With the intriguing trend of insuring your body parts catching on, I am sure there would be a race among the well-endowed, in various parts, to earn bragging rights. As in, "My bald patch is worth more than yours" among the wig-wammers (a wig-wam is a Red Indian dwelling I happened to see in Texas), sorry, wig-wearers of celebritydom. Other variants of this would be "My eyelashes are more fetching (in terms of insurance, not aesthetically) than yours", or "My beer belly has a bigger bulge and can earn more terminal benefits if it bursts" etc. And no doubt, insurance companies would go belly-up if all these insured ones were to burst at the same time, as a result of a party that called upon them to fill-up, kingsize, with the king of good times.
What if you could insure egos? Then, the race for the no.1 could easily be decided by the premiums paid, and why not? You can after all, afford to have an ego only when there are people/hangers-on in large enough numbers to feed it, and who but the no.1 celebrity would be so lucky? And insurance companies cannot afford to ignore such hard data while fixing the sum assured, assuredly? So finally, we would come to know who is the real Baadshah (or Begum) of Bollywood- something that we were pining for all these years.
A related thought is that the patents office should start allowing criminal masterminds, terrorists, etc. to patent their pet technologies. Whether it is use of planes to bomb towers, or a simple rock to throw at the security forces, or a bomb in a pressure cooker (or underwear, as one unfortunate guy tried recently), no two terrorist organisers should be allowed to copy each other's methods. And the penalty for violation of the patent? Should be a forced exile on an island which broadcasts only Ekta Kapoor's serials, 24x7.
Women I Admire
There are several, despite my usual take-offs on the 'better half' of our species (which is due to genetic wiring, and not my fault). Let me try and list a few, with reasons completely my own -defensible or not- for admiring them. I am sticking to those in public life, to prevent a tu tu main main (you you, me, me in Hindi, or a dogfight in plain English) among women who are in close proximity for either excluding them, or including some others- wonder how the kings with 100 wives managed the politics. Anyway, here goes.
Nandita Das gets vote number one, for sounding real. That may not seem like a big deal, but most people in public life look fake to a degree, and she is the closest I find to being a real person. What she achieved or not is irrelevant to this measurement parameter.
Hema Malini for looking so good, that she beats her daughters hollow at 50 (or whatever her age is). She really made us believe, apart from one or two others, that dreams can come down in human form. The only fault I can find in this dreamy apparition is her Hindi diction, but what the hell?
Indira Rajaraman, a professor of economics who taught us at IIMB. She was the only one who could make me understand a bit of macroeconomics (what's that?)which sounded like gobbledygook until then.
Preity Zinta for standing up to testify against some threat callers from abroad, when no one else was willing to go on record.
Medha Patkar, for obvious reasons-standing up for rights of the dispossessed in a never-ending fight, knowing that it will never end.
A couple of nuns in my primary school (forgot their names, sadly) who controlled the unruly class consisting of more than 50 boys and girls and managed to smile sweetly through it all.
Enid Blyton, for creating wonderful stories for kids to savour. Childhood might have been boring if she had not existed.
Agatha Christie, for creating Hercule Poirot, my favorite detective. Just his description- the egg-shaped head, the carefully waxed moustache, his mannerisms and his 'little grey cells' made the books starring him unputdownable. What imagination!
Asha Bhosle, for her energy, lovely voice and the come-hither quality that she brought to the many songs that required it.
Finally, Draupadi, for managing five husbands. I am sure it must be as difficult as managing five wives, if not more.
Nandita Das gets vote number one, for sounding real. That may not seem like a big deal, but most people in public life look fake to a degree, and she is the closest I find to being a real person. What she achieved or not is irrelevant to this measurement parameter.
Hema Malini for looking so good, that she beats her daughters hollow at 50 (or whatever her age is). She really made us believe, apart from one or two others, that dreams can come down in human form. The only fault I can find in this dreamy apparition is her Hindi diction, but what the hell?
Indira Rajaraman, a professor of economics who taught us at IIMB. She was the only one who could make me understand a bit of macroeconomics (what's that?)which sounded like gobbledygook until then.
Preity Zinta for standing up to testify against some threat callers from abroad, when no one else was willing to go on record.
Medha Patkar, for obvious reasons-standing up for rights of the dispossessed in a never-ending fight, knowing that it will never end.
A couple of nuns in my primary school (forgot their names, sadly) who controlled the unruly class consisting of more than 50 boys and girls and managed to smile sweetly through it all.
Enid Blyton, for creating wonderful stories for kids to savour. Childhood might have been boring if she had not existed.
Agatha Christie, for creating Hercule Poirot, my favorite detective. Just his description- the egg-shaped head, the carefully waxed moustache, his mannerisms and his 'little grey cells' made the books starring him unputdownable. What imagination!
Asha Bhosle, for her energy, lovely voice and the come-hither quality that she brought to the many songs that required it.
Finally, Draupadi, for managing five husbands. I am sure it must be as difficult as managing five wives, if not more.
Alumni Meet at Bangalore
Continuing our series of chapter meetings with IMT Nagpur alumni, we had a very well-attended gathering at the Oberoi in Bangalore last week. Lot of old and new faces, lots of animated discussions, some good ideas thrown around, and updating of old friendships, all happened in the space of a few hours. We closed around 12.30 am.
Met a corporate group at Mumbai and discussed training possibilities for their engineers/managers. This is one area where IMT Nagpur is poised to scale up its activity levels.
Also met a few students and faculty at Vignana Jyoti Inst. of Mgt. Hyderabad and saw their new campus. Had worked there in the early 90's.
