Conspiracy Theories

Did Modi want his supremacy stamped and did he therefore sideline Jaswant Singh?

Are criminal cases against MPs and MLAs motivated?

Did Chidambaram back out of Lok Sabha elections because he was certain he would lose?

Was Tarun Tejpal framed?

Did the Sahara chief get into trouble because he stopped sponsoring the Indian cricket team?

Is there fixing of every cricket match we see on TV?

Was the Malaysian plane really hijacked or is the truth being hidden from the world?

Did that guy in your office get an undeserved promotion?

No one really knows the answers. Therefore, the conspiracy theory is kept alive, and acquires a life of its own. Making the chai-pe-charcha (conversation over tea) an interesting thing.

Lessons from a Flat Tyre

I remember a book about motorcycle maintenance that was a rage during my college days. This is not a book, but a mini-essay on my recent experience at fixing a flat tyre (do not vent your ire at the spelling, the English do spell it  with a 'y').

I had a flat- it was doubtful at the start, and took its time deflating, but at the end, it was undoubtedly flat. Having ascertained the fact, the next step was to remove the spare tyre from the dickey (not the trunk), and replace the flat with the rounded.

There was only a small hitch. The last time I had fixed a flat myself without assistance of expert 'fixers' (not the IPL types) was about a decade ago. So I had to recall how I had done it then. A difficult thing, given the state of the random access memory (also known as RAM). But then, with an indomitable spirit (no, not the kind you are thinking of), I went to work, flat-out.

After a few ups and downs and wrong turns of the screw on the jack, I managed to lift the car off, unbolt the old tyre, and put the new one in its place (I discovered that I liked putting things in their place, just like people). It taught me a lesson. When you are willing to put in blood, sweat, toil and tears (though I only put in two of the above), nothing is impossible.

Getting a fix on the now-flat tyre was postponed to another day. After all, Rome was not won in a day. So why fight all your battles at one time?

Ability Unlimited and Indore Convocation

There was a concert by Ability Unlimited at the IIM Indore campus two evenings ago. This is a group of artists under the stewardship of their mentor and Guru who, in spite of various physical handicaps, perform brilliantly. It was a pleasure to see their spirit, and as expected, it was a full house at the auditorium. They performed incredible movements, many times on wheelchairs, and their repertoire included a Sufi whirling dance (Turkish in origin), a Bharatanatyam performance and more.

Then, close to 550 students from different programs of the institute graduated in a Convocation last evening. Indore has a wide range of programs, from the Fellowship (PhD equivalent) to the integrated 5-year program called IPM that you start on after school (12th). This last is an innovative program, and is currently not on offer at any other IIM in India.  Ramchandra Guha, author, historian, delivered a wonderful convocation address, talking about India's secular, inclusive credentials and how we have not belied the faith of the founders of our republic, and have survived and thrived. He cautioned us that we were however, backward on our concern for the environment, and winning the trust of a few of our constituent states. His speech was peppered with witty takes, and it was a pleasure to hear him speak. His self-deprecatory humour added charm. He described himself as 'distinctly' second class, while talking about his foray into economics (undergrad and postgrad). What saved him was an IIM- Calcutta, by letting him do a fellowship in Sociology, which he grabbed with both hands and found his metier- finally.  Some professor remarked (on hearing he had moved from Economics to Sociology) that this was a Pareto solution- good for him (Guha) and better for Economics. Another cautionary quote from Ambedkar (1949) was read out, and essentially told us not to deify any politician, as that was likely turn him into a dictator.

By the way, we (IIMI) also have campuses in Mumbai and Dubai, where PG programs are offered in two different formats- weekend for working execs and regular for traditional students. Faculty here frequently teach in multiple programs, and get some enriching experience.


Celebrations

 Vijayakumar, above and below. Dhanapal who was also a colleague at Harihar, and Gadgil, who I met later at IMT Nagpur.
 Some students of Batch 2, with my colleagues in front row-below.
 Nidhi from Batch 1, KIAMS,  at Indore recently with her Dad.

Celebrating 480,000 views of this blog with an excerpt from my autobiography. If you want to read more, you can download the free ebook version from the link at the end (though I cannot imagine why anyone would want to)-

Chapter 9:   Harihar: My Golfing Days


The Kirloskar Institute of Advanced Management Studies was a small but high quality residential place for training executives. It was on the banks of river Tungabhadra, in a two-street town. There were two factories there, one owned by Aditya Birla group, and one by the Kirloskar group. These were on either side of the river. An arc-shaped building was the hostel for executives, overlooking a cricket field. Our boss, Prof. Korgaonker, was an ardent cricket fan, and we played a lot of tennis-ball cricket on this ground with our visitors. They were usually twenty-over games, precursors to today’s Twenty-twenty cricket.

