Marketing and Sales 101

 It's actually One on One, but also 101, as it's elementary stuff.

We have been observing it since we were kids. The sethji who sold us the annual wardrobe in raw unstitched form always smiled, and after showing us reams of the stuff, said, Aapko purani rate se deta hai (will give it to you at the old-and lesser- price). We fell for it.

The kirana was from Jeetmal Moolchand, a Marwari businessman in deep Andhra Pradesh. Again, knew his business. Went through a long list made by Mom meticulously, and kept us engaged through the long process of packing.

Single-window processing. I once bought a Subaru in the U.S., second hand from a dealer, with a loan too. Was amazed, I just sat in a chair, signing papers and he took care of everything- loan included- in around 30 minutes using a fax machine and a phone. This was pre-internet! Probably my best experience as a customer till date, except on Jet Airways a couple of times, and Air India once. And Sri Lankan Air once.

One to one is easy, actually, if you know the basics of human interaction- give importance, smile, and say sorry if something goes wrong. Scaling this up is a different thing, when you have thousands of customers- one reason Indigo goes wrong, maybe. And banks and credit card companies.

Unsolicited Mails

 I have taught marketing most of my working life, and am aware that direct to consumer' is a valid way of generating leads. But I am also a consumer, and have some views about what I am subjected to, as a consumer.

First, when you don't know someone, be extremely polite. Not pushy, aggressive, entitled, etc.

Read between the lines, when a potential customer replies. H.R. guys do it well, they say, "We'll get back to you." They don't say when. It's OK, to remind someone after a week or two, just to check. Not everyday. Not on Whatsapp, not on mail, certainly not on 'social' social media. Because I am there to socialise. If it's a friend I want to talk business with, that's a different thing. 

Learn about education. For instance, last names with a Mr. or Ms. is normal, but in the field of education, Dr. is used if the customer is a Ph.D. -and works for both genders. Not the first name, usually.

Amazing Deals I got

I could not believe the deals.

A 3-bedroom villa in a Mumbai suburb for just a crore.

A 6-day holiday package to Greece and Italy for Rs. 30,000.

A collection of 10 top single malts for 10,000 bucks -Indian bucks.

A Pajero for Rs. 5 lakhs.

An ipad+Samsung Galaxy+Sony Vaio for Rs. 5,000.

A starter kit for a new home, classy furniture, with a washing machine, and jacuzzi, for Rs. 20,000.

A collection of 100 top Hollywood and Bollywood film DVDs for free if I bought any three of the above.

I was about to whip out my credit card, and have a go- I badly wanted the free DVDs, you see. But I stopped in my tracks when I read the conditions-

1. Watch Arnab on TV continuously for 5 nights.
2. Fly a Malaysian airliner in the next 15 days.
3. Watch 5 movies of Abhishek Bachchan or Sunny Deol or director Ram Gopal Varma back to back.

Selling a Ferrari

I am thinking about selling the Ferrari. But first I must remember to buy one. And become a monk. These things are getting harder and harder. Earlier, monks used to be monks. And Schumacher types used to drive Ferraris on the autobahns. Why are monks into buying and selling of the mean machines anyway?.

Anyway, having got this thought, I begin to ponder as to what else I can sell. Maybe I can sell my TV, and let someone else watch the trash that it can produce at the flick of a remote. But then, if they don't produce all that, the unemployment problem would get unmanageable.

Maybe I can sell my A.C. and prevent global warming. I understand that CFCs produced by ACs are responsible in some way for melting of Arctic glaciers. Now, that would be a cool thing to do- or is it warm?

I can actually sell my car (not the imaginary Ferrari) and not drive around so much. It will greatly improve my health and the health of those whom I afflict with my company on a regular basis. But what if they sought out my company and drove to meet me? Maybe I can persuade them to sell their cars too.

My song collection can also be sold- for a song. With a 1 cm multigigabyte-sized pen drive/memory stick, who needs cassettes/CDs and the like? An APPLE device a day keeps all other competitors at Bay!