An activity-filled, hectic week. To round it off, we now have a Marketing Seminar organised by our student group this weekend on the campus. Lot of visitors from industry will participate, and so will students from other colleges.
Met a corporate group at Mumbai and discussed training possibilities for their engineers/managers. This is one area where IMT Nagpur is poised to scale up its activity levels.
Also met a few students and faculty at Vignana Jyoti Inst. of Mgt. Hyderabad and saw their new campus. Had worked there in the early 90's.
An activity-filled, hectic week. To round it off, we now have a Marketing Seminar organised by our student group this weekend on the campus. Lot of visitors from industry will participate, and so will students from other colleges.
For She Cabs
Taxi cabs driven by women, for women. Sounds like the by the people, democracy slogan? In a way, it is. Last week, the founder of this unique cab service-For She Cabs (in Mumbai and Delhi), came to IMT Nagpur to share her experience as part of our guest lecture series. And the students were overwhelmed with this brave entrepreneur, and her story.
In a totally male-dominated industry, to set up a niche-segment company required guts, vision and perseverance. All that came across in the vivacious Revathi Roy, the founder. Her biggest challenge, once the idea came to her, was to find adequate women willing to drive cabs. She finally started her own academy to train willing women, and ended up starting a second business which produced trained drivers for her own needs.
Even today, with expansion in more cities planned, she sees drivers as one potential bottleneck. But that is not going to stop her from going full steam ahead. She has a lot of other ideas too, and will drive them into reality when the time is right. Bravo!
In a totally male-dominated industry, to set up a niche-segment company required guts, vision and perseverance. All that came across in the vivacious Revathi Roy, the founder. Her biggest challenge, once the idea came to her, was to find adequate women willing to drive cabs. She finally started her own academy to train willing women, and ended up starting a second business which produced trained drivers for her own needs.
Even today, with expansion in more cities planned, she sees drivers as one potential bottleneck. But that is not going to stop her from going full steam ahead. She has a lot of other ideas too, and will drive them into reality when the time is right. Bravo!
Promoting Films
Bollywood used to have a great pre-release promotion tool in the sixties and seventies - a sponsored 15 minute radio program anchored by Ameen Sayani or some other RJ- that it has all but lost these days. Internet has compnsated to an extent, and the TV news about movies about to be released. Stars are much more accessible on the idiot box and also in person these days- Aamir Khan and Rajkumar Hirani had come to Nagpur before the release of 3 Idiots, and Akshay before the release of Khatta Meetha, for instance.
During the film's run, the newspaper ads and listings still play a major role in conveying basic information like show timings and actors. But many of the ancillary parts like script-writers, song writers and music directors, etc. get less and less attention in the publicity these days, even in movie credits. Can anyone recall the music director of the last three movies you saw?
The product life cycle for a film in traditional movie theatres is down to a week or two in most cases. Therefore, the money may actually come from non-traditional rights like TV rights, music rights sold to companies, product placements (branded products used as props in the film for a price) and so on. This also means that the release has to be simultaneous in many towns, unlike the good old days when movies used to release in metros like Mumbai first, and then the same prints were carted off to small towns. Remember ads that said "Brand new print" because many had scratches from having been rerun several times? Digital copies are also making it possible not to have the traditional reels or spools of film.
Has all this resulted in a better experience for the film-goer? Yes and no. I still recollect the best movies seen in good cinema halls with awe. Ramakrishna 70 mm in Hyderabad, where I saw Sholay, and a few English films, or Sangeet in Secunderabad, for example. They had great sound, picture quality, ambience, some better than the multiplexes. Rajmandir in Jaipur is built like a palace.
On the other hand, availability of tickets through multiple channels has made life a bit simpler. Black-marketing has almost vanished. Single theatres are still affordable, but multiplexes are exorbitantly priced from the point of view of a common man. Earlier, movies were socialist in audience mix, while they now have an elitist bias in the pricey multiplexes. That has brought down some of the enjoyment of going to a theatre.
Another phenomenon that has emerged of late is the dubbed film. Most Hollywood movies are dubbed into Hindi or regional languages. This enlarges the audience base but can also turn off some sections-albeit smaller in number.
During the film's run, the newspaper ads and listings still play a major role in conveying basic information like show timings and actors. But many of the ancillary parts like script-writers, song writers and music directors, etc. get less and less attention in the publicity these days, even in movie credits. Can anyone recall the music director of the last three movies you saw?
The product life cycle for a film in traditional movie theatres is down to a week or two in most cases. Therefore, the money may actually come from non-traditional rights like TV rights, music rights sold to companies, product placements (branded products used as props in the film for a price) and so on. This also means that the release has to be simultaneous in many towns, unlike the good old days when movies used to release in metros like Mumbai first, and then the same prints were carted off to small towns. Remember ads that said "Brand new print" because many had scratches from having been rerun several times? Digital copies are also making it possible not to have the traditional reels or spools of film.
Has all this resulted in a better experience for the film-goer? Yes and no. I still recollect the best movies seen in good cinema halls with awe. Ramakrishna 70 mm in Hyderabad, where I saw Sholay, and a few English films, or Sangeet in Secunderabad, for example. They had great sound, picture quality, ambience, some better than the multiplexes. Rajmandir in Jaipur is built like a palace.
On the other hand, availability of tickets through multiple channels has made life a bit simpler. Black-marketing has almost vanished. Single theatres are still affordable, but multiplexes are exorbitantly priced from the point of view of a common man. Earlier, movies were socialist in audience mix, while they now have an elitist bias in the pricey multiplexes. That has brought down some of the enjoyment of going to a theatre.