A lot of executives came there for the 30-odd programmes we ran through the year. They were from different companies of the Kirloskar group, and from all functional areas like materials management, sales, marketing, international marketing, production, strategy and maintenance. Most were engineers, with no formal management degree. Their work experience ranged from 2 to 20 years. Initially, we got visiting faculty from IIM Ahmedabad (India’s top B school) to handle many of the teaching sessions. They flew to Bangalore from Ahmedabad, usually after a change of flight at Bombay, and then drove about five hours to Harihar. They went back the same way, after a day or two of teaching. This was a difficult way to do things, but it created tremendous brand equity for the programmes we ran. No expense was spared to get the best training materials including cases from Harvard Business School, and training films on diverse subjects like Globalisation, Benchmarking and Business Process Reengineering. The library, though small, was of a high quality, and I have rarely seen such a good collection of intellectual resources in one place since.

We designed training programmes, coordinated them and ran them. Since we (resident faculty) lived on campus, a small walk away, it gave us lots of time to do other things. One discovery I made was that there was an 18 hole golf course in the adjoining campus of Mysore Kirloskar Ltd. And there were not many players. Making use of my FIL’s (Father-in-law’s) old golf set (he had been a long time golfer in Pune), and with a couple of friends, I started playing. The caddies (guys who carry your bag of golf clubs) were my main teachers, and Gaur, a general manager of the company, my usual partner. We made it a point to play at least a few holes everyday, and sometimes the full 18 holes on a holiday.

I did not have this easy an access to golf ever again. But those few years, we played almost every day. Dhanapal and Vijayakumar, my colleagues at the institute, were regulars. Visiting friends and some students were also introduced to the game, and were quite fascinated. My friend Gaur was a smoker, and I usually smoked one cigarette with him at the end of the day’s play- on a regular golf course, the 19th hole is usually a bar! But the smoke and chat were a good substitute. I don’t know why, but socializing improves a lot when one drinks or smokes, at least for men. Maybe we need additional stimulants to awaken our non-existent social skills.

I re-read the P.G. Wodehouse golf stories after I started playing, and enjoyed them much more. “The Clicking of Cuthbert” was one of these. Golf is a serious addiction, but I must say that my wife and kids did not really complain. I played other games before and after this, but golf remains one of my favourites. It is fun to play, looks easy but is pretty tough, and teaches you that in life, you are really competing with yourself. It is also a great stress-buster, because it forces you to take a long walk in green surroundings. It cured the deficiencies in my eyesight as well, and I got rid of my glasses during that time. If you imagine the ball to be your boss’s head while hitting it with all your might, the game takes on a completely new dimension. This viewpoint is highly recommended, unless you are the boss, of course!

After some time, we decided to launch a regular residential MBA program there, as the training market in the group companies was getting saturated. We launched a program, interviewed students and started classes within a short time after the decision. Our headline was “World Class Management Program from the House of Kirloskar”. We did not find the need for AICTE approval, as the program was of high quality, and we were sure of acceptance from students and corporates.

We had a lot of new things to do, like hostel administration, solving student issues, placement promotions and so on, after the PGDM program started at Harihar. Separating boys’ and girls’ hostels became one of the major issues. Though opinion was divided, we finally bowed to convention in batch 2 and separated the two. Placements were a problem initially, and despite all the usual tricks of the trade being used, fell short of students’ expectations. Later, I learnt that they always fall short of expectations. Also, that a student rarely stays more than a year in his first job, even if he claims it is a dream job. In other words, I learnt to take everything with a pinch of salt!

Among the things we did for admission promotion, was making a film. Completely shot on VHS video, with the help of our resident Harihar videocameraman, and scripted by me and a colleague,  Dhanapal. We used interviews with students of batch 1 as our main theme. Many of them performed like pros, and we edited the material into a 15 minute movie. We rented a TV and VCP at each venue, and started admission interviews with a screening. The great location and infrastructure of the institute helped to attract the students, as did the Kirloskar brand name.


Some world class tourist places were within easy reach from Harihar, and we went there quite a few times. Goa was a 9 hour drive, and I spent three Diwali vacations there, with family. Jog falls, which were mesmerizing in the rainy months of June- August, Hampi, with its ruins of Vijaynagar empire, and Belur-Halebeedu, with the exquisite temple carvings, were all within 4-5 hours driving distance. Closer, there was a river bed in a village called Rajanahalli where we went for afternoon or evening picnics with our own food and drinks.

We also did onsite training programs for Kirloskar group executives, and I traveled to Pune, Nagpur and Jaipur for some of these. At Jaipur, among other things, we saw the movie Mission Kashmir in the palatial Rajmandir movie theater at Jaipur. Another program was done at a hotel next to the Osho ashram in Pune, and we heard the evening music and partying next door.

