New Revenue Ideas

Revenue streams are a lifeline- ads for the media, for example. Card companies invent Days of some sort- so far, there are only 365 of them, but in future, who knows?

Similarly, photographers need to invent new things all the time. Wedding shoots (and Baby Bump shoots) are passe, and there is too much competition for those. Pre-wedding shoots are also running out of steam, as all the bizarre locations and poses have already been exploited.

So, the new revenue for a photographer can only come from some of the following-

Honeymooning with the couple- if Kangana could do it alone (in Queen), what's wrong with a threesome?

Bungee-jumping with the jumper, skydiving with the diver.

Research-paper writing with the researcher- a photoshoot for academic types.

Agonising over homework- candid shots of a school kid.

Slapping your tantrum-throwing kids- an in-camera slap-stick! This cannot be done outside India/Asia, as it is illegal to slap a kid in some backward Western countries.

Suicide in progress- laws will have to be amended to make the photographer not guilty as an abettor.

You get the picture, right? Other ideas could be-

Doctor-patient conversations, lawyer-client meetings, first dates as a reality check, first kiss- no, let's not go there...

Slapgate- a Joke

I was reminded of a joke after reading about the customer manhandling case at the airline. It goes as follows (roughly, from memory)-

A man was hauled up in court for slapping a woman in a bus. The judge asked him to explain his behavior. The man said "She was extremely annoying, your Honour."

"Can you explain how?"the judge asked him.

He replied, "I went up an sat on the upper deck of this double-decker. She came and sat in front. She opened her bag, took out a handkerchief, wiped her face, put the handkerchief back, closed her bag..the conductor came to me, and I bought a ticket.

The conductor went to her and asked her to buy a ticket. So she took out her bag, pulled out her purse, took out some change, closed the purse, put in in her bag, and asked for a ticket. The conductor gave her a ticket. As he was leaving, she again took out her bag, removed her purse, put the ticket in the purse....

"Stop, I can't stand it either" the judge cried.. "she deserved to be slapped."

Of Slaps and Other Forms of Expression

Picasso painted. Wordworth put a string of words together for better or 'verse', Leonardo sculpted, Basu Chatterjee made films, and Kishore Kumar sang. All were trying to express themselves. But these forms of self-expression are old hat, and will not do for the in-your-face generation- X, Y or Z!

Therefore, new forms of self-expression are IN. Smileys that appear from some deft clicks, P's, D's and other mysterious letters which mean something (apparently), and the like. Yes, the 'likes' too! These are what could be termed as 'low-impact' forms of expressing oneself.

The ones which make a greater impact, and might even make a person go red in the face, are slapping, or throwing your shoes, or chappals at the person instead of trying to converse with him. Earlier practised in bar-room brawls under extreme inebriation, these forms of expression have gone mainstream, so the aam aadmi can practice these at any forum, not limited to the venues mentioned earlier and used historically.

The stars are also human, and therefore likely to have their feet firmly on the ground, while using the same forms of self-expression. If only you could slap your way into a bigger box office return,...