Another phenomenon that has emerged of late is the dubbed film. Most Hollywood movies are dubbed into Hindi or regional languages. This enlarges the audience base but can also turn off some sections-albeit smaller in number.
Of Godliness and 100% Attendance
Note: This was written during my days as a student at IIM Bangalore, where we were briefly subjected to the rule.
Thought-provoking articles are always a success. Because the reader likes to be provoked- or it could be because he likes to think that he can ‘think’- there’s no other way his ‘thoughts’ could be provoked. Anyway, proceeding with the above assumption, when the compulsions to write became unavoidable, I turned my attention to the issue of compulsory one hundred percent attendance. The more I thought about the subject, the more it provoked me. In fact, half-way through my ‘thinking’ trip, I suddenly realized the rationale behind the 100% attendance rule.
There are people who look upon the rule as an infringement of their Right to Skip Classes-as enshrined in the Students’ Constitution. But think deeply (how deep you go is left to you and your aptitude for delving) and you immediately discover the fallacy inherent in the above presumption. The rule cannot be an infringement of the said constitution, simply because it is above all such mundane matters. In fact, it is a sincere attempt by the concerned authorities to elevate ‘the cream of Indian student community’ to greater heights- to godliness, to be precise.
Because, who can be so naïve as to imagine that an ordinary average mortal can attend all classes on all working days all round the year? The common reaction is, “It’s humanly impossible.” But alas, hardly anyone takes the logic a step further and says “It’s ‘Godly’ possible.” Actually, the whole exercise is aimed at bringing Man (the species so abundant in the deep woods of Bannerghatta) closer to God. And the move to bridge the gulf between Man (the student in this case) and God has paid off. This was confirmed recently when one of the professors saw an assignment submitted by a student and exclaimed, “Oh, God!” He was closer to the truth (and the student, closer to God) than he had imagined.
Some skeptics claim that the rule breeds corrupt practices like proxy signatures for absentees by their ‘attentive’ brethren on the sheet circulated by professors in class. But this argument does not hold water. Why? Because these playful pranks are eventually brought to light thanks to a vigilant MIS (management information system). The guilty, who then repent (often in writing) and seek forgiveness are purged of their sins and are thus drawn closer to the almighty- in the process, learning one more important fact of life; that CRIME DOES NOT PAY. This learning is actually redundant for those of the ‘semi-gods’ that see Hindi films.
For the ignoramus who still attributes unholy motives to the rule without realizing the noble intentions of the appropriate authorities, a prescribed dose of some slogans like these should be administered-
‘Shortest way to Salvation-Attend Classes’
‘Optimal Path to Heaven- Attend O.R.’
‘For Eternal Bliss in the After-life- 100% Attendance’, or a challenging one like the following-
‘Loneliness in room, or Godliness in Class? The Choice is Yours’.
These and other such slogans (similarly ingenious) are expected to market the concept effectively. Even if the campaign does not immediately generate enough enthusiasm in habitual shirkers to get them to occupy front rows in class, no matter. Given long enough to operate it will instill a sense of responsibility among the students, which is a task well-begun, and hence half-done.
Thus unknowingly but definitely, the student community goes on in its quest for godliness. Even as the attendance rule continues to bug many, some adopt, philosophically, the policy of ‘grin and bear it’; yet others take recourse to verse and express themselves thus- ‘Ours not to reason why. Ours but to attend and SIGH.’
Thought-provoking articles are always a success. Because the reader likes to be provoked- or it could be because he likes to think that he can ‘think’- there’s no other way his ‘thoughts’ could be provoked. Anyway, proceeding with the above assumption, when the compulsions to write became unavoidable, I turned my attention to the issue of compulsory one hundred percent attendance. The more I thought about the subject, the more it provoked me. In fact, half-way through my ‘thinking’ trip, I suddenly realized the rationale behind the 100% attendance rule.
There are people who look upon the rule as an infringement of their Right to Skip Classes-as enshrined in the Students’ Constitution. But think deeply (how deep you go is left to you and your aptitude for delving) and you immediately discover the fallacy inherent in the above presumption. The rule cannot be an infringement of the said constitution, simply because it is above all such mundane matters. In fact, it is a sincere attempt by the concerned authorities to elevate ‘the cream of Indian student community’ to greater heights- to godliness, to be precise.
Because, who can be so naïve as to imagine that an ordinary average mortal can attend all classes on all working days all round the year? The common reaction is, “It’s humanly impossible.” But alas, hardly anyone takes the logic a step further and says “It’s ‘Godly’ possible.” Actually, the whole exercise is aimed at bringing Man (the species so abundant in the deep woods of Bannerghatta) closer to God. And the move to bridge the gulf between Man (the student in this case) and God has paid off. This was confirmed recently when one of the professors saw an assignment submitted by a student and exclaimed, “Oh, God!” He was closer to the truth (and the student, closer to God) than he had imagined.
Some skeptics claim that the rule breeds corrupt practices like proxy signatures for absentees by their ‘attentive’ brethren on the sheet circulated by professors in class. But this argument does not hold water. Why? Because these playful pranks are eventually brought to light thanks to a vigilant MIS (management information system). The guilty, who then repent (often in writing) and seek forgiveness are purged of their sins and are thus drawn closer to the almighty- in the process, learning one more important fact of life; that CRIME DOES NOT PAY. This learning is actually redundant for those of the ‘semi-gods’ that see Hindi films.
For the ignoramus who still attributes unholy motives to the rule without realizing the noble intentions of the appropriate authorities, a prescribed dose of some slogans like these should be administered-
‘Shortest way to Salvation-Attend Classes’
‘Optimal Path to Heaven- Attend O.R.’