I got all round admin. experience as I coordinated almost every administrative activity, including admissions, placement, MDP and so on. One good decision we made was to align with CAT for our admissions. This gave us instant visibility in the ‘good students’ segment. SDM institute (at Mysore) started around the same time with their PGDM, and in one early survey of B schools, KIAMS and SDM were tied at rank 30. Later, with a proliferation of surveys, it was tough to keep track of ranks. Also, B schools started mushrooming everywhere, and of all kinds. KIAMS also never tried cashing in or scaling up, and it was both a plus and a minus. Minus because scale gives you visibility (like in the case of ICFAI), and plus because you can be selective about student intake. And, it is a pleasure to teach smaller classes.

Prof S.N. Chary was our director when we started the MBA, and stayed with us through the first year of the program. Then he went back to IIM Bangalore, where he had been our professor. The new director after him had no clue of how a great MBA programme is run, and the disillusionment forced most faculty to desert the institute. I think my first inspiration to head a B school came from him, because if he could do it, so could I, was my logic.

But the next move happened not as the head, but as a faculty member at IIM, Lucknow.
*****
 The promised link to the ebook.

Election Graffiti

Elections are usually the time for acerbic wit, and even usually docile people suddenly get animated. Some of the gems that keep popping up have to do with nicknames- Pappu, Pheku, Maut ka saudagar,  and so on.

A new title was coined after the very notorious weapon of mass destruction, aka the AK-47. This one is known as AK-49, named after the party founder who first did a sit-in, and then a walk-out from his own government, all in just 49 days. His cap and muffler have provided wonderful fodder to all the cartoonists around. A cartoon showed NaMo cough syrup as an antidote to his recalcitrant cough.

The case of the pot calling the kettle black is also pretty prevalent. Every party blames the other for all kinds of omissions and commissions (I am not referring to commissions of enquiry here, they are a saga unto themselves), as if they are comprised of saints and Mahatmas.  I wonder if the holier-than-thou posturing comes from having celebrated Holi recently! It is quite amusing to see banalities and generalities being bandied around with gay (used in a hetero context) abandon.

But the bottomline for me is that the election continuing to be fought every five years on the same issues, even after 65 odd years. Gives you a feeling of having been gypped, doesn't it?

Nanda Passes Away

I think I first saw her in the film Gumnaam, the one based on an Agatha Christie story of serial murders of people marooned on an island. Mehmood made it famous with his song Hum kaale hain to kya hua dilwale hain, but Nanda had the female lead, and Helen was the other female character.

After that, I remember seeing her prancing around the trees with Rajesh Khanna in 'The Train,' to the song "Gulabi aankhen jo teri dekhi sharaabi yeh dil ho gaya," one of my favourite Rafi songs. She also had a few good songs picturised on her, like "Kisliye maine pyar kiya,.."

Her other prominent role I remember was in another murder mystery, a songless drama called "Ittefaq" again co-starring Rajesh Khanna. I think she was also one of the three women who wooed Dev Anand in Teen Deviyan.

I am sure there were lots of others, in a long career, but she was elegant on screen, and started off as a child actor, maybe before my time. She will be remembered by those who saw her in the sixties or seventies. 

Ticking Ticket Bomb

There are tickets where you pay for them, as in plane, train, bus or tram tickets. Also some entry tickets like to a movie, or circus, or concert. Or a parking/speeding ticket, which is your contribution towards speeding up a slowing economy.

But what I am referring to is a bonanza that enables you to holiday at taxpayers' expense-if you win. The ticket to contest an election, I mean. Kids whose lollipops have been snatched between 'the cup and the lip' don't throw such tantrums as we have seen seventy-plus politicos throw in the last few days. When these oldies were denied tickets.

At an age where you either retire to a forest in keeping with the Hindu tradition of sannyas, or play with your grandchildren at home, these worthies aspire to a kingdom of their dreams. They scream louder than their grandkids, or go into a sulk that would shame a Kaikeyi who sent Rama wandering for fourteen years.

Whether they have their faculties intact to do anything useful if elected is tough to figure out. In a nation of young people, as they keep reminding us all, aren't they totally out of place?

Why not buy a bead chain (rudraksha mala) and count the beads until it's time to permanently retire? But they'd rather count the greenbacks of whatever colour in the Swiss Alps, I presume. Oh, for a colourful life in the cause of THE PARTY! Maybe the party should buy them a one way ticket to the moon, as in the once-popular pop song. (Bappi copied it into a Hindi one sung by Usha Uthup).


Mispronounced Words

 Growing up, a lot of words were mispronounced, by us and those around us. These included a few English words- Daver or Diver for Driver Tat...

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