Names and Dictators

Putin

Xi

Hitler

Trump

Mao

Lenin

Stalin

What are the common things among them? They will throw you 'in' more often than not, for criticising them.

Kidnapping is Back

 Kidnapping as a nefarious activity got a boost from unexpected quarters- The White House, after the Venezuelan saga involving Maduro. Now, to watch if it becomes a trend. Someone suggested that Putin could kidnap Zelensky and put an end to that war. 

But as a marketing prof. I can suggest some product extensions- corporates who can get rid of competition by kidnapping their CEOs. In olden times, HUL (then without the U) could have kidnapped the upstart from Gujarat for eating into their detergents monopoly. Or one of the Haldiram promoter family could have kidnapped the other to end the battle for the question of who owns the right to their Soan Papdi.

Of course, in academia, you could kidnap that rival of yours who publishes obscene amounts of papers and makes you look small, or that consultant who has cornered all the major CEOs, leaving you with crumbs.

More ideas are available for a price.. why should I share them for free? Unless you kidnap me, of course.

P.S. Trump after Venezuela- Vene, Vidi, Vici. Inspired by good old Julius. 

Anopheles and Happiness in 2025

 My friend, Anopheles, the female mosquito with a sting, visited again, and I wished her a Happy New Year. She looked skeptical. 

"Are you sure?" she asked. 

"Sure of what?" I enquired.

"Of being happy, of course."

"Why not? Nirmala just gave us non-Ambanis a bonus on Income tax" I replied.

"Yes, but how many in this country earn that kind of money?" she wanted to know.

I was crestfallen. "Agree," I said. Drivers and maids still make about a lakh and a half a year. Rupees, not dollars. But look at the positives around the world." 

"Are you serious? You mean Trump? Or Putin? Or Xi?"

That last one hit close to home. I hurriedly diverted her. "No, no, I mean things like sustainability issues, slow travel, and climate change -people engaging with it."

"What about pollution, disease, and killer viruses?" I had to admit she had her data in place.

I said, "Yeah, you win some, you lose some." 

Anopheles then bowled a faster one. She said, "Wake up, or you'll lose the planet, and we, our blood supply." And added for effect, "even though it's not too healthy, what with cholesterol and so on in high doses.."

She left me in that state of being apologetic about our Race, as always, and flew off after a goodbye.

Wars and Humour

 You may think, like the East and the West, they (wars and humour) wouldn't meet (sorry, Kipling). But in my book (or blog) they do. Just one example, below-

Conversations between warlords Putin and Zelensky

Zelensky (he was a comedian earlier)- This is not funny. You are stepping on my toes, and disturbing the furniture in my house.

Putin- Go find some dole-outs from your new friends. 

Zelensky- I am joining NATO

Putin- Natu, Natu, I mean, naughty, naughty (under his breath - 'these damn Oscars! They get on my nerves. I prefer Awara hoon')

Zelensky- I will put you out to dry, Putin! 

Putin- That dialogue is czarring- I mean, jarring- to a modern Czar.

Zelensky- You ARE crude, like that oil you keep peddling as a carrot to all the world! And full of gas, like...

Putin- Shut up, or you will face the brand new missiles which I had to test on someone. 

Zelensky- Ha, I will then test all the anti-missile missiles that Germany, France, USA wanted tested..

Meanwhile, Xi smiles slyly, as he Ok's a new virus test in the rebranded lab at Wuhan...

Fears

 Let's discuss fears. We all have some. I remember an old film starring Jean Paul Belmondo, called 'Fear Over the City." But these are fears of people, individual or collective.

Chief Vitalstatistix- that the sky will fall over his head.

Joe Biden-that there will be a third world war.

Putin- that he will be put out.

Ekta Kapoor- that she will run out of plots.

The daily wage earner- that there might be another lockdown.

Singapore- that the island might sink.

Maldives- that honeymooners might take over the island country.

Facebookers- that they might not get any more compliments for their posts

Twitter Users- that Trump might tweet again.

The Director of KGF Chapter 2 is fearless, because numbers being infinite, he can have any number of sequels..

What World Leaders Might be Telling Trump

Trump brings out an opinion about him in every one. But if you were a world leader at this time, what would you say to him? Let's guess-

Angela. Why are you going where Angels fear to tread?

Modi. Can you modify that last bunch of orders you signed, please?

Putin. What exactly are your policies? Can we discuss them over a vodka?

May. Your exits from all the pacts are threatening to overshadow Brexit.

Mexican Prez. You are driving me up the wall.

Canadian PM. Trudeau or not Trudeau is not your dilemma, it appears.

France- Can you return the Statue of Liberty, please?

Contests for World Leaders

No prizes for guessing who's going to win the best Kurta contest. Let's look at some others.

Best hairstyle without a wig. The winner is Kim Il ..whatever. the North Korean guy.

Best one with a wig. Donald Trump.

The only one cuter than Shahid Kapoor and Hrithik Roshan combined. Justin Trudeau- Canada.

The only one with a heart- Dil-ma Rousseff, if she has not been impeached. Brazil.

Six packs. Putin.

Nitwits. Nawaz Sharif may have few competitors.

Shepherd of largest flock of sheep. The New Zealander.

The militantly named one- Bar(r)ack Obama.

The one with an endearing Hindi word in his name- Abe, Japan.

Returns and Ink on Your Face

All the current events have me in a tizzy.

In this era of ball point pens, where do you find ink to blacken faces with? Is it a ploy of the ink manufacturers to increase their sales?

With respect for authors returning their hard-won awards, you can only return it once. Where does that leave you once the next earth-shaking event happens?

Putin bombs the hell out of some terrorists who have been ruling some parts of the world. Is he trying to showcase what hell looks like?

Is the Bihar election worth winning? I mean, can anyone actually govern it even if he wins?

Where are Radhe Maa, Indrani, and all other attention grabbers of last week? Can we bring them back?

Will he, won't he? This is not about Salman Khan's marriage. But about Dhoni resigning from the team, and becoming a commentator.