Good Versus Evil

 They say the world is a constant tug of war between Good and Evil, or Good and Bad. All epics or legends have these two sides, so do most movies. But the idea of setting up a BAD bank gave me some ideas.

Why not have a Bad Governance model, and study it as a contrast to Good Governance models? It will be interesting, to see who is classified where.

We can also have a Bad Boy award, like a Good Boy award, in schools. So we recognise both, and know where we (and they) stand.

Not just boys, we do this for Girls too. Not all girls are good (though most are).

A Bad Actor Award- an Oscar or Filmfare for really bad acting? Ram Gopal Verma would win for Bad Direction every year, at least in India.

Bad Cricketer Award, maybe? Bad Author?

Bad Politician award may get controversial, and there might be too many contenders, so we'll forget that.

Bad Teacher Award, along with Best Teacher?

Ok, will let you think of some more, I am running out of Bad ideas.

Japan Experiences- Service

A recent trip to Japan resulted in several experiences, some unique, and most very good. I will share two service experiences because Indians will find both different, if not strange.

As we waited for the ANA flight (Delhi-Tokyo Narita) to take off around midnight at Terminal 3, we saw a strange sight. All the stewardesses assembled in the seating area near the gate, and got into an animated discussion with each other about various things, related to the guests on board that flight. They were speaking in Japanese, but one could see the sincerity of purpose and dedication that they brought to the job. I have never seen anything like it before, so I was stupefied. We tend to take work -any work- a lot more casually out here.

The second was an experience at a local bank in Beppu, Japan. We went in around 9.30 in the morning into an empty bank, and asked to change a few dollars into Yen, the local currency. The procedure took almost twenty minutes, after what looked like several layers of checks, or signatures, or verification of the currency's genuineness. This was puzzling, as it rarely takes more than a minute in many international destinations- I have tried this at least in Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand. We never found out the reason, but I assume that they are thorough in their doing things, which is not a bad thing. Couldn't help wondering that in India, given our crowds in banks, we'd never get any work done at this pace.

More experiences later.

Cliches and Platitudes

The law will take its own course. How many times have we heard this one, about an ongoing investigation into the crimes and misdemeanors of the high and mighty, from politicians, businessmen to cricket players/admins/bookies and so on?

May I ask very humbly, what other course is the law supposed to take, if not its own?

We are seized of this matter. Again, usually an administration fobbing off demands for action. Since most administrations are ill-equipped for it, what this usually means is that they are having a 'seizure' with the thought that they have to move their butts and actually do something.

The benefits should go to the poorest of the poor. Anyone who mouths this usually has several layers between himself and the segments he/she is talking about.

Customers are our top priority. Barring about eight companies, this is a travesty of the truth, and of what happens on the ground. Aided by bull-headed, unfriendly rules such as KYC, which makes opening a bank account akin to scaling the Kanchenjunga. Except during Jan Dhan yojanas. Everest is renewing a license, or a passport. Why this needs planning like in an expedition never has been explained satisfactorily.

Innovations To Kill Boredom

Here are some neat ideas (95 on a 100 point neatness index) for innovations that can kill boredom in common situations we face.

1. A nodding puppet which nods metronomically, to sit in front of an old relative repeating his/her tales of the past for the nth time, so you can slink away, do your own thing and come back in a while.

2. A smoke-generating toy which can be used to scare people and make a long line disappear in a crowded place - can be used in a bank, amusement park, or in a booking counter for IPL. Just for long enough to give you enough time to get to the front of the line.

3. A joke-telling device- the J-app, which you switch on in the most morose situations- like an airline journey, the most humourless of all. Will tell a joke at the click of a button, but only when electronic devices are allowed to be switched on, by the morose air host. Will make passengers jealous if you laugh too much, though. Use carefully.

4. An animated dancer that performs a dance of your choice on screen while you wait for your page to load on the computer on a slow day in cyberspace. This can also be adapted for your mobile if you have a bad connection.

5. A dialogue programmer where you can program the dialogue you want to hear and play it along with the TV, automatically muting the IPL commentators, or the talkative Arnab Goswami, or the garishly made-up ma-in-laws/daughter-in-laws of the various serials, or the tiresome judges of reality shows on TV. This gives you immense scope to test your creativity, and you may end up writing some masterpieces like 'Kitney Aadmi They'  or ' Phir Bhi Waapas Aaye? Khaali Haath?' from Sholay, one day.

The Pleasures of Inefficient Service

The title may sound oxymoronic or simply moronic, but there are occasions when slow and inefficient service is better than the quick, cut and dried version. I had an experience like this at a McDonald's a couple of days ago. With some friends, we ordered three things, one of which was promised to us soon at the table, and it never arrived for about 45 minutes. We reminded a passing body (employee), and then it did arrive. If we had not, maybe it would have been even later! The whole point of the Irani chai joints in Hyderabad and elsewhere was to have a long chat with friends with a single chai (half a cup of tea). You can of course, carry on at a Coffee Day or a Barista too, albeit at a higher out-of-pocket expense. And you may get some dirty looks if the place is full. This is guaranteed not to happen in an Irani chai place. Here is a pic of one here that does not exist any more- used to be in the Osmania University campus at Hyderabad, and a favourite with students.

Anyway, we were doing nothing in particular except (real) chatting, and so, it actually did not matter. Gave us more time to do the needful, anyways. So there are occasions like these, when slow service may be better than fast service. Elderly citizens may go to a bank to socialise if they are lonely, and turning them out in a jiffy might offend them. They don't use ATMs in some cases, because you can't talk to an ATM.

HDFC Bank

Ages ago (it seems), India had a nationalised banking system, and they used to treat customers like dirt. And for housing, there was no one to turn to for loans. Then Housing Development Finance Corporation (HDFC) was set up and the rest is history. They became the pioneers of the housing finance industry in India. All others were imitators. Later on, the company ventured into banking for retail and corporate sectors. All through, they preserved their ethical standards of doing business. Briefly, we worked for the erstwhile HDFC as their market research agency when I worked in industry in the mid-eighties. I was struck by their professionalism and niceness towards everyone, customers and others, while dealing with the company.

The reason for such a long spiel about the company is that even today, they come across as a very honest, conservative bank- which is probably how a bank should be- if you don't want to send the financial world into a tailspin, that is. They have a program of recruiting managers for their fast-growing branches through a collaborative effort with select B schools, and IMT Nagpur is one of those B Schools.