV show, or for a position. In Tamil nadu, and Andhra/Telangana, every star has a title, I am told..the titles could be Superstar, Star of Stars, Never-before-seen-star, or any other bizarre set of words. The announcement when a monarch entered his court, whether it was Akbar in Mughal-e-Azam or Shivaji in his court, included their titles.

Naming something-your child, or the brand your company has conceived-has the same problem-namely, the name. And once you name someone or something, it's branded for a long, long time. Naming films would be an equally difficult job, I am guessing.

Trying to recall names of some popular shows we watched on American TV in the late eighties, the following come to mind- The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Hawaii Five-O, Miami Vice, Remington Steele, Murder, She Wrote, ..or those later, such as Friends, Castle, The Big Bang Theory, Game of Thrones, etc. one can see a pattern of using the names of places, characters (or real ones, as in Cosby's case), and sometimes, the subject- such as Family Ties starring Michael J. Fox, or Friends.

I personally prefer short titles- Rajni, for instance, or Mahabharat, but Yeh Jo Hai Zindagi was also a favourite TV show when it ran.

Movie Titles

Jewel Thief, Sholay, Gol Maal, Chupke Chupke, Anand, Rajnigandha, Dil Diya Dard Liya, Kati Patang, Mere Jeevan Sathi, Aandhi, Lahu Ke Do Rang, Dulhan Wahi Jo Piya Man Bhaaye, Hum Kisise Kum Nahi, Yaadon ki Baaraat, Around the World, Chalti ka Naam Gaadi, Driver Ramudu (Telugu), Siri Siri Muvva (Telugu), Shankarabharanam (Telugu)..are some titles that I remember from old films.

The new ones (relatively) that I remember are Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge, Om Shanti Om, Kahani, Queen, Baazigar, Court (Marathi), Natsamraat (Marathi), Mungaru Male (Kannada), Swapnakkudu (Malayalam), Finding Fanny, Queen, ..

Hollywood Films

A Fish Called Wanda, History of the World- Part 1, Ben Hur, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Diamonds are Forever, Live and Let Die, Silent Movie, The Great Dictator, Modern Times, Where Eagles Dare, The Mask, Good Morning Vietnam, The Pink Panther series, Strangers on a Train, Dial M for Muder, Murder on the Orient Express...

Recent Hollywood Films

I actually haven't watched too many, so maybe I'll skip these..

Film Titles

Provocative film titles are out. You cannot single out one state and claim it's flying. Therefore, I propose that a basket of films be made simultaneously, highlighting personalities/achievements of various states, such as these-

Badalta Pradesh (With the song Badal jaaye agar mali, chaman hota nahi khali, baharen phir bhi aati hain)

Adarsh Golmaal

Achar-i Sanskruti

Baraste Megh

Neeti-yukt Praant

Gore gore mukhde pe Kala Kala Chashma

Karnatak aur Maharashtra ke Beech Mein

Chai pe charcha

Didi Tera Tewar Deewana

Balika Vadhu (for the big screen)

Lungi dance ke anokhe roop

What Got You Here...

I think there is a book titled 'What Got You Here Won't Get You There.' I thought that would be obvious. An Apple phone with GPS is now needed to go anywhere. But that makes me think- this is dangerous territory, as you know. I am now imagining all kinds of spoofy titles for books that could be written; if push comes to shove, I may write some of them myself, while the grey cells are still functioning. Be prepared for the following titles then.

Why Men Clean Their Cars and Women Their Homes, by Dr. Jobless Jones, Ph.D.

How to Unfriend People who Send you Candy Crush Requests, by Hail Carnegie

How Jobs Cleaned up Windows, by his ex-Cleanup Consultant

How Pepsi Uncovered Coke's Secret Formula, by a former chief of the KGB

Enemies, by the scriptwriter of Friends

The Cosby No-show, by the Five Find-outers

How to Kidnap Schoolchildren, by The Organization

The Highs and Lows of Oil Prices by OPEC

That Sinking Feeling, co-authored by CEOs of Spicejet and Malaysian airlines

Election Graffiti

Elections are usually the time for acerbic wit, and even usually docile people suddenly get animated. Some of the gems that keep popping up have to do with nicknames- Pappu, Pheku, Maut ka saudagar,  and so on.

