Race 4 - A Script

 There was this horrible Hindi film called Race 3 a couple of years ago. So, being the creative mind that I always was (patting myself on the back is congenital and incurable), I sat down to think about a script for their next- Race 4. If you can't beat them, join them was my watchword. And, I succeeded. So here it is. I am selling it to the highest bidder.

Race-4

There are 4 teams in the race announced by the Intergalactic Vehicles Association based on Asteroid no. 420. The four are- Branson with a virgin (craft), Jeff Bezos with a new girlfriend, Elon Musk with a pet, and Salman Bhai with Katrina Kaif (or Jacqueline, based on who wins THAT race- to speak Hindi properly).

They start from the Sahara desert, because there's no parking available in Nevada anymore. All of them have a crew of two to four, in case they get lost, and have to be steered back to Earth. Whoever finds the headquarters of the Godforsaken Planets Association (GPA) on Pluto wins. 

They all blast off at the scheduled hour, when an Olympics gun borrowed from Tokyo is fired. Katrina (or Jacqueline) looks at Bhai and says, "Yeh kya ho raha hai?" like Dhritarashtra did in Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro when mayhem took place in his court. Bhai explains the rules of the game to her and says, "Don't worry, Bro, hum hi jeetenge." (the dialogue writer from Race 3 was borrowed here). 

The vehicles run by the competitors all have the latest solid fuel technology, and take an intial lead. But they are no match for the Hindi film heroes that take inspiration from writers that gave them so many flights of fancy over the years. So, there is a happy ending (not that kind, the filmy one), and Bhai's craft (with Jacqueline, or Katrina) sails into the GPA HQ and lands gingerly, waving the Tiranga. The crew sings to the losers, who appear after a few minutes- "Tum besahara ho to, kisi ka Sahara bano,." -signifying THE END.

There are a few twists and turns along the way that I cannot reveal, because this script is for sale. Interested? Bids close tomorrow.

Dhoom 3: A Review

Indian film-makers are now learning the art of making sequels. But their editing skills are still far from satisfactory. An exception like Sholay can pull off a three-hour film. But by and large, others fall short. The reason Sholay pulled it off was because of brilliance in every department-acting, cinematography, dialogue and songs. None of these qualities are present in Dhoom 3. Though they are good, they are not brilliant. The songs are actually awful.

What salvages Dhoom 3 is Aamir Khan. It is a role written for him, and he revels in it, backed by some spectacular stunts-though some are old and tiresome, like the motorbike going under a truck. Nevertheless, some are quite breath-taking, like motorcycling across buildings on a rope.

Another thing I liked about the film is that it equalizes the Chicago police with our own- they come out as chumps, like their Indian counterparts in most films. If this is not globalization, what is?

Coming to the story, a circus owner kills himself in Chicago because a bank refuses to loan him the capital he needs to keep going. His son takes revenge, by destroying the bank in question, mainly through looting it in typical filmy robbery sequences-which is fine.

What I was unable to figure out, was The Great Indian Circus that only plays indoors, and does not have a single child in its audience. The indoor colour scheme was a bit dull, I thought, for a circus.

Amir Khan, though he has started visibly aging, pulls off an angry young (!) man role well. Uday Chopra is joined by Abhishek in a role fit for an extra (bit players are termed that in our country). The climax shot on top of Hoover dam is a visual delight. Since I don’t like Katrina, I will refrain from commenting on her.

The promos of the film made me want to see it. It is worth a look, if you liked the earlier Dhooms, or if you like Aamir. Since both are a ‘yes’ for me, I came out OK.