Kitnay Admi Thay- Book Review

Yes, this is the title of a book. About Bollywood's follies. Celebrating them. The author, Diptakirti Chaudhuri, is apparently a fellow-blogger too. Another reason to like his book.

There are chapters about the mother-son cliches. And brother-sister cliches. The mothers (Nargis, Nirupa Roy especially), the mothers-in-law (Lalita Pawar et al).

The hero's sidekick. The heroine's confidant, the daughter-father arguments, the rich-poor divide, the running around trees and how it is environment-friendly ( I just made that up).

And of course, the villains, the dialogues that made them famous (Mogambo khush hua?)- the book's title being one case in point.

And lots of trivia- completely useless, as the book's cover proclaims-that will leave you wondering why you haven't read this book so far! There are also some futuristic cliches that we might see in the future.

A must-read if you love Bollywood in spite of all its foibles. If we can love people with all their flaws (ourselves included), why not Bollywood? After all, all of the TV serials can't hold a candle to its larger-than-life entertainment.

Bombast

This is not the short form for bomb blast, please note. This refers to generally showing off with words. This is what journalists, lawyers, academicians, Public Relations guys etc. do to 'add value' to themselves, their professions, and whatever they are talking about, such as events. Use of meaningless words in the right places adds to the mystique of things. Examples-

Global
Strategy
Transformation
Metrosexual (no one is quite sure what that means, unlike bi- or trans-)
Revolutionary (new product, technology)
Game-changing (THAT usage IS the game, my friend)
Breaking news (I hear laughter breaking out among readers)
Breakthrough (while you are at it, might as well break a few more)
Fantastic (savings- when you spend a lot, that is)
Out-of-the-world (holiday destination- is it on Mars?)
Plagiarism- won't plain old copying do?
Big Data- anything can be this
Cloud- this is apparently not the pieces of fluff that you encounter in the sky, but here on earth
Soulmate- by definition, the soul is invisible. So how do you know if the soul has found a mate?
Millennium- what exactly is it? A thousand, million, or in between?
Baby-boomers- may a thousand babies bloom
Boundary-spanning
Bounded Rationality (I assume it's the the opposite of Unlimited Stupidity)
X-gen, Y-gen, Z-gen.....take your pick

Lata Mangeshkar Museum

Some 300 metres from IIM Indore's gate 2 is a two-storeyed house. This is a remarkable storehouse of Indian film music- all in LP records- named after Lata Mangeshkar. The owner/curator has collected these, and claims that he has all Hindi music ever made for films, from 1932 till 1990.

I spent some time looking at his collection, and got a customised CD made of some of my favourites. In the process, I also figured out what one man can do, if he sets his mind to it. I had converted some of my own collection of Hindi music into cassettes, but that was just a few hundred selected songs over a few years in the seventies.

This collection of records is amazing. To add to this he also has written four voluminous books about the songs of Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle. Might acquire one of them sometime. They are in Hindi, and that may be why I haven't seen them in mainstream bookstores anywhere.

Remarkable.

My Miracle Cures

Inspired by various miracle cures being promoted for a wide range of illnesses on TV channels (why  all these docs originate in places like Faridabad and Pithampur, is something I am yet to fathom, but let us keep that aside in the larger interest), I decided I will promote my own diets/remedies/miracle cures. Try them if you believe in miracles.

1. Adrak wali chai- miraculously wakes you up. Not half as effective if you have to wake up and make it yourself. If possible, get married before you try this.

2. Pan after lunch/dinner. This is excellent for your system, and for the mouth. Not so good for the white walls, but that is a small price to pay for keeping your system functioning well.

3. Mooli ke paranthe. Generally, the mooli is white, the colour that symbolises purity (all Bollywood moms wear white- or used to, until they finished off the mom character itself). You get the point. Pure, and wholesome.

4. Cadbury's chocolate. Contrary to what people believe, this was an Indian Ayurvedic recipe, for which credit is not given. Good as a mood uplifter, much more than the ballyhooed substitutes. Women will vouch for this, as will promoters of Valentine's Day (another blatantly copied ancient Indian custom, relabelled and sold back to us). If only we had patents,...

5. TV. This is a remedy that was conceptualised by Ayurveda for many ills. John Logie simply manufactured it. It is a cure for sleeplessness, tendency towards too much exercise, overuse of brains, and lack of babysitters. Try it, guaranteed 100% cure for all the above. Only, avoid telemarketing channels selling Ayurvedic medicine. They are frauds.

Republic Day- My Dream India

My dream India would have-

no starvation deaths

no child mortality

no infanticide-rather, birth control used wisely

equal opportunity for boys and girls

no discrimination

no dowry

no stupidity on TV (I am afraid many, many channels would have to shut down)

no immigration check (this would need cooperation of the rest of the world)

a limit on corporate income ( at a reasonably high limit), with the rest going into social upliftment or poverty alleviation managed by reputed NGOs or special purpose organisations

capital punishment for people who build bad roads

airports functioning in every tier 2 town, with easy licensing, low taxes

passport and RTO offices being outsourced to customer-friendly organisations

low paying jobs (irrespective of educational qualifications) for anyone who wants them, with chances to upgrade skills and progress higher-much higher (parallel to this, an organisation to invent useful jobs in different sectors)

easy starts for entrepreneurs

Dolly ki Doli- Film Review

Dolly ki Doli is watchable. The premise is quite a likeable one, with certain similarities to Dawat-e-ishq in the modus operandi followed by the bride. Only, in this case, she is the genuine article- a scamster through and through.

An interesting premise, of marrying gullible men and making off with the booty after feeding them milk mixed with drugs; done reasonably well. The only problem I had was that of a lack of hard-hitting scenes and dialogue. It might have enhanced the film's WQ- watchability quotient- a lot. The lead actor Sonam Kapoor has done well, except the dance number. Malaika still does that a lot better.

The support actors are all pretty good. The length of the movie is a pleasant 100 minutes, and that is a plus. Some of the jokes about marriage and relationships (for instance, Sonam telling one of her victims that it is cheaper to get scammed than to be married a long time) are decent. I wouldn't go out of the way to watch this caper, but it's not bad. 2.8 on 5.

Obama Visits India, I Visit Timbuktu

Inspired by all the visits by Heads of State, and the Pope, I decided I would visit some place. It had to be unique, but known to people somehow. There were only two such places- Jhumritalaiya, made famous by all the farmaishes (song requests on radio) and Timbuktu. Given that the former was too 'middle class' and infra dig, I settled on Timbuktu.

I had to work hard at finding out how to actually get there, but once I did, I got a hero's welcome. I was told that I was the first visitor from this continent to actually go there. I felt like I had achieved something that even Obama hadn't. And at a fraction of the cost that it must be costing him. Also, saving myself from the traffic jams resulting from his visit.

I also found out how the place got its name- there was a buck-toothed guy called Tim, who everyone there made fun of, and his name over time stuck to the place itself. Tim-buck-too also, in a stroke of poetic justice, got to be spoken of derisively. Saving Jhumritalaiya the blushes.