Modify Your Life

There are lessons galore to be learnt from the Modi campaign (and others) and results.

1. Hard work pays off- not that it's going to impact us too much.
2. Good ads must be simple, understandable. It helps if you see them baar baar (again and again).
3. If you speak, you must make sense.
4. If you interview with Arnab Goswami, what were you thinking?
5. U.P. can be turned around. It's for real, not Maya (illusion).
6. Maharashtrians can think beyond "Pawarplays".
7. The minds of Rajasthan are not a desert.
8. The Bihari has faith in 'Nitis' but not necessarily Nitish.
9. Dilliwalas can do magic (jadoo) with a jhadoo- even make it disappear.
10. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (cute dimple wale nahi)- the message is the medium.

Pronouncing the Stuff

Renunciation is different from pronunciation. And it's tough to get both right.

We in India take pride in the fact that we are about speaking English the way we like it, and particularly take pride in our regional English. From a long time ago, jokes about regional accents have proliferated, and before I forget, I want to recount some of them.

Like in school, we would ask a Bengali to say, "Venkatramana, Venkatramana, why are you walking in the verandah," with results that were hilarious to the rest.

Or the famous one about a Gujju who went to the to a toy shop and instructed the attendant to "rape the doll" -all he meant was "wrap" or pack the doll.

The Andhravaadus generally pronounce the 'd' in bridge very hard, and it's hard to make them bu'd'ge from their stance.

Easterners like Odiyas confuse Boss with Bus and Bose (the name), so you never know whether the boss took a bus or missed it. Or if Bose did, if he wasn't the boss.

It's always a player to speak with a Punju, for that's how they like to pronounce 'pleasure'.

And with a Tam, it's usually 'money' above all, only you say it like Mani.

More 'eggzamples' can be found everywhere you look (ghati ending).

The Americans- Book Review

Chitra Viraraghavan is new to me, as far as Indian writers go. But it is a good read about something that I know something about- America. The best thing about it is that it treads ground that is not trodden by many Indians writing about the U.S. of A. Usually, the warts remain hidden from view. Not here, not those of the Indians for whom it is a Mecca, nor of the "great American dreamers".

The only complaint I had as an oldish reader was that the characters are many, and it gets tough to remember who is who. But that's more to do with me, than the book. The many angles used, particularly about other immigrants- blacks, Mexicans, and an Israeli, are dimensions I have not seen in Indian writing before. We are too obsessed with our so-called 'brains' and academic success, I assume. The easy-going nature of Americans comes across in the encounters that the old Indian Maths teacher has with them, during his long stay with his daughter. One lady offers to show him around Chicago (and does), which the daughter never finds time for.

America is shown as a normal place with normal people- criminals (yes, of Indian origin), adulterers (ditto), ungrateful kids who leave their parents in limbo but use them when they can, parents who are quite happy not to be living in the land of dreams (not theirs anyway), American born kids of Indians who just want to fit in. The academic systems of American universities show up as heartless and rule-bound, though one could argue it is much worse here in India.

Utterly believable, and very readable, though it might take a bit longer, if you are my age. Guess my age?

We Lead the World ...

People just don't understand. They go by short-sighted things like the GDP and Weapons of Mass Destruction (real ones like those in America or China or Russia) to judge how well a country is doing. Well, I would like to dispel these childish notions about nations and bring to your attention that India leads the world in many things. Such as-

1. No. of potential tourists whom we scare off each year. Amir Khan's trying to rectify that, but it'll be a while.

2. No. of journalists per square inch. This already big number doubles around politicians, criminals, and scamsters. And Rakhi Sawant.

3. Tons of Garbage per capita-uncollected, and spread equitably across the roads.

4. Number of unemployed engineers (we are still not sure if the coding armies of the IT world actually do any real work, so this could be revised upwards soon).

5. Number of suggestions that start with "They should.." or its equivalent. As long as we don't have to do any of the suggested things ourselves. The Japanese luckily did not start suggestion schemes with Indians as their citizens/employees. They wouldn't have known where to begin.

