Minimalism

This means making do with the minimum that will serve the purpose. Art, food, drink, clothes, transportation, shoes, bags...

If we all became minimalists, it would be a disaster for the world economy.

Doctors would go out of business, as would slimming centres, diet advisors, ...

Retail stores would see their business resemble that of the 1929 depression.

GDP of all countries would resemble that of Sub-Saharan Africa (not sure where that is, but I thought it sounded appropriate).

Names would become shorter, because you don't need so many letters in it. Russian names of people and cities would eliminate all those unnecessary consonants...Awich and Bpova might become common.

Movie names would only have their short forms, like DDLJ and RHTDM, instead of the full forms.

Worst of all, marketing as a discipline may cease to exist...or re-invent itself as Mktg.

Traffic Jams- How to Utilise Them

The country's competitiveness and GDP can grow if we do the following (choose any two) during a traffic jam.

Invent a new product. Who says you have to be sitting on the "think tank" in order to think? You can use a traffic jam.

Think of 5 ways to kill your boss-he's the one hampering your productivity, right? (We didn't promise that it would be good for you-only for the country)

Throw apples at the passersby..the demand for apples will directly go up..you can also choose tomatoes, if they are selling at 100 bucks a kilo.

Honk until your battery goes dead..demand for car towing services will increase, and therefore,....

Order a takeaway pizza and desrcibe your location as the ---- jam..he'll understand, he'll deliver..you have managed to contribute your mite to mitigate the unemployment problem.

Write a resume/autobiography/poem/..circulate them to the other people in the jam.you may get lucky and find a publisher among them..or an employer..

The Importance of being G

These ruminations are to prove that G is probably the most important letter in the alphabet. Wanna bet?

1. A lot of positivity comes out of words that start with a G- Good to Great.

2. Very commonly used term in Lucknow, U.P. is G Haan. In Delhi, or Punjab, it is turned around to Haan G, but still contains the all important letter.

3. Important dialogues in films start with the word Gaonwalon, like in Sholay. Used by Gabbar (G again) and Dharmendra on the water-tank.

4. Important countries of the world (those whose currency does not depreciate) are called G-10 nations.

5. GDP is a measure of how well you are doing, except in Bhutan, where only happiness is measured. Poor souls.

6. India's answer to James Bond, Mithun, went by the name Gunmaster G-9. Not F-9 or B-9. Even the cult movie on campuses is Gunday, starring him.

7. An often-used gaali (honourable term of address) in Hindi is Gadhey...

8. Ghotala, the Hindi word for scandal, also begins with a G. Where would news channels be without these?

9. Ganga and Godavari, two of our most important rivers, are G rivers.

Above all, two words that drive the spiritual, and the corporate sports-world start with a G-

10. God, and

11. Golf.

I rest my case.

GNH from Bhutan- A Primer

That is Gross National Happiness. We had a first hand account that it really is measured in Bhutan. Dr. Saamdu Chetri, who heads the Centre for GNH in Bhutan, was on campus for a guest lecture. He explained in simple terms that we are measuring the wrong things in the conventional GDP or GNP measures.

For instance, if a two-parent family hires a maid and both parents go to work, the GDP grows. Happiness may decrease, because the child may not be reared properly, compared to one of the parents staying home to do the job (at the cost of GDP growth). Or, if a married woman goes through a depression, medical (or marital) problems, and consults lot of doctors and psychiatrists (or lawyers), GDP goes up. If she is happily married, and does none of the above, on the other hand, GDP goes down!

Burning fossil fuels is not sustainable, as it contributes to carbon emissions, and therefore, global warming that may result in dire consequences. Energy can be renewable, if research is adequate. Meanwhile, public transport should play a greater role. We need to be a little calmer, and reflective about wasting earth's resources. We consume too much, be it clothes, food or anythng else, raising unnecessary demands on earth. Human values like sharing and collaboration should predominate.

Happiness is actually measured on several parameters, and the website explains how.
(link http://www.grossnationalhappiness.com/articles/). I was happy to learn of an alternative measure of what we are and ought to be, from one of the smallest countries of the world.

Coincidentally, also read a review of a book about how GDP came to be the main measure of well-being of a nation after the Great Depression in the U.S.

Holi Matrimony

Some thoughts about Holi and matrimony.

Both are colourful, especially the clothes bought/coloured and the language used in marital fights (the martial arts).

Both are confusing. Which day is Holi, exactly, for instance? And who is to cook in the married household, for instance.

Holi gives you excuses for chhed-chhad. Or used to, before various laws were enacted to take better care of women. Now, one less excuse to be inebriated with ''manly" power, I guess.

Just when you thought all the Holi songs had been written, there comes another. I think Ranbir and Deepika starred in one recently. On marriage, there are only jokes. Bollywood (happy) songs are all pre-marriage. What is the significance of that?

Marriage is supposed to provide security. And it promotes GDP growth. How? Married couples need a house, a car, a fridge, a washing machine, a cooking gas, restaurants, work to pay all the bills,...

