Race 4 - A Script

 There was this horrible Hindi film called Race 3 a couple of years ago. So, being the creative mind that I always was (patting myself on the back is congenital and incurable), I sat down to think about a script for their next- Race 4. If you can't beat them, join them was my watchword. And, I succeeded. So here it is. I am selling it to the highest bidder.

Race-4

There are 4 teams in the race announced by the Intergalactic Vehicles Association based on Asteroid no. 420. The four are- Branson with a virgin (craft), Jeff Bezos with a new girlfriend, Elon Musk with a pet, and Salman Bhai with Katrina Kaif (or Jacqueline, based on who wins THAT race- to speak Hindi properly).

They start from the Sahara desert, because there's no parking available in Nevada anymore. All of them have a crew of two to four, in case they get lost, and have to be steered back to Earth. Whoever finds the headquarters of the Godforsaken Planets Association (GPA) on Pluto wins. 

They all blast off at the scheduled hour, when an Olympics gun borrowed from Tokyo is fired. Katrina (or Jacqueline) looks at Bhai and says, "Yeh kya ho raha hai?" like Dhritarashtra did in Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro when mayhem took place in his court. Bhai explains the rules of the game to her and says, "Don't worry, Bro, hum hi jeetenge." (the dialogue writer from Race 3 was borrowed here). 

The vehicles run by the competitors all have the latest solid fuel technology, and take an intial lead. But they are no match for the Hindi film heroes that take inspiration from writers that gave them so many flights of fancy over the years. So, there is a happy ending (not that kind, the filmy one), and Bhai's craft (with Jacqueline, or Katrina) sails into the GPA HQ and lands gingerly, waving the Tiranga. The crew sings to the losers, who appear after a few minutes- "Tum besahara ho to, kisi ka Sahara bano,." -signifying THE END.

There are a few twists and turns along the way that I cannot reveal, because this script is for sale. Interested? Bids close tomorrow.

Shudh Desi Script

I am inspired by the title of a recent Bollywood film called Shudh Desi Romance. I thought about the lack of original scripts and decided to come up with a decidedly pure Hindi film script. This can be used by any wannabe director who can't afford a regular scriptwriter.

Boy (loosely used - could be from 20 to 45 years old) meets girl (age is unmentionable).

Sings a dard-bhara love song. If you don't know what that is, stop aspiring to be a Hindi film director and drive a truck.

Girl falls for the hero, and then they both sing a song prancing around gardens of Switzerland, USA or any of the tourist wonderlands.

Enter a villain. Centuries ago, this used to be a very tame rapist or jaaydaad grabber like Prem Chopra, or Ranjeet. Now, it is a guy who aspires to be a world-conquering ganglord, like a Bond villain. But the old world ones had priceless dialogue like "Ise liquid oxygen mein daal do. Oxygen ise marne nahin dega aur liquid ise jeene nahin dega."

Through skills like dance, karate, singing more dard-bhare songs, and setting the U.S. on them (after Syria of course) through diplomacy, jumping over roofs in a rapid sequence (a la Salman the tiger), etc., the hero destroys the villain and his ambitions to rule the world.

Add a kiss (we began to kiss in the 1990s, you know) and an item song (heroine can double up here if budgets are limited), and you have a perfect recipe for a shudh desi romance/action/drama.
And if you don't have the budget for a regular music composer, go for Bappi Lahiri. Ooh, la, la, ooh, lala..

Kahaani- Film Review

Yet another great film for Vidya Balan. A pregnant software engineer from London searching for a missing husband. An innocuous-looking start has so many twists that it leaves you gasping. A taut script does not let up even once during the length of the film- that's unheard of in Bollywood, right? Only Neil Nitin Mukesh's debut film had that kind of crisp editing that I remember.

The cast of police and Intelligence Bureau characters is well-thought out, and the kids too have acted well. The atmosphere of Kolkata and Durga Pooja is captured well by the camera. The lack of songs is a great help in keeping the story alive and moving. Hats off to the director and editor. Truly absorbing and highly recommended.