Anopheles on the Ukraine War

 Anopheles, my winged female friend, was back after a hiatus. So I updated her on the Coronavirus pandemic that I had managed to survive, and a few other things, like the war in Ukraine. And, of course, the school shootings in the U.S.

She was perplexed. 

"I thought you people had more sense," she said.

That was justified, given how it looked. But I tried a defence. 

"Not all of us are like that," was my lame defence.

"What are you going to do about this? Are you trying to stop the war? At least the rich guys in the West?"

I had to confess "Not exactly, they are sending more weapons, huge quantities, to Ukraine." 

"And the gun lobby is not about to give up either, on tighter laws to stop individual proliferation."

"But we have almost stopped the pandemic," I said, looking at the brighter things.

"Tell me, do you also have wars?" I was curious about her world.

"Yes, but only a war of words. Or buzzwords, if you want to be technical about it. Whoever creates a larger buzz, wins," she said.

"And what are some of these buzzwords?" I asked her.

"Energy through Efficient Flapping, Minimum noise, maximum output or Efficiency in Bites, Working around Mosquito Nets and other Obstacles, Co-opetition for Sharing Prey, Information System Updates to Find your Quarry, Investigating the Effect of Burgers and Pizzas on Blood Quality of Humans... there are lots."

"Illuminating, I said," and switched off the light, while bidding her good night! 

Problems Around the World

Of course, climate change and global warming are the big ones, despite denial by some of the bigwigs in world governments. (Venice going under water has not convinced them yet). But there are other serious questions that need to be asked.

For example, in the U.S. (since we think they are the greatest invention known to mankind), there are shootings galore. Don't know the stats, but seems like an average of one per week. Random killings, mostly because someone has easy access to a gun. The victims, usually school or college kids who did no wrong. Taliban, anyone?

Migration at any cost..Vietnamese in a container, boat people, or others fleeing what they see as a despondent state back home, for some reason. What makes people migrate with such fervour, without a care for the risks involved? War is an obvious answer. Abject poverty or hopelessness is the other (Venezuela is a recent case).

We are no better, as the unending stories of rape have shown us for many years. What is it that makes people sick enough to do this? Deterrence is of course a part of the solution, but what are the root causes and how do we remove those, if possible?

Hopefully, we will not get de-sensitised because of an overdose of these shootings, wars and rapes. Hopefully, we will find ways of preventing them.

Making Predictions

My top ten predictions

1. Kim will continue to sport a funny haircut.

2. Kings and Queens will continue to thrive. Long live monarchy!

3. Kejriwal will continue to wear mufflers, but whether e will get rid of his cough, is too tough to call.

4.  Gun laws will remain what they are in the U.S., regardless of shootings in the country, and over-zealous actions by stupid countries like New Zealand.

5. Vada pav will continue as the State Dish of Maharashtra, along with Misal-pav.

6. Meetings will continue to waste hours, while generating Minutes, arround the world, particularly the corporate world.

7. Baldness will not have a cure, ever. Nor the common cold.

8. Men will be men (thanks, Imperial Blue, for pointing it out).

9. Selfies will become the leading cause of death- people jealous of others' abilities to take good selfies will kill themselves.

10. Student of the Year will continue till its 10th sequel, beating the Superman and Spiderman franchises.

Ruled Out?

There was this curious phrase on the news today. There was a suspicious-looking package that turned out to be a bomb in Germany. The police defused it, but they also said that more such packages in town CANNOT BE RULED OUT. That got me thinking about what else we can't rule out.

Aliens coming to earth day after tomorrow.

RaGa as the P.M.

My learning how to dance.

Kapil Sharma coming out of coming out of a depression induced by too much comedy.

Santa really turning up with a gift for all of us.

North Korea's great leader getting a proper haircut.

Trump making sense.

America banning ownership of guns.

Teenagers giving up social media and reading books.

Startups without a Bansal or Agarwal at the helm, in India.

Padmavati releasing.

All of us losing weight in exactly the (kilo)grammage we want.

My blog going viral.

Dave Barryisms

Dave Barry is one of the best American sit-down comics (I don't know if he does stand-up comedy) I have read. Here are a couple of his gems from 'Dave Barry Does Japan,' which I am reading slowly, so that I can savour it longer- the way you linger over your favourite ice-cream. Not his exact words, but the jokes are his-

As I got off the plane, I noticed rightaway something unique about Japan. For  lack of a better phrase, I'll call it "lack of height." Every Japanese person was tall as our average school boy, without the guns.

The Bellboy got the luggage into the hotel room, and then did something amazing. He left! In America, he would have stayed with you until you remembered to tip him.


Translation of Japanese people speaking English into American.

Ah- No

I see- No

I will think about your proposal-  It will be sent to the shredder.

Note: The polite Japanese never say no. So the thick-headed Americans need this Guide to Japan to help them understand what's going on, according to Barry.

Right to Recall

Anna Hazare had brought up this idea of a voter recalling an MLA or MP for non-performance. I think the concept is universally useful, not just in voting and politics. It is in fact, transcendental, because if God has this right and decides to use it, life could be so much smoother for the khuda ke bandey who remain on earth!

Remember, it is already practiced widely. Toyota has joined the list of car companies - used to be the Americans earlier- that recalls vehicles for some defect or the other, size of defect could be nano or mega. Publishers can withdraw books because a certain segment of humanity feels offended by it-even the non-reading kind, at times. It is easy to be offended, these days.

So, to get to the point, why not expand the scope of this RIGHT? We can have parents who are disgruntled recalling their children. Not from the playing ground to their homes, but permanently. They can then attempt to correct their mistake by having new children. Imagine how tough it gets for God, with 7 billion of us, to monitor quality?

I should have the right to recall any offensive words I have spoken to people and hurt them- I am talking of genuine hurt here, not the waiting-to-be-offended kind referred to earlier. This might make India and Pakistan friends, and Malik could become a messiah of peace and intelligence.

There should also be a right to recall bullets fired from a gun, which would make the National Rifle Association toothless, and save the lives of six-year-olds who have to die every time a lunatic (why was he not recalled?) goes trigger-happy. In this case, the victim should have the right to recall the bullets.

The possibilities are endless...