So all you need to do to increase GDP growth to Chinese levels and beyond...you guessed it. Promote holy matrimony.

Election Manifesto

Since it is approaching election time, I propose a manifesto that can be adopted by any forward-looking party.

Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha will be shut down. We will save 2000 crores by doing this, and 20,000 crores on the elections as a bonus.

We will have an Indian Idol competition to select one lawmaker (judged by Karan Johar, Kajol and Kumar Sanu), who rules till the next season. One sidekick is also selected from among the losers to assist him. This will restore the dying viewership of this boring program.

All citizens have two choices. They watch IPL matches or Ekta Kapoor serials. These will be played/manufactured/fixed regularly. Production licenses will be auctioned, with the reserve price (minimum bid) being fixed at half of India's GDP. Both together will make up our whole GDP. (Arnab will be gagged, just in case you are wondering.)

There will be no work, only fun- of two kinds, defined above. Everyone will be happy, and all our problems would be solved.

Please vote for our party.

My Own G-10

These ruminations are to prove that G is an important letter in the alphabet. Wanna bet?

1. A lot of positivity comes out of words that start with a G- Good to Great.

2. Very commonly used term in Lucknow, U.P. is G Haan.

3. In Delhi, or Punjab, it is turned around to Haan G, but still contains the all important letter.

4. Important countries of the world (whose currency does not depreciate) are called G-10 nations.

5. GDP is a measure of how well you are doing, except in Bhutan, where only happiness is measured. Poor souls.

6. India's answer to James Bond, Mithun, went by the name Gunmaster G-9. Not F-9 or B-9.

7. An important gaali (honourable term of address) in Hindi is Gadhe...

8. Ghotala, the Hindi word for scandal, also begins with a G.

Above all, two words that drive the spiritual, and the corporate sports-world start with a G-

9. God, and

10. Golf.

I rest my case.

Simple Cures for Global Slowdown

My top five cures for the global slowdown.

1. Lock up all economists. Who will then tell you whether there is a slow-down or a fast-up?

2. Ban news on the GDP, economy, exports, budgets etc. from all neswpapers, TV and online media. If individuals (like birds) twitter about anything else, let them.

3. IPL matches should be on 365 days a year. In any case, they are on for two months. What's another ten? This can provide global employment to out-of-work cricketers, and the unemployed audience can spend time watching the matches. Talk about killing many birds with one stone. PETA, please excuse the metaphor.

4. Extend the concept of IPL to other games, for backward nations that don't know how to waste time!

5. Make David Dhawan and Sajid Khan films compulsory viewing in India. This will tremendously boost the GHP or Gross Happiness Index (which, unlike the GDP, will be measured). This will be due to people laughing at intended and unintended jokes.

India, Tests and the World

There was a news item about Indian students doing badly in some test of Maths and Science in a world competition recently. We are not doing so well in the Tests of cricket right now too.

We often crib about India lagging behind on economic indicators. Could be true to an extent, we can do better on some of them. But those of us that have lived abroad for a length of time, say 4-5 years, probably realise that it is nice to live in India. In many advanced countries, loneliness and boredom is a bigger issue than anything else. Public transport like a bus or an auto is not easy to get, or is exorbitant.

On an average, people in a western, advanced nation are indebted and/or addicted to buying stuff they don't need, more than Indians. This is not statistical, but based on observation and experience. Happiness in general is not correlated to GDP, as an excellent book by some author whose name I have forgotten, told the readers. Bhutan even has a Gross Happiness Index that measures how its citizens feel.

So what could make us happy? That old ad of Thums up just about sums it up. Food, friends and Thums Up. You could actually skip the Thums Up, and maybe substitute it with a drink of your choice that you can afford- water too. Maybe I would add books and films, and in deference to today's world, an internet connection. And you don't need to be a zillionaire to have access to all these.

Obesity and Gross Domestic Product

Most people say obesity is gross. I say, it contributes majorly to the Gross Domestic Product, and therefore, economically at least, it is lovely. Imagine the impact of 'no obesity' on the world. It would be horrid beyond imagination.

All dietary advisors and magazines and TV shows would have to shut down. This includes ayurvedic prescriptors, nutritionists, and the Atkinses of the world. Imagine how much damage it could do to the already slow economy. I say, we can't afford it.

Food production and farmers. What would be the fate of all the poor farmers, middlemen and food retailers if nobody ate the stuff they produce or sell in humongous (and beyond necessary) quantities? Well, they would starve, if not commit suicide, but for reasons different from the present ones. We can't afford that either.

Almost half the "beauty" consultants offer infinite tips on reducing obesity (lately there have been bestsellers in India too), while laughing their way to their respective banks. Do we want to kick their tummy (translation of the Hindi pet par laath marna)? No way!

I say, let's have more obese people, so that no filmy mom can ever say that eternal dialogue again- "Tu kitna dubla/dubli ho gaya/gayi hai". And the world will recover to a 'healthier' GDP.