If I Were Santa

 What I may do-

Present people with lots of brooms and mops, to clean up the surroundings. We have a long way to go.

Teach world leaders to stop being in office forever.. too many seem to be unretiring, and unrepentant about it.

Ditto for cricketers who have outlived their usefulness.. Gavaskar had once said, "It's better to go when people are asking Why, instead of waiting till they say Why Not?"

Teach screenwriting and editing to as many filmy types as possible. Brevity is the soul of wit, but a lot of witless directors don't understand it.

Ask people to exchange gifts themselves, so I can retire. 

Gundappa Vishwanath's Autobiography

 There were many gentlemen cricketers in that era, which I had the good fortune to grow up watching. Vishy was one of them. Though he was not as big a star as perhaps Gavaskar or Tendulkar (later), he had a personality which stood out. Also known as the man of Cuts and Square-cuts, his autobiography is full of humility for all the well-known personalities of his era. 

This includes anecdotes about Jaisimha, Pataudi, Man Singh (administrator), Polly Umrigar, Vijay Manjrekar, and of course, Prasanna, Chandrasekhar, and Wadekar. Pataudi held a special place in his heart, as he was "spotted" by the former captain when he made a double hundred in a Ranji Trophy match, and nurtured into the Indian team. Full of unknown tidbits about the 1971 twin tours of West Indies and England which turned the course of India's cricketing fortunes, and much more. Well-narrated, and a must read for anyone who loves cricket and wants to know about the pre-Rahul Dravid gentle cricketer from Bangalore.

Pontification

We all (and not just the Pontiff) like to pontificate. We love to hold forth on subjects that we may or may not know much about. "Money makes the world goes around" is a blatantly wrong statement. Pontification does.

Count the number of pontiffs (defined as those who pontificate) around you. Start at the top and work your way down, until you get to the bottom of things. Random guys are fond of giving lectures or expert advice on just about anything, from curing baldness to making (not making out) in India.

Some species rather fond of this are the politicians/ministers, judges (look at irrelevant parts of judgements), lawyers (same with arguments), and the ones we encounter the most in life (no, I didn't say spouses)- the teachers.

Teachers in India like to think they are experts on everything under the sun. You could ask a teacher about how to climb Everest, and without batting an eyelid, he/she will hold forth for an hour or two. Change the question to something about paleontology, and he will do the same, even if he teaches computer programming in real life.

The best I have reserved for the last. The Amazing Cricket Fan. He invariably has the combined wisdom of Sunil Gavaskar, Harsha Bhogle, Ravi Shastri, Srikkanth, Sidhu (Khataaak!), Salim Durrani (he was known for hitting sixers at will before Gayle came along). He can't stop talking, period, when you open the subject of why India didn't make it to the finals of XYZ tournament. In his mind, He is a Champion -in mine, he is a champion, but among pontiffs. The full Ponty, if you will.

If you can't quantify, pontify!

Ungodly Barbs- This is not Cricket

In Indian cricket, there is a God. His name (like mine) ends in a 'kar'. There was, in the early years (of my watching or rather hearing it on radio) of cricket in India, another God, whose name also ended in a 'kar'. Will not need a lot of intelligence to figure these two out. So far, so good.

Only, now, it seems there's trouble in paradise. Some people say that we create gods. If that's true, they must reflect our realities to some extent, plus of course, some imagination. Anyway, coming back to the trouble at hand, it seems God Sr. has raised questions about God Jr. (also sometimes called master blaster) and his age and related faculties, like eyesight and resultant footwork. These acute observations came during an obtuse innings that he played in the ongoing Test match against the New Zealanders, who got him bowled by bowling very 'zeal'ously.

Now, God Sr. was known to have tackled the bouncers as well as the googlies, but also has a record of having scored the slowest runs in a match, putting him in the category of the Geoff Boycotts for whom it was a left handed game (sorry, baayen haath ka khel, literally). So is it the case of the pot calling the kettle names?

Hope the Kohlis and the Pujaras get us out of this ungodly mess (someone has to), and we continue to have Gods to worship. What if they are new ones?