Purpose in Life

 Ok, it is paying taxes if you work.. according to the government. Unless you live in a tax-exempt country. Yes, there are a few. Oil rich ones, usually.

It is buying financial products every day, according to banks which send you mails about them. Or, taking a loan. So you won't feel a-loan- when the collectors visit!

Grocery stores think you are born to eat..

Liquor stores think you are born to drink.

Kids think your purpose is to be like the World Bank- fund the poor and unemployed.

Mosquitoes want you to eat well, so your blood tastes good.

Trump thinks it is to elect him, and hate Elon Musk.. who also helped elect him. 

Jewellery makers think your purpose is to be decked up 24 by 7.

Fake wedding party organisers - not sure!

Anopheles and Happiness in 2025

 My friend, Anopheles, the female mosquito with a sting, visited again, and I wished her a Happy New Year. She looked skeptical. 

"Are you sure?" she asked. 

"Sure of what?" I enquired.

"Of being happy, of course."

"Why not? Nirmala just gave us non-Ambanis a bonus on Income tax" I replied.

"Yes, but how many in this country earn that kind of money?" she wanted to know.

I was crestfallen. "Agree," I said. Drivers and maids still make about a lakh and a half a year. Rupees, not dollars. But look at the positives around the world." 

"Are you serious? You mean Trump? Or Putin? Or Xi?"

That last one hit close to home. I hurriedly diverted her. "No, no, I mean things like sustainability issues, slow travel, and climate change -people engaging with it."

"What about pollution, disease, and killer viruses?" I had to admit she had her data in place.

I said, "Yeah, you win some, you lose some." 

Anopheles then bowled a faster one. She said, "Wake up, or you'll lose the planet, and we, our blood supply." And added for effect, "even though it's not too healthy, what with cholesterol and so on in high doses.."

She left me in that state of being apologetic about our Race, as always, and flew off after a goodbye.

My Election Manifesto

I am not a political party, just a common voter. My election manifesto (resemblances to other manifestos is coincidental. No politicians were harmed during the writing of this) if I were one,
would read-

1. No speeches..what a relief!
2. If elected (a remote chance, but you never know- Deve Gowda became Prime Minister once),

• Free education and healthcare. Everything else, you do on your own steam
• Where will the money come from? From taxing the people who have excess money and don't know what to do with it, for the first few years..after that, maybe other sources. Simple maths will tell you that you can save around 50,000 crores by removing wastage of various kinds..enough to start with.
• No personal income tax..(resemblance to other manifestos is coincidental!)...instead, any other scheme which taxes consumption, but at a reasonable rate).
• Free Swiss citizenship for all who have Swiss bank account- and a one-way ticket. Same for other tax havens.

More promises only after these have been implemented.

Three No Trumps

This is what you may bid when you are playing the card game of Bridge. I am into more mundane pursuits right now, like making Trump jokes. Because it's the done thing, and I may not get a chance to do them after November (the elections).

Trumpeting. Trump (without an elephant's trunk) talking about himself.

Ta ra rum pum pum.. reactions of people to Trump claiming to be the right man to lead a democracy of mostly sane citizens.

Trumped up charges- Founders of ISIS are Hillary and Obama.

Trump tax returns- Even Columbus would find it taxing to discover any money there!

Trump Debate- Everyone is an ***hole, but me.

Trump Home- A Wig-wam.

Donald's score - a Duck!

Budgetary Musings

Why do we need a budget? To decide if the money is coming or going, of course.

If there is a lot of money coming in, it's a good thing, and it's called a surplus budget. Problem is, this happens only in Utopia (in case you didn't know, this does not actually exist). In the real world, there's more money going out than coming in, and that's not a good thing, generally. Unless you are the U.S.A.

So if there is more money going out than coming in, what do you do?

You spend less, theoretically. Practically, have you ever seen anyone do this? No, it's not macho at all. So, what else can you do? If you are the government, you can increase taxes. If all goods are already taxed enough, you introduce a service tax. If you run out of ideas, you can combine everything and call it a Goods and Services Tax.

But seriously, to quickly get to a surplus, we only need to introduce a spitting tax, on anyone who spits in a public place. Then you can laugh all the way to the bank.. Banks will also smile (if not laugh) and probably recover from their NPAs, or whatever they call them these days (stressed assets is a euphemism often heard).

Financial Year Ends

Academic year too, but the March 31st year-end blues are usually accounting related. Some of the questions that stare you in the face-

Did I save enough to get all the tax breaks I could? Only a CA or a know-all can answer that question, so I don't worry too much about it. In July, at the time of filing returns, I will have to document all that anyhow, so why not postpone it till then?

What if I have to file for bankruptcy? Since Indian law does not allow an individual to do so (to the best of what I know), once again, I don't worry about this.

The most torturous question actually is this- where do we go to vacation this year in the summer? You can fix the following criteria for making this decision-

Destination should be facebook-friendly.

It should have a net connection.

More than enjoying the destination, you bask in the after-glory anyway, so the place does not really matter.

Happy holidaying- or thinking about it. In May or June or whenever you are ready with the leap into the unknown. May you be able to check out an item on your bucket list.