‘For Eternal Bliss in the After-life- 100% Attendance’, or a challenging one like the following-
‘Loneliness in room, or Godliness in Class? The Choice is Yours’.
These and other such slogans (similarly ingenious) are expected to market the concept effectively. Even if the campaign does not immediately generate enough enthusiasm in habitual shirkers to get them to occupy front rows in class, no matter. Given long enough to operate it will instill a sense of responsibility among the students, which is a task well-begun, and hence half-done.
Thus unknowingly but definitely, the student community goes on in its quest for godliness. Even as the attendance rule continues to bug many, some adopt, philosophically, the policy of ‘grin and bear it’; yet others take recourse to verse and express themselves thus- ‘Ours not to reason why. Ours but to attend and SIGH.’
Marketing Fundas for Bollywood Part 2
Continuing on the theme, we look into the 4 Ps of marketing applied to Bollywood.
Product, the first P
For ease of understanding, let us call this either masala or unique (non-masala). The masala movie consists of taking known ingredients like emotion, drama, fights, songs, a dance item number (formerly known simply as a cabaret), and a comedy track as exemplified by the hero's sidekick played by Mehmood, Deven Varma, Asrani, Johny Walker, or any of their current counterparts, though they are on the endangered list. Mix all these in a palatable mixture, and with different stars either in predictable lead pairs, such as Dharmendra-Babita, Or Dharmendra-Hema Malini, or Amitabh-Rekha, or unusual ones, like Amitabh-Hema (I think they starred together in Kasauti in their heyday once). The endless lost and found tales of the sixties and seventies are one form of this product, and the breezy rom-coms staring Shammi Kapoor are another. The Jubilee (Rajendra) Kumar's movies and most Dharmendra films are also of this type. The Madras masala movies with Jeetendra, Sridevi, Jayaprada combos usually were another variation, usually more Over-the-top than the others, with extravagant dance sequences and emotions.
Occasional spice is added by having double roles for the lead actor or actress. Another variation is the historical based on a king like Akbar (Mughal-e-Azam)or Shivaji, where the ingedients are already available in the story. A touch of the supernatural added, and you have the mythological stories of the Ramayan or Mahabharat kind. Of late, Hollywood has been imitating these successfully, with tranposed time periods making it look very modern and SFX (special effects)- oriented, but it is a variation of the same, ancient idea.
The unusual film is a product that cannot be easily classified into a masala category. Either the storyline is very different, or some of the masala ingredients are missing. The songless movies like Kanoon, Ittefaq, or a recent silent movie called Pushpak. Realistic films like Ankur, Nishant, Aakrosh and Chakra are also a part of this category of products, with unusual themes.
Within the two formats, the quality of the story, script, acting, direction, music and lyrics, or photography make the films different to an extent. For example, Mithun Chakraborty became known as the "poor man's Amitabh because he played similar roles in lower budget films, before carving out his own identity as a disco dancing hero. or, the way Nasir Husain treated the story gave him many successes using a similar formula as his unsuccessful peers. Songs were differentiators in many cases, and an RD Burman or an OP Nayyar could transform a pedestrian film into a rocking entertainer, as Hum Kisise Kum Nahin, or Kashmir Ki Kali can prove.
One could also classify the product as original or adapted from another source, but with creative media like films, it is difficult to tell if anything is entirely original.
Product, the first P
For ease of understanding, let us call this either masala or unique (non-masala). The masala movie consists of taking known ingredients like emotion, drama, fights, songs, a dance item number (formerly known simply as a cabaret), and a comedy track as exemplified by the hero's sidekick played by Mehmood, Deven Varma, Asrani, Johny Walker, or any of their current counterparts, though they are on the endangered list. Mix all these in a palatable mixture, and with different stars either in predictable lead pairs, such as Dharmendra-Babita, Or Dharmendra-Hema Malini, or Amitabh-Rekha, or unusual ones, like Amitabh-Hema (I think they starred together in Kasauti in their heyday once). The endless lost and found tales of the sixties and seventies are one form of this product, and the breezy rom-coms staring Shammi Kapoor are another. The Jubilee (Rajendra) Kumar's movies and most Dharmendra films are also of this type. The Madras masala movies with Jeetendra, Sridevi, Jayaprada combos usually were another variation, usually more Over-the-top than the others, with extravagant dance sequences and emotions.
Occasional spice is added by having double roles for the lead actor or actress. Another variation is the historical based on a king like Akbar (Mughal-e-Azam)or Shivaji, where the ingedients are already available in the story. A touch of the supernatural added, and you have the mythological stories of the Ramayan or Mahabharat kind. Of late, Hollywood has been imitating these successfully, with tranposed time periods making it look very modern and SFX (special effects)- oriented, but it is a variation of the same, ancient idea.
The unusual film is a product that cannot be easily classified into a masala category. Either the storyline is very different, or some of the masala ingredients are missing. The songless movies like Kanoon, Ittefaq, or a recent silent movie called Pushpak. Realistic films like Ankur, Nishant, Aakrosh and Chakra are also a part of this category of products, with unusual themes.
Within the two formats, the quality of the story, script, acting, direction, music and lyrics, or photography make the films different to an extent. For example, Mithun Chakraborty became known as the "poor man's Amitabh because he played similar roles in lower budget films, before carving out his own identity as a disco dancing hero. or, the way Nasir Husain treated the story gave him many successes using a similar formula as his unsuccessful peers. Songs were differentiators in many cases, and an RD Burman or an OP Nayyar could transform a pedestrian film into a rocking entertainer, as Hum Kisise Kum Nahin, or Kashmir Ki Kali can prove.
One could also classify the product as original or adapted from another source, but with creative media like films, it is difficult to tell if anything is entirely original.
