Newspaper Pages

If I were to classify the news that mostly appears these days, I could classify it as follows. Dedicated pages would look like this-

Page 1: Age of the Army Chief, Navy Chief, Air Force Chief and all their subordinates. Their stories, along with the living midwives' interviews.

Page 2: Who the U.S. will attack next: Take your pick, from daily exclusives on North Korea, Iraq (sorry, that's done), Syria, Iran, ....Pakistan (a new addition), Afghanistan (they don't have time to spell the full thing, so it could be Af-Pak). The motive for the attacks is obvious. If we (the U.S.) have to be miserable, we bloody well won't be alone! Read my lips- either you are with us, or you are...Screwed! Never mind that the real weapons of mass destruction are all on Wall Street.

Page 3: The usual party animals, ranging from Lady Gaga, to Gents Gaga over Oprah Winfrey and Lady Gaga.

Page 4