Obsessions of Indians

 Americans are obsessed with 'football'- not as we know it. The foot is hardly used. Anyway, it's a national obsession. In India, we fret about cricket in the same way. Every run, each ball in every match big or small, is analysed by armchair pundits. Opinions about batsmen or bowlers see-saw faster than the stock market, or the dollar exchange rate.

But there is another obsession we have (not the fat wedding), which is not talked about as much. Education. From pre-primary play schools, to Kindergarten, and onwards, we obsess about schools, and grades-only we call them marks. It may sound crazy (it is? Ok), but every parent is obsessed about what his kid will study- at least in the middle class, which is infinitely larger than we assume based on statistics (which are dodgy at best). Whether it is the Board exams given by Super-bored students, or entrance exams that are cracked by the super-prepared ones, one thing stands out. The obsession about education, IITs, or IIMs, or the National Law Schools, that recently entered 'the league'. 

Coaching classes seem to be the largest industry in India, though fragmented into hundreds of brands in each town. Kota is a town known only for coaching classes, the way Hyderabad once was -or the whole of Andhra Pradesh. 

If we only cared as much about the outcomes of that education on society and its well-being..

Airline Brands

Once upon a time, there were these brands of airlines-

Pan Am- an example of a failed American enterprise.
TWA- Another example.
Modiluft- one of the Modis and Lufthansa collaborated on this one.
East West- Came from the Middle East, and went nowhere.
Sahara- later besahara, and sold to Jet, it had a nice tagline, "Emotionally yours" . Its erstwhile promoter is now in jail.
Kingfisher- flashy and stylish while it lasted.
Kingfisher Red- was always in the red.
Jet Konnect- it was 'jettisoned' coz it had lost its connect with passengers.
Paramount- it's of paramount importance to find out what went wrong with it.
Sabena- despite its Arabian-sounding name, it was a Belgian carrier. Hercule Poirot would know.
Indian Airlines- My first flight ever was on this airline, from Dibrugarh to Calcutta (it was still that in 1983). Merged with Air India.



Other airlines I have flown (and did not necessarily cause to stop flying, except a couple) are Indigo, Go, Spicejet, Trujet, Thai, Malaysian, Singapore, Swiss, Eastern (US, domestic), US Air, Delta, Air Asia, Tiger, Air France, Lufthansa. I remember Air France had a good selection of wines.

Modi- A Marketing Genius

This is not about politics, but about academics. In particular, the discipline called Marketing. Whatever may be your political inclinations, one must acknowledge a marketing guru when you see one. I consider Anna Hazare as one, and Modi as another.

The hysteria among commoners and Kings to welcome him anywhere he chooses to go (China, Japan, Bhutan, Nepal are some recent places), is something seen rarely in these days of extreme cynicism. What contributes to this series of grand welcomes is not clear yet. But it is true that a lot of people believe he can deliver. The simple things he talks about in a simple (simplistic at times) manner is a great lesson in communication. We often get carried away by big words and bombast without asking any of the 'marketers' in politics to spell out what they intend to do. A brand that does that in any other category will certainly fail.

The image of a no-nonsense, grounded hard worker has remained, right from his campaigning days. His shrewd marginalising of potential 'competitors' within the party has not been missed by many. His use of the media when it suits him (and staying away at other times) has left people begging for more (scarcity creating 'demand'?). His vision of a great, self-sufficient India has a lot of buy-in among youth tired of old, corrupt and moribund politicians who did little (or could have done a lot more) for the common man.

Finally, if you can market yourself to Americans in the U.S., the quintessential land of marketers, you got it made!

Reservashuns

There are Indian reservations in the US. No, it's not seats on a plane, or a job, that I am talking about. These are places where native Indians (pre-Columbus) can have their own lifestyle, a sort of autonomous region within the states.

In India, we have different kinds of reservations. For jobs. Imagine having reservations, in the following-

1. Cricket team (The Wall may have crumbled even before being built)
2. Docs in hospitals (population may reduce unintentionally)
3. Pilots (MH 370 would be just a blip on the radar of incidents)
4. Film acting (all Kapoors rendered jobless in one stroke- they may have to turn to agriculture, so that they still influence our culture)
5. Music- The Mangeshkar sisters would not have got an opportunity? Kishore Kumar would have been a stand-up artist.
6. Politics ( Mayawati might have been PM for 10 years instead of Manmohan Singh)
7. Car mechanics- you would have lots of fun driving a car, not knowing what would snap.
8. Builders- we can have a building collapse a day, easily beating world records.
9. Movie directors- "frankly, my dear," this would not change anything!
10. Blog writers. You know what, I might just hang up my boots.

Dave Barryisms

Dave Barry is one of the best American sit-down comics (I don't know if he does stand-up comedy) I have read. Here are a couple of his gems from 'Dave Barry Does Japan,' which I am reading slowly, so that I can savour it longer- the way you linger over your favourite ice-cream. Not his exact words, but the jokes are his-

As I got off the plane, I noticed rightaway something unique about Japan. For  lack of a better phrase, I'll call it "lack of height." Every Japanese person was tall as our average school boy, without the guns.

The Bellboy got the luggage into the hotel room, and then did something amazing. He left! In America, he would have stayed with you until you remembered to tip him.


Translation of Japanese people speaking English into American.

Ah- No

I see- No

I will think about your proposal-  It will be sent to the shredder.

Note: The polite Japanese never say no. So the thick-headed Americans need this Guide to Japan to help them understand what's going on, according to Barry.

American Desi Names

Most people in the US can't (or think they can't) pronounce Indian names. Anyway, whether that's true or not, names of Indians in the US get modified (no, this is not a political statement, even if it contains the word 'Modi' hidden somewhere).

So the names of people change, usually to a short and easier-on-the-tongue version. I used to teach at the Clemson University as a grad student, and my name Rajendra was shortened to Raj, which was similar to Rog (for Roger) and therefore easy to say. A friend in California, Kiran, shortened his to Ken, which proved useful to him in business- he was into real estate broking. He also converted his last name from Kenjale to Jolly, which I think is a stroke of genius.

In academics, we now have several Indians at US universities, who have adopted a different strategy. They use a name twice, one in a shortened form and another in the original. So you have a Nat Natarajan, or a Das Narayan Das (who is a friend, incidentally, a prof at Harvard), or Rajan Varadarajan (not sure if his is of this form, because Rajan could be a name too). I think this is an interesting way to do it, from a marketing point of view. Remember, there is an adage in advertising that the more you repeat your (product) name, the better it is for people to remember. So it is with people's names.

So I henceforth will rename myself as Kar Nargundkar. By the way, that does not rhyme with Car.

The Great Gatsby

Just read this book in one sitting. Not many books can be read in one sitting-at least by me, these days. That is a huge plus, for this one. F.Scott Fitzgerald is the author-one might wonder, why is the F. hanging in front of his name? I don't know.

When you are through, the only thing which remains is an old-world romance, when men were men, presumably, and women were, well, women. Told from the third person's vantage viewpoint. The narrator is the heroine's cousin, and tries to help her (now married) rekindle an old love affair, justified by the fact that her husband is already having an affair of his own. The Gatsby in question, is a self-made plus inherited millionaire who throws big parties at his mansion across the bay from where his ex-girlfriend, the heroine, lives. He hopes to meet her one day (and does) to relive their earlier romance and take it forward. The twist in the tale comes from an unfortunate road accident that involves many of the players, and brings the story to an unexpected end.

Whether anyone would do such a thing today-particularly, a wealthy modern Gatsby, is a moot question. What I liked about the book is its style, and its brevity. Some social commentary too, on the 1920's America, but that's by the way.