Predictable is boring
Predictable is boring. Innumerable examples. Also the reason why life in India is more exciting than life in US or Germany (not even counting the vast chasm in the quality of food between the different places). What fun can you have if the electricity remains on 24 hours a day, day after day? Americans never heard of singing songs when the lights go off, I am sure. Or never enjoyed the gossip and fights that women can indulge in while collecting water from public taps which come on and go off at times of their own choosing.
Terrorists keep choosing new methods to harass their victims. Just when you thought the next attack will be in local trains (like the last), desperadoes come cruising in a boat. When you think AK 47s will be the weapon of choice, you get good old stone-pelting, and not necessarily from terrorists alone.
The simple household maid, a source of joy to millions of housewives in India, adds to the fun in everyone's life by constantly making them play the game of "Will she, won't she?". The angst is comparable to that of a young would-be-bridegroom asking his would-be-bride the milion dollar question, but the difference is the frequency with which this happens with the housewife-maid combo.
Just when you thought Tatas had cornered the market for small cars with the Nano, you hear that Mamata has spread her love and affection (mamata, in other words) all over West Bengal, including its production site. Instead, you hear, Jaguar and Land Rover are raking it in. Unbelievable, but apparently, true.
Terrorists keep choosing new methods to harass their victims. Just when you thought the next attack will be in local trains (like the last), desperadoes come cruising in a boat. When you think AK 47s will be the weapon of choice, you get good old stone-pelting, and not necessarily from terrorists alone.
The simple household maid, a source of joy to millions of housewives in India, adds to the fun in everyone's life by constantly making them play the game of "Will she, won't she?". The angst is comparable to that of a young would-be-bridegroom asking his would-be-bride the milion dollar question, but the difference is the frequency with which this happens with the housewife-maid combo.
Just when you thought Tatas had cornered the market for small cars with the Nano, you hear that Mamata has spread her love and affection (mamata, in other words) all over West Bengal, including its production site. Instead, you hear, Jaguar and Land Rover are raking it in. Unbelievable, but apparently, true.
Marketing Fundas for Bollywood
Just thought of this idea, that we could (or should) apply marketing concepts to Bollywood and see what we can come up with. So, here goes.
Segmentation
The masses can be segmented various ways. First segmentation is by price. The multiplexes, for all their plus points, score very low on price (are priced too high) for the masses. How many people from this segment can actually afford to take out a family to a multiplex even once a YEAR? Essentially, the multiplex caters to the upper middle class. The movie hall next door, or the DVD/VCD version actually must be catering to a large part of the mass market today, from what I can gather.
Positioning
Family entertainers are few and far between. Intellectuals may not like Sooraj Barjatya for his marriage videos passing as movies style, but they do appeal to a wider audience than many niche movies. 3 idiots, was one such recent film, and that was one reason that it raked in the kind of money it did. Munnabhai series were also in that category. A lot of the older films used to be able to do this, like many Manmohan Desai films, for instance. But of late, fewer filmmakers are able to find the pulse of a family audience.
Niche movies can be of different categories, positioned as crime thrillers, comedies, action films, or new age films. These stand the danger of not having a market, if the desired target segment does not like it. Horror as a genre, for example, has few takers in Indian movie audiences.
(to be continued)
Segmentation
The masses can be segmented various ways. First segmentation is by price. The multiplexes, for all their plus points, score very low on price (are priced too high) for the masses. How many people from this segment can actually afford to take out a family to a multiplex even once a YEAR? Essentially, the multiplex caters to the upper middle class. The movie hall next door, or the DVD/VCD version actually must be catering to a large part of the mass market today, from what I can gather.
Positioning
Family entertainers are few and far between. Intellectuals may not like Sooraj Barjatya for his marriage videos passing as movies style, but they do appeal to a wider audience than many niche movies. 3 idiots, was one such recent film, and that was one reason that it raked in the kind of money it did. Munnabhai series were also in that category. A lot of the older films used to be able to do this, like many Manmohan Desai films, for instance. But of late, fewer filmmakers are able to find the pulse of a family audience.
Niche movies can be of different categories, positioned as crime thrillers, comedies, action films, or new age films. These stand the danger of not having a market, if the desired target segment does not like it. Horror as a genre, for example, has few takers in Indian movie audiences.
(to be continued)
Zulfein
Listening to a CD compilation titled Zulfein. Chhedon na meri zulfein, sab log kya kahengee..hum to deewana tumko kaali ghata kahenge, a fabulous duet, is one of the many in the CD. Some others include the little-heard. Yeh zulf kaisi hai, zanjeer jaisi hai.., Ude jab jab zulfein teri kanwariyon ka dil machle, Yeh reshmi zulfein, yeh sharbati aankhen...and the naughty Main tasveer utaarta hoon...in zulfon ke saaye mein main raate guzaarta hoon...all in all, a nice collection.
Dhadkan, mehek, mulaqaat (chhoti si mulaqaat pyaar ban gayi, ...ya ya yippee yippee ya, ya, ya is a delightful song) and someone told me that Uttam Kumar did a disco in the film on this. The thought is hilarious, akin to Randhir Kapoor's hilarious moments (unintended) on the dance floor in Harjaee for the song (Pehle milan mein hoti hai kashmakash,...etc.)
Tumhari nazar kyon khafaa ho gayi,.. Khataa baksh do, gar khataa ho gayi..is another full of beautiful sounding Urdu words.
Shikayat. Paon choo lene do phoolon ko inaayat hogi, ....humko bhi shikayat hogi makes good use of this word. Shikwa is another synonym of sorts used very well in Aandhi's famous Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi, shikwa nahi...