A new title was coined after the very notorious weapon of mass destruction, aka the AK-47. This one is known as AK-49, named after the party founder who first did a sit-in, and then a walk-out from his own government, all in just 49 days. His cap and muffler have provided wonderful fodder to all the cartoonists around. A cartoon showed NaMo cough syrup as an antidote to his recalcitrant cough.

The case of the pot calling the kettle black is also pretty prevalent. Every party blames the other for all kinds of omissions and commissions (I am not referring to commissions of enquiry here, they are a saga unto themselves), as if they are comprised of saints and Mahatmas.  I wonder if the holier-than-thou posturing comes from having celebrated Holi recently! It is quite amusing to see banalities and generalities being bandied around with gay (used in a hetero context) abandon.

But the bottomline for me is that the election continuing to be fought every five years on the same issues, even after 65 odd years. Gives you a feeling of having been gypped, doesn't it?

Lyrical Titles

There seems to be a race to give longer and longer titles to the TV staple- soaps and family dramas- on Indian TV. At this rate, someone may decide to compete for the Guinness Book with the longest title ever for a TV soap. Sample some of these-a delightful mix of the real and fictitious-

Yeh rishta kya kehlata hai

Bade acchhe lagte hain

Kya ghar lautegi meri banno?

Ek hazaaron mein meri behna hai

Pyaar ka dard hai meetha meetha pyara pyara

I can suggest a few more that will follow this trend of copying from lyrics of older films-

Ghunghru ki tarah bajta hi raha hoon main...

Yeh kya hua, kaise hua, kab hua, kyun hua, jab hua...etc..

Hum jab honge saath saal ke aur tum hogi pachpan ki, bolo preet nibhaogi na tab bhi apne bachpan ki...

Hamare siwa tumhare aur kitne deewane hain?

Gum hai kisike pyaar mein dil subah shaam

Tere ghar ke saamne ek ghar banaunga

Aapko pehle bhi kahin dekha hai

Paon chhoo lene do phoolon ko inaayat hogi

You get the drift (this is not a title)...

Silly Translations

We used to play a game when we were teenaged and somewhat (?) silly. This involved literally translating Hindi film songs into English. It led to a number of hilarious phrases or lines, and served our purpose, which was to laugh uncontrollably. Don't know if that'll happen, but here is an attempt at the same skill applied to the same raw material, but with  the silliness improved by age and experience. Laughter therapy instead of chicken soup.

Film titles-

Laughing Injuries- Hanste Zakhm

Chor Machaye Shor- Thief Makes Noise

Pyaasa- Thirsty guy

Dil Deke Dekho- Give your Heart and See

Who am I Yours?- Hum Aapke Hain Kaun?

And a song to add to the repertoire-

This, what happened, how happened, why happened- Yeh kya hua, kaise hua, kyon hua

P.S. There was a variation of this with Telugu translations of English movie titles too, like The Deep becoming Lothu Ramudu and Mackenna's Gold becoming Yenkanna Bangaram!

Best Movie Titles-Bollywood

I put on my thinking cap- which I do, occasionally- and gave serious thought to the most creative movie titles of all time (time for me, is basically post 1960, when I entered the portals of this world). I came up with the following -

1. Dulhan Wahi Jo Piya Man Bhaaye- a nice comedy drama from Rajshri Pictures.

2. Albert Pinto ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hai- by Saeed Mirza, I think.

3. Love in Tokyo, made when half of India didn't know their Tokyo from their left toe.

4. Ishq, Ishq, Ishq, by Dev Anand. It's somewhat like the advertising wisdom, followed by the Nirma jingle, that you should repeat the product name as many times as possible. Darling, Darling, also a Dev Anand movie, did the same.

