Applying for a Job

No, I am not applying right now. I have a job. But this is about the process of applying for one. I am not including campus placements here.

When do you feel like applying for one? Usually there is either a positive or a negative reason. You may be motivated by something on offer (salary, location, job challenge) or trying to escape from something- a bad boss, bad colleagues, subordinates you cannot handle, bad location, etc.

Your search begins. You apply. This in earlier days involved getting a CV typed by sitting next to someone, later morphed into typing your CV and printing it, and further has changed to emailing it or posting it on a  job site.

Then, you wait, with no news until you suddenly get an invitation to an interview. Then you try and figure out what the interviewers want to hear-How you love challenges, you are a quick learner, dynamic, and all the rest. If you speak the truth, you generally stand no chance.

So, if the process encourages deceit, you may have to go with the flow, and once you get hired, revert to your real state, whatever that may be. And get found out, and resume the search, ..for the next job..

A Fake CV

These days, there are companies which only do verification of resumes, or parts of it. There are fake degrees, fake work experience claims, and fake Ids. So I decided to create a fake CV for myself, with which I will apply for various jobs. But I will only join an employer who trusts me- and will not check my CV out.

Here it is-

An energetic 35 year old is looking for a job at your company. These are his (my) plus points.

Education: Too much. More than you can use- degrees like MBA, BE, CA, CFA, etc.

A temperament that goes beyond the call of duty, to doing household work for the boss- no exclusions. Will be happy to drive his car, buy groceries for him or spouse, drop his kids to school, and book his vacation tickets. Serving coffee to him in office excluded- a matter of principle.

Worked at a multitude of top MNCs in my 15 years of work life. Challenging assignments handled included a role as country head, regional head, branch head and COO, CMO, CTO, CIO, and a few more, which were highly classified roles that cannot be spoken about in a document that will be available to Google and the CIA, not to mention Wikileaks, and other leaks.

My bosses were so happy with my work, that not one of them gave me a reference letter, for fear of losing me. But I secretly recorded them praising my work, and those recordings are available for private screening. Sorry, cannot be uploaded on Youtube. I am an intensely private person. No facebooking at work, or outside work.

I also have auxiliary skills like fast uploading of information on the computer, fast retrieval of any data from any company's database- did you say hacking? Never heard of the word in my life.

You can decide on where I fit in, and my designation. But my pay has to be six figures, monthly- no, make that seven, what with the rupee sliding every day.

See you soon.