Ajnabi...tum jaane pehchaane se lagte ho is a classic, particularly the music that follows the first word.
Dhadkan, mehek, mulaqaat (chhoti si mulaqaat pyaar ban gayi, ...ya ya yippee yippee ya, ya, ya is a delightful song) and someone told me that Uttam Kumar did a disco in the film on this. The thought is hilarious, akin to Randhir Kapoor's hilarious moments (unintended) on the dance floor in Harjaee for the song (Pehle milan mein hoti hai kashmakash,...etc.)
Tumhari nazar kyon khafaa ho gayi,.. Khataa baksh do, gar khataa ho gayi..is another full of beautiful sounding Urdu words.
Shikayat. Paon choo lene do phoolon ko inaayat hogi, ....humko bhi shikayat hogi makes good use of this word. Shikwa is another synonym of sorts used very well in Aandhi's famous Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi, shikwa nahi...
Ajnabi...tum jaane pehchaane se lagte ho is a classic, particularly the music that follows the first word.
Urdu words in songs
Just figured out that a lot of lovely-sounding Urdu words used to adorn songs in Hindi movies, because poets were often lyric writers. Trying to list out some of them.
Dilbar- There was a flop movie starring Sushmita, where only the song that goes Dilbar, Dilbar, stays in the mind. Many old movies used this word in the lyrics, such as Dilbar dil se pyaare (from Caravan?)
Arzoo, Tamanna, Razamand (shaadi ke liye razamand kar li, maine ek ladki pasand kar li), Mehbooba, Daaman, Dastan
Mohabbat (yeh jo mohabbat hai, is one of the best), Ibaadat, Taqdeer, Hasrat,
Khwaab (Khwaab ho tum ya koi haqeeqat, kaun ho tum batlao from Teen Deviyan),Haseen,
Afsana (Afsana likh rahi hoon, dil-e-bekaraar ka),
Bekaraar (Bekaraar dil, tu gaaye ja...Khushiyon se bhare ye taraane is one of my favorites)
Situm (Waqt ne kiya kya hasin situm, hum rahe na hum, tum rahe na tum)
Muqaddar (Woh muqaddar ka sikandar, the title song, was the last one I remember using this effectively)
The evergreen song from Dev Anand's Prem Pujari, Shokhiyon mein ghola jaye phoolon ka shabab, usme phir milayi jaye thodi si sharaab, combines a few of these in one line.
Ek hasin nigah ka dil pe saya hai, jadu hai junoon hai kaisi maya hai is also an unusual song from Maya Memsaab, tuned by Hridaynath Mangeshkar, if I remember correctly.
Yaari hai imaan mera yaar meri zindagi, was a cult song that made Pran famous. Intaha ho gayi, intezaar ki, from Sharabi, was very evocatively portrayed on the beautiful Jayaprada.
Dilbar- There was a flop movie starring Sushmita, where only the song that goes Dilbar, Dilbar, stays in the mind. Many old movies used this word in the lyrics, such as Dilbar dil se pyaare (from Caravan?)
Arzoo, Tamanna, Razamand (shaadi ke liye razamand kar li, maine ek ladki pasand kar li), Mehbooba, Daaman, Dastan
Mohabbat (yeh jo mohabbat hai, is one of the best), Ibaadat, Taqdeer, Hasrat,
Khwaab (Khwaab ho tum ya koi haqeeqat, kaun ho tum batlao from Teen Deviyan),Haseen,
Afsana (Afsana likh rahi hoon, dil-e-bekaraar ka),
Bekaraar (Bekaraar dil, tu gaaye ja...Khushiyon se bhare ye taraane is one of my favorites)
Situm (Waqt ne kiya kya hasin situm, hum rahe na hum, tum rahe na tum)
Muqaddar (Woh muqaddar ka sikandar, the title song, was the last one I remember using this effectively)
The evergreen song from Dev Anand's Prem Pujari, Shokhiyon mein ghola jaye phoolon ka shabab, usme phir milayi jaye thodi si sharaab, combines a few of these in one line.
Ek hasin nigah ka dil pe saya hai, jadu hai junoon hai kaisi maya hai is also an unusual song from Maya Memsaab, tuned by Hridaynath Mangeshkar, if I remember correctly.
Yaari hai imaan mera yaar meri zindagi, was a cult song that made Pran famous. Intaha ho gayi, intezaar ki, from Sharabi, was very evocatively portrayed on the beautiful Jayaprada.
Oracle Night
That is the name of the book I read this past weekend. Fiction, for a change, and good one too, by an author I did not know anything about. Paul Auster is his name. It is about an author recovering from a major accident, with a career going nowhere (how many authors can claim it is going somewhere?) who runs into a mysterious Chinaman (a man, not a reverse googly) who sells mysterious Portuguese books at his book store, and starts off on a new novel. At some point, his life becomes entangled in some angst regarding his wife and forthcoming child (very understandable), and an older author friend of his, and his wayward son. Resolving this tangle is not an easy job, but the author has managed it with some deft twists of the plot, and a satisfying end. Might try his other books, as a result.
Also saw the movie Once Upon a Time in Mumbai, and liked two things-Ajay Devgan, and the dialogues. Also the short length, and the abrupt but good end.
Nagpur became a maximum city- maximum rain, leading to an airport closure this weekend too. Something unexpected, at least for me.
Also saw the movie Once Upon a Time in Mumbai, and liked two things-Ajay Devgan, and the dialogues. Also the short length, and the abrupt but good end.
Nagpur became a maximum city- maximum rain, leading to an airport closure this weekend too. Something unexpected, at least for me.