5. Mughal-e-Azam. In terms of a zabardast title, one can't get any better. The sound of it, and what Prithviraj Kapoor did in his dialogue delivery, was wonderful.

6. Ishq Par Zor Nahin- I think it starred Dharmendra, and the line is taken from a famous sher (Urdu poem) by Ghalib, or a celebrity poet of his stature.

7. Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro- lovely title for a rollicking comedy.

8. Thodasa Roomani Ho Jaayen- an Amol Palekar, Nana Patekar movie, if I remember right. Very different in its theme and treatment.

9. Aap Aaye Bahaar Aayi. Nice thing to say to someone.

10. Khosla Ka Ghosla. Very evocative title. Gharaonda too, on the same lines.

Rowdy Rathore- Not a Review

What you have here is a picture of Rowdy Rathore (me) circa 1984, at a Delhi location- undisclosed, of course, because of security concerns. I am really amazed at the titles the cinema producers/directors come up with these days. Nothing against macho sounding names- after all, action movies have a wider appeal than love stories, just like wars have a wider appeal than peace initiatives, as history has proved. A so-called peace-loving nation like the U.S. is perpetually at war with someone just to prove the point.

But at least the titles can be a bit imaginative, like Sholay or at least Dabangg. Why a Rowdy in the title? Is the idea to put off family audiences (assuming they ARE put off by such things). On another note, Hema Malini disapproves of mainline heroines doing item numbers, if her views have been correctly reported. I would agree with her whole-heartedly. Helen was the ultimate item girl, and she was a specialist. The mainline heroines try too hard, and it shows, besides throwing professional dancers out of work. 

On a more positive note, Nagpur Crossword is doing a promotion of my book titled (no, not 'Rowdy Me', sorry to disappoint you) 'My Experiments with Half-truths', which is an autobiography that I wrote sometime ago. Coming Saturday, 7 pm. So I will get to taste celebrity status for a little while. Will let you know how it feels after the event. Shah Rukh, watch out, here I come!

More Murakami

I just finished one more of his books (South of the Border, West of the Sun) and am halfway through another (Norwegian Wood). Don't know where he gets his ideas for the titles, but these and the cover designs of his books are both startling, and attract even a casual browser in a store. That's how I got introduced to him. Not through a book review or a recommendation from anyone.

I am still struggling to find the right adjective for his prose. Dazzling, lyrical, emotional are all possible adjectives. But it's somehow not adequate. Other-worldly, Surrealistic, sound more appropriate. Because even when he is describing physical love (the first book has some of that), it somehow transcends the known. Even his decsription of a mind and thoughts is something unexpected, and so is his description of Tokyo sewers. Or earthquakes. (After the Quake is also a collection of his short stories)

The stories themselves are varied, from the normal growing up angst of a teenager to mid-year crises, broken hearts, and so on, but marvellously put together. I have yet to come across such a languid yet gripping writer (of course, I am reading the translated English versions). Though I don't read much fiction these days, I can't seem to have enough of this guy.

Book of Ignorance

That's the hilarious title of a book I am currently reading. It lists our many misconceptions and then proceeds to clear them up. Ranges from silly to the sensible. For example, How many wives did Henry the Eighth have? Apparently he married quite a few and then annulled the marriages, which means they "never happened', reducing the actual number by a few. Many such gems of knowledge that's a must for all. Still reading it, and will therefore update all you poor souls.

One such book I read a long time ago was A book of Insults I think compiled by : Louis Safian. It had delightful insults. It was a good conversational tool for a long time when I was in college. At least 25% books sell on their titles alone. For example, Why Men Don't Look at Maps, and Women Cry or something of that sort. Or, Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars etc. Blink and The World is Flat are also good titles.

As for movies, people are so short of titles that they keep using old ones over and over. Like Humraaz, or Khamoshi. The other trick is to use songs from old films to give you titles, like Hum Hain Rahi Pyar ke, or Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jayaenge (originally a song from Chor Machaye Shor). Ghajini was unusual, because it uses the villain's name as its title.