Quickest Way to Become a Prof.

 This is strictly humour, so put your tongue in your cheek before you go ahead.

There's nothing to it, you just have to look old. If you ARE old, it's not a problem (look at me). If you aren't, you may want to invest in Baldness creams (these may not have been invented, so don't lose your hair over it, just get a wig), Hair-whitening dyes, and so forth. It would be a wise investment. (A corollary-all old people sound like profs. -you'll see why)

Point number 2- You pontificate. And I recommend the Full Ponty (sorry, Monty Python). Don't do it halfway. Unless most of your audience is asleep (but not snoring), you are not counted as a success. It does not matter WHAT you pontificate about, as long as you do. Remember the Nike slogan, and Just Do It! If it's online, the kids have gone to play football after logging in, so it's even easier.

What's the point of all this? That's just the point. You want to become a prof., and now you are there. Ph.D.s and research prowess etc. are over-rated. My way is simpler-far simpler. You will thank me for it, but I may be too busy pontificating, to acknowledge.

Prof AK Rao No More

Just heard from friends that Prof. AK Rao who taught us Operations Research is no more. He was famous for a coastal Andhra accent while teaching it, and we still remember some of the Cake mix problems, though the subject itself was nobody's favourite,. but he was, and that's wonderful, I think. He was always smiling, and friendly, in and out of class, even if you had got a D in his course (I didn't say I did). I once taught O.R. in the US, and mainly due to his course that I had taken before. I had met him during and after his stint as the director of SDM, Mysore. His article for our student mag IMBIBE is also fresh in my mind, because he was sporting enough to write for us editors. Here it is, as a small tribute.

My Grandparents

Talking about storytelling, the other day, I was reminded of my grandparents. Both were good storytellers- my maternal grandparents. My grandmom told us many stories, among which were classics like The Count of Monte Cristo- years later, I visited Chateau D' If, near Marseilles, where the story is set. My grandfather we heard less often but he had a favourite animal story about a rabbit who poses as a fierce animal from inside a cave, and scares a lion away!

 My grandmother (Radha Oak), above.

 My grandfather (Madhav Ramchandra Oak), above and left top, in the photo below. He was a professor of Philosophy, and worked at Jaipur and Amalner (where Mr. Premji's family had started).

My grandmother was also highly creative, and came up with a poem/verse to celebrate many family events- such as the birth of a child (she had many kids, and grandkids), or a marriage. She also published a collection of these, in small, multiple volumes titled The Inner Voice (Antariche Bol, in Marathi).

Some Academic Learnings

There are life learnings and other learnings. Some may be termed learnings from corporate life (the Scott Adams or Sidin Vadukut types). Others are academic learnings- those we academics learn from our life.

These can be summed up in simple equations, with some English thrown in for ease of understanding the concepts. You get it?

Student's grading of his own effort > Professor's grading of student's effort.

Likewise, the Prof's evaluation of his greatness < Student's evaluation of the same

Correlation between the grade obtained by student and feedback obtained by the prof = High

If there is a tough Prof, chances of student's effort being high = Good (Probability> 0.8)

If there is a 'soft' Prof., chances of this high effort = Low (Probability < 0.2)

If the group assignment involves lots of work, the Work done by a student= Total Work divided by the number of students in the group

Professor of The Year- A Non-review

Well, the movie is yet to be made, so I can't really review it- not even view it, actually. So maybe I'll just put out a possible plot.

There is a contest for professors at a Business School. The profs don't look like profs, but more like teenagers. Just like students in films never look like students. So they can sing, dance, climb trees or do whatever the script asks of them.

The contest involves devising the best exam in a subject, giving the best lecture in a class, and drumming up the best home-work assignment.

There are three hot contenders for the grand prize. Two guys and a lady- profs all. Here's what happens.

1. The lectures are all uniformly boring, and put everyone to sleep. So it's not a differentiator among the contestants.

2. The exam. The Ethics prof asks his students to analyse where Rajat Gupta went wrong, ..in getting caught, and how he could have prevented it. The marketing prof asks his students to create an ad for Kingfisher airlines soliciting passengers. Use of calendar girls is allowed, as they have just been chosen after a rigorous process. The International Business prof asks her students to analyse three differences between Starbucks and Cafe Coffee Day, not counting the logo and brand name. The winner? You vote through an SMS, dear reader.

3. The assignment. The students have to go to a disco, and measure the physical exertion versus satisfaction derived from doing a samba, a salsa and a hip-hop routine. And write an essay- this from the marketing prof. The Ethics prof asks his students to write a review of Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro and its possible impact on creating awareness about ethical issues. The International business prof asks her students to go on a tour to Indonesia and find out if they can survive a Richter scale -4 earthquake-live project.

Once again, you vote through SMS, and we will conclude who is the winner, next time. Jo jeeta, wahi sikandar.

How to Read Novels Like a Professor

This is the title of an interesting book by Thomas Foster. We all (those of us who do) read books, but rarely think about them in an analytical way, unless we are doing an M.A. or Ph.D. in English literature. What we could certainly do is to read this book, if we are not into the said courses. It is an illuminating read, a la Bryson on any subject.

For instance, he traces the history of the hero or protagonist of novels over the years. From a pure, snow-white like guy full of virtues, he turned grey and sometimes it became difficult to distinguish between the villain and him, he was so dark (only in character).

The story of why books have chapters (and some rebellious ones don't), is also well told. Early books were not books, but appeared as serial columns in newspapers or magazines. The debate about naming chapters versus simply numbering them, in either Arab numerals or Roman ones, is also good.

An enjoyable read, and looking forward to finishing it. Got interrupted by some geographical movement between the capital city and my family's abode to celebrate my mom's 83rd birthday.