What I Taught the Women in my Life
Foreword: What follows is pure fantasy, and bears no resemblance to what actually happened. But happiness also includes occasional delusions, so what the heck!
I have taught the various women in my life the following things. Just my way of thanking them for everything.
Budgeting
This consisted of the basic course on budgets, and the advanced course on budgets. The basic course on budgets consists of the following sentence- There is a budget for everything. The advanced course consists of one more sentence. If you exceed the budget on item A, that money has to come out of item B. Repeat about 20,000 times..in a year. Most of them understood, and I would say this was effective, on the whole.
Prioritising
This essentially was about a hierarchy of Needs or Ranking by Importance. If something is going to kill you, Importance Rating is 5, on a five point scale. If you will survive without doing something, rating is 1, 2 or 3. Ratings will decide what you will do in a day. Other facts of the matter are – A day has 24 hours in it. After that, you have to postpone things to the next day. Auxiliary learnings are that plumbers, electricians, carpenters, gas repairmen, drivers, belong to an alien species with a mind of their own, and descend into earthly abodes only as an occasional favour to mankind at a time of their own choosing. Men are not accountable for the vagaries of aliens. Nice and easy, and they understood.
Getting Dressed in Time
Here, I led by example, and always got dressed in about 3 minutes, and used the ‘demonstration effect’ to good effect. It worked, instantly.
Limiting the Number of Bags, Shoes, Cosmetics and Sundry Other Possessions
Here I gave examples of what can happen to Imelda Marcos’s of the world. You can actually lose your throne if you have too many shoes, and someone finds out. About cosmetics, I cited the example of a Cosmetics Queen who herself resembles Hidimbaa (a female demon from mythology), and impressed upon them that natural beauty has no parallels in chemically altered faces and lips. This was interspersed with speeches from Gandhiji’s autobiography, and also Ramdev Baba’s diatribe against multinational companies. Worked like a charm, I must say.
The Older Generation.
Note that I am saying ‘older’, because I am aware of the fact that I am young no more. The older generation of women, I have taught not to repeat stories of my childhood (particularly the unflattering ones), stories of their own childhood, and stories of what was the price of a kilo (or is it a quintal?) of rice during their time. They all agreed that after about 400 repeats, it could get a bit tedious.
I have taught the various women in my life the following things. Just my way of thanking them for everything.
Budgeting
This consisted of the basic course on budgets, and the advanced course on budgets. The basic course on budgets consists of the following sentence- There is a budget for everything. The advanced course consists of one more sentence. If you exceed the budget on item A, that money has to come out of item B. Repeat about 20,000 times..in a year. Most of them understood, and I would say this was effective, on the whole.
Prioritising
This essentially was about a hierarchy of Needs or Ranking by Importance. If something is going to kill you, Importance Rating is 5, on a five point scale. If you will survive without doing something, rating is 1, 2 or 3. Ratings will decide what you will do in a day. Other facts of the matter are – A day has 24 hours in it. After that, you have to postpone things to the next day. Auxiliary learnings are that plumbers, electricians, carpenters, gas repairmen, drivers, belong to an alien species with a mind of their own, and descend into earthly abodes only as an occasional favour to mankind at a time of their own choosing. Men are not accountable for the vagaries of aliens. Nice and easy, and they understood.
Getting Dressed in Time
Here, I led by example, and always got dressed in about 3 minutes, and used the ‘demonstration effect’ to good effect. It worked, instantly.
Limiting the Number of Bags, Shoes, Cosmetics and Sundry Other Possessions
Here I gave examples of what can happen to Imelda Marcos’s of the world. You can actually lose your throne if you have too many shoes, and someone finds out. About cosmetics, I cited the example of a Cosmetics Queen who herself resembles Hidimbaa (a female demon from mythology), and impressed upon them that natural beauty has no parallels in chemically altered faces and lips. This was interspersed with speeches from Gandhiji’s autobiography, and also Ramdev Baba’s diatribe against multinational companies. Worked like a charm, I must say.
The Older Generation.
Note that I am saying ‘older’, because I am aware of the fact that I am young no more. The older generation of women, I have taught not to repeat stories of my childhood (particularly the unflattering ones), stories of their own childhood, and stories of what was the price of a kilo (or is it a quintal?) of rice during their time. They all agreed that after about 400 repeats, it could get a bit tedious.
Women in my Life and What I Learnt from them
There have been around five hundred women in my life. In case that sounds like a lot, let me also say there will be many more. You might call it an occupational hazard. I am a professor, and in my profession, there are almost as many women students (and colleagues) as there are men. Professional life is also a large (too large?) part of life, you will agree with me. Therefore, this rough estimate of the women in my life, both personal and professional. One wife and two daughters, and a few relatives seem a blip on the radar when compared to the professional side, but in terms of influence, the dice are loaded on the personal side.
However, this is about my learnings- from both sides. I learnt how to cook from some men friends, though there were tips galore from observing women too. So I can’t really attribute this to the women in my life. Cleanliness, I was taught by some rather strict teachers in boarding school, but I may have picked up some good habits from the constant cleaning and washing happening around me in my formative years, in which men played an insignificant role.
How to dress well, I have not yet learnt, though some women (will not blame anyone in particular) tried their best to teach me this art. What I learnt instead was to save time by putting on whatever clothes were available to qualify as being ‘dressed’ and just getting on with it. IIM Lucknow (not a woman) even gave me a jacket (not me alone, they gave it to all faculty) in the vain hope that I would wear it, but being an anti-colonial, I refrained from doing so, except under extreme provocation, like a really formal occasion.
