Interview with a Stock Market Analyst

Mr. Shah, expert on stock markets, is being interviewed by the PYA (Pretty Young Anchor, of which there are many on television)-

PYA: Mr. Shah, what do you recommend today?

Shah: Well, I think half the Gujjus will have dhokla today, so I see an upside in flour making companies specialising in Chana Dal....

PYA: How about Banking, Pharma, IT, and Metals? Should you go long or short, Mr. Shah?

Shah: Well, it’s been a long time since I was so bullish on IT stocks. If the rupee goes to a hundred against the dollar, they’ll double their sales turnover by doing nothing. It’s like a magic trick, or alchemy.. so I am going gaga (no threat to the Lady) over IT now.

Pharma, I am also sure will also do well, as the rupee is giving high BP and heart trouble to all the importers in our country. So they have to do well, there is no option..

Banking, I will say that people don’t want their hard-earned rupees to go waste, so they will buy gold as that is the only tangible asset they can see. Real-estate is more likely to melt down than the yellow metal....as a result, banks will have a tough time, so I would say sell banking stocks.

PYA: Brilliant analysis, Mr. Shah. What advice do you have for the retail investor?

Shah: There was always conventional wisdom that to be a successful investor, you must know your onions. Never so true, never so true as today. You must stock up on onions like there is no tomorrow. Even if you don’t eat them, stock up on them. Buy a deep freezer and stock up on onions. That can ensure your daughter’s marriage, your son’s education, and a hedge for rising petrol prices. Since you can’t stock up on petrol, stocking up on onions is the only way out.

PYA: Thank you soo... much, Mr. Shah.

Viewer (Switching channels to Ekta Kapoor’s serial) : Am I the only one going bananas out here?