6. Metres of telephone cables per person.

7. Gigametres of roads dug up at any point of time, for reasons ranging from the ridiculous to well,.. ludicrous.

8. Meaningless blogs per square inch of brains.

Nebraska-Film Review

Taking a U.S. state that is known for nothing in particular, and turn it into a minor classic-that is what the director has achieved. I liked it first for what it does not have- supermen, weird animated characters, horror, well-sculpted and manicured people of 'Hollywood-defined Americana'. In other words, all the stereotypes and weirdness, unnatural or supernatural.

The characters are so real, and believable, I can't remember the last time I saw similar ones in a Hollywood movie. There is not one slim female in the film. Not many young ones either-male or female. But the film is absolutely engrossing, and visually enthralling. Just the landscapes of Montana and South Dakota, and the small town of Nebraska, are worth a watch. The farms and the barns, the old houses, and so on are a treat. The gray photography adds to the charm. The acting is world-class- I am not kidding. The actors are mostly unknowns (to me), and Bruce Dern, who plays the old dad around whom the story revolves, is the only one I recognised from old times.

His wife is played by a rumbunctious lady, who remembers all her affairs, real or not, in the funniest situations. There is also a graceful ex-girlfriend of the old man, and an ex-partner who has stolen a compressor from him under false pretences. The humour is under-stated, and evolves from the situation- the old man thinks he has won a million dollars, after he gets a junk mailed letter saying so from a publisher.

The movie works at different levels, with a discussion on what one can do (mostly cannot do) with the American dream- a million dollars. Worth a million bucks. Do watch it.

A Hyderabadi Alumni Meet

Actually, make that two. I had a meeting with my Bangalore chum in the morning (older guys meet in the daytime, keeping our limitations in mind), and then a gala IMT alumni meet (these guys and gals are young) at the Green Park in the evening/night.

The noise levels threatened at times to beat the traffic noise that is 'normal' in all great Indian cities today. But that only reflected the urge to catch up, sometimes after a year's break or more. Mayank, a first batch (2004-06) Nagpur alum was there with family, a highlight. He got introduced to some of the recent happenings at his alma mater. Of course, a lot of recognisable faces (names were added by them at times) for me from the last few batches when I was with IMT- Khushboo, Sneha Goyal, Harleena, Haritima with her hubby this time, Roshan who has now joined Tata Motors, Aashish and his lovely wife (and batchmate)  Anusha, Kaavish who is a regular, Akash (Prof), and Lakshay who both work for Verity, and many more.

The hall was full, and conversations animated-including, but not limited to Seemandhra and Telangana, the Modi landslide, Alia Bhatt and Anjaiah jokes, and people's own plans for the future. One of the highest turnouts in Hyderabad, indicating that alums are enthused. Faculty contingent had Shivnath, Anant Ram, TK Chatterjee, Smita and Sayan. And Vekat Sai from placements,happy that Hyd placements have picked up after years of effort.

It was lovely catching up. Glad I could make it..we did take a group photo to jog the golden memory..it also needs exercise to stay fit.

Post-poll Apps for Various Parties

Post-parliamentary poll in India, I heard Apple has introduced the following downloadable 'food-looking' Apps-

For the Congress, it's a dahi-shakkar, which one partakes of before leaving home- in this case, Lok Sabha.

For the AAP, it is AAPLE juice, a new age invention specially to keep them away. The doctor is already gone (see above) after having his curd and sugar.

For AIADMK, 2 kgs. of halwa from Tirunelveli, also downloadable from Amma's canteen.

For TMC, a lifetime supply of Rosogollas, hoping that will keep them in Kolkata forever, not disturbing us mere mortals elsewhere.

For the Left- A book on SPEAKING ENGLEESH With the Right Accent (not the left). Didi will be allowed to borrow this too.

For the MNS, Babaji ka tullu, whatever that is (refer to Kapil on Sat night).

For the TDP, a smile icon specially designed for Chandrababu Naidu-he looks too damned serious.

And for the BJP, a sattvik dinner in a lotus-shaped dish.