Saving Newsprint- Shortest Essays

Indians generally use 100 words where two would suffice. If England was a nation of shop-keepers, we are one of speech-makers. But in order to save the listeners, and trees when this verbal barrage appears in print, I have come up with a brilliant solution. The two-line essay/speech. R.I.P, TV debates, Arnab etc..

Examples

1. Should India adopt the Western model of blah, blah,..(put here any suitable word for a good thing they do)?

Yes.

2. Should we let China go on taking evening constitutionals in Ladakh?

No.

3. Should there be Food Security?

Yes.

4. A Bill for Food Security?

As long as someone is ready to pay (the bill).

5. Should we allow pizza places/dance bars/Wal-Mart/Pubs/Poonam Pandey/?

Depends

6. Should we have a spitting Tax?

YES.

I want to be...

I want to be at least one of these...

The royal baby of a what's his name Prince of an also-ran country which was once an Empire, and whose media think that they are still one. The way they cover their royal babies, one would think that a King of the Universe has been born. I love it. If that's not possible, I want to be the kid of an Indian celebrity. Same reason.

I would love to be the mid-day meal that did it. The amount of coverage that I got would make up for the bad vibes from the parents of the kids.

I want to be the Chief Minister of at least one State in my lifetime. Even if I have to carve one out of my backyard. Just make me a Chief Minister. Even if I last only a day or two.

I want to be the anchor-who-runs-the-country. You know who I am talking about. Now you got it!

I desperately want to be the judge on a dance show. The inane comments I make would get me tons of money in fees. Comes closest to a do-nothing and get paid fantasy. Cricket commentators are the only other species that can produce such miracles.

If you think I am going bonkers, you are absolutely right. I have a right to. This is my 800th blog post. I have run out of new things to write, maybe?

PJs and OJs

An old classic Ajit joke.

Ajit:         Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert:   Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet:       Saale ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert:   Yes Boss.
Ajeet:       (on phone, to Richards)   Veeveeyun Reechards, soch lo. Tumhari maa hamare kabze mein                  hai ...

Some OJs (Originals)

Why are toes missing from most photo(e)s?

Is it named face 'book' to remind you of something you should be doing-reading?

If a mad man produces agarbattis, what will the product be called?

Insane sticks.

Administration rarely gets any admiration. Is it because it does not minister to the needs of the administered?

Change of Perspective

How quickly perspective changes. Till May this year, Maharashtra was reeling under a drought and praying for rain. Now, many districts of the state are flooded (Nagpur-Wardha railway line was dislocated for a while), and praying for a respite from it. Legislators demanded that a 'wet drought' be declared in some. Not sure what a wet drought is, but I get a sense of what they are saying.

When things are going our way, in love, job, life, whatever, we think the world is a great place to be. The moment adversity gives us a jerk (did not say it tells us we are a jerk, please note), we get all worked up, and curse everything in sight, or out of it.

Funny beings, us humans, don't you think? But then, how else would we be able to increase our vocabulary of curse-words? So there is something in this habit of ours. All for a greater cause. A pity they don't include cuss-words in the GRE or CAT.

Dil in Hindi Film Songs

Expectedly, the word Dil figures often in Hindi film songs, as the songs are about matters of the heart, more often than not. Some of my favourites-

Dil aaj shaayar hai, gham aaj naghma hai, shab yeh ghazal hai sanam..from Gambler.

Yeh dil diwana hai, dil to diwana hai, deewana dil hai yeh dil deewaana (emphasis as per spelling on the word deewana)..from an old movie that I don't remember..Ishq Par Zor Nahin?

Phoolon ke rang se, dil ki kalam se..Prem Pujari classic sung inimitably by Dev Anand on screen.

Chupke se dil dede nai te shor mach jayega from Maryada.

Dil tera deewana hai sanam,..mohabbat ki kasam, mohabbat ki kasam..old Shammi Kapoor film.

Yaad kiya dil ne kahan ho tum, a classic Hemant Kumar- Lata Mangeshkar duet from an old Dev Anand- Usha Kiron starrer Patita. Watch it here. What a melody!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YY2pZa22Io

Chand mera dil, followed by Aa dil kya, mehfil hai tere qadmom mein , and then Tum kya jano, mohabbat kya hai, dil ki mefil sanam ...in Hum Kisi se Kum Nahin, the Nasir Husain potboiler with its garish sets that set up a dance competition between Rishi Kapoor and a handsome Tariq..fabulous entertainment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5INCEEMc3MA

Through the Window by Julian Barnes - Book Review

This is the third book by Julian Barnes that I have read (well, most of it). Each one was different. Only one was fiction.

This one is a collection of essays about authors. George Orwell, Michel Houellebecq (Atomised was the title his novel had in English, translated from French) , Hemingway, Flaubert (rather, Madame Bovary), Kipling, and a few more.

This is an intriguing book, because writers rarely write about other writers- at least not that much. Rather than a traditional review, I will give you a few passages/quotes from this book.

Michel Houellebecq

"It is in our relations with other people, that we gain a sense of ourselves; it's that, pretty much, that makes relations with other people unbearable."

"Anything can happen in life, especially nothing."

Orwell

"All art is to some extent, propaganda."

Ernest Renan, quoted in the chapter about Orwell

"Getting its history wrong is part of being a nation."

Some wonderful anecdotes, and more, about the lives and inclinations of some well-known (and some not) authors. If you are into this sort of reading, wonderful stuff. Well-written.

The Weight Loss Club by Devapriya Roy

What I liked about the book.

This book contains no advice about eating carrots instead of radish, or eating less sweets, if you are so inclined. It does, however slightly, nudge you towards exercise, and two of the protagonists fall in love with each other in so doing. So it is totally worth it, at least for some.

It has the charm of an Amol Palekar- Basu Chatterji film (think Rajnigandha), or a Hrishikesh Mukherjee classic (Bawarchi?  Khubsoorat? You take your pick). Actually, there was a film called Thoda sa Roomani ho Jaaye, which I was sometimes reminded of, in terms of unhappy people with unresolved lives slowly ‘finding themselves’. If I remember that right, Nana Patekar played a critical role in it.

It could happen anywhere. Substitute Dhokla and Thepla  for the Mishti doi and Sandesh, it could be Gujarat. Or Puran poli and Shrikhand, it could be Maharashtra. Though Calcutta is finely integrated into the story, it is not critical to it.

The characters are very real. I could identify at least a couple of people from my own life who would (did?) behave like each of these characters.  Treeza and John, Ananda, Apu, Monalisa and her competing gang of moms with a ‘killer’ instinct, the God-like tuition master Bor Da, and the college kids Abeer, Mandy, AJ and the rest. The ma-in-law takes are really reminiscent of the Lalita Pawar character in films, but also of real life haranguers-in-chief in many households.

From an educationist’s point of view, the parental obsession about their kids’ careers (usually to their detriment and with no concern for their likes) that comes through forcefully (even if it is unintended), is worrying.  Actually, the marriage obsession too, and the middle class love for NRI grooms-though I shouldn’t be complaining. I was one a good 25 years ago. Until we both decided to go desi.

The story is complex, because of the many characters, but is resolved nicely, and the style of writing is first rate. The idea of a flash mob relevant to some recent happenings is used well in the climax. You will however, be disappointed if you were looking for a crash course on weight reduction, with diets, charts, and asinine advice. That is NOT what it is about.

If you liked Devapriya’s first book (The Vague Woman’s Handbook), I am sure you will like this one even more.