Packing (not parking, please note) is a skill I did learn from them, as only women are genetically wired to do it properly. Any customer-facing activity can be done with a smile and some grace, is what I also learnt by observing women employees and comparing them to the sods (men) who usually put up such a grumpy countenance that a customer would think the end of the world was near. Even if that were true, you can always go out cheerfully, if you ask me.
Making conversation is an art I am still trying to learn. Observe two women talking (earlier, this had to be physical but now, it could be on the cell phone), and you (if you are a man) will wonder at their capacity to take even the most mundane thing in life and turn it into a subject of great interest. Of course, you don’t want to use this learning in some situations when on the phone with a woman who is telling you what you did wrong. In such cases, silence is golden, for, as the cops keep telling arrested people, what you say may be used against you- in future conversations of a similar nature. But when relevant, this communication skill is very useful, and I certainly learnt a bit of it.
One thing you can learn, if you really want to, is how to develop a photographic memory. Things that you would forget in a jiffy (even if you are not an absent-minded professor), women can remember for indefinite periods tending towards infinity. Patience to deal with men and various other intruders into life, only women can have- thank God for that.
However, this is about my learnings- from both sides. I learnt how to cook from some men friends, though there were tips galore from observing women too. So I can’t really attribute this to the women in my life. Cleanliness, I was taught by some rather strict teachers in boarding school, but I may have picked up some good habits from the constant cleaning and washing happening around me in my formative years, in which men played an insignificant role.
How to dress well, I have not yet learnt, though some women (will not blame anyone in particular) tried their best to teach me this art. What I learnt instead was to save time by putting on whatever clothes were available to qualify as being ‘dressed’ and just getting on with it. IIM Lucknow (not a woman) even gave me a jacket (not me alone, they gave it to all faculty) in the vain hope that I would wear it, but being an anti-colonial, I refrained from doing so, except under extreme provocation, like a really formal occasion.
Packing (not parking, please note) is a skill I did learn from them, as only women are genetically wired to do it properly. Any customer-facing activity can be done with a smile and some grace, is what I also learnt by observing women employees and comparing them to the sods (men) who usually put up such a grumpy countenance that a customer would think the end of the world was near. Even if that were true, you can always go out cheerfully, if you ask me.
Making conversation is an art I am still trying to learn. Observe two women talking (earlier, this had to be physical but now, it could be on the cell phone), and you (if you are a man) will wonder at their capacity to take even the most mundane thing in life and turn it into a subject of great interest. Of course, you don’t want to use this learning in some situations when on the phone with a woman who is telling you what you did wrong. In such cases, silence is golden, for, as the cops keep telling arrested people, what you say may be used against you- in future conversations of a similar nature. But when relevant, this communication skill is very useful, and I certainly learnt a bit of it.
One thing you can learn, if you really want to, is how to develop a photographic memory. Things that you would forget in a jiffy (even if you are not an absent-minded professor), women can remember for indefinite periods tending towards infinity. Patience to deal with men and various other intruders into life, only women can have- thank God for that.
Plots
A recent seventies movie that I saw inspired me into this one. I have tried to generalise the Bollywood and Hollywood movies into Plots of the Decade kind of segments. The plot goes something like this-
70s, Bollywood
Plot no. 1
There is a young man. His name is Vijay. He is brooding, angry. With everyone, except mama. His dad, his brother, his employer, the society, are all in a global conspiracy to get him. He fights all these dark forces single-handedly, and comes out victorious (sometimes) or dead (most times).
Plot no. 2
There are two or three brothers. They are separated at birth or soon thereafter, due to either that bane of family togetherness-the mela- or the bane of all good souls- the villain. They travel different paths, sing romantic duets with various attractive ladies, pass each other several times, but unite and recognise each other only two and a half hours (screen time) later.
70s, Hollywood
Plot no.1
There is a hero. He is not called Vijay. He uses a gun (rather than his fist), and has no mother- at least, not identifiable to the watching public. But he is going through angst of his own. Reason? He has a wife. He may have several, but he usually has only one at a time. He never dies, and usually is more productive than his Bollywood counterpart. Meaning, he kills the villain in one and a half hours. His life is boring, as he sings no songs. Neither is he environmentally conscious, as he does not run around trees.
Plot no.2
The hero is an expert. In a blazing inferno, or an overturned ship, or in a German army camp, he is the only one who knows what to do. He single-handedly saves all the people who need to be saved, usually heroine included, and lets those die who need to die, including the villain.
70s, Bollywood
Plot no. 1
There is a young man. His name is Vijay. He is brooding, angry. With everyone, except mama. His dad, his brother, his employer, the society, are all in a global conspiracy to get him. He fights all these dark forces single-handedly, and comes out victorious (sometimes) or dead (most times).
Plot no. 2
There are two or three brothers. They are separated at birth or soon thereafter, due to either that bane of family togetherness-the mela- or the bane of all good souls- the villain. They travel different paths, sing romantic duets with various attractive ladies, pass each other several times, but unite and recognise each other only two and a half hours (screen time) later.
70s, Hollywood
Plot no.1
There is a hero. He is not called Vijay. He uses a gun (rather than his fist), and has no mother- at least, not identifiable to the watching public. But he is going through angst of his own. Reason? He has a wife. He may have several, but he usually has only one at a time. He never dies, and usually is more productive than his Bollywood counterpart. Meaning, he kills the villain in one and a half hours. His life is boring, as he sings no songs. Neither is he environmentally conscious, as he does not run around trees.
Plot no.2
The hero is an expert. In a blazing inferno, or an overturned ship, or in a German army camp, he is the only one who knows what to do. He single-handedly saves all the people who need to be saved, usually heroine included, and lets those die who need to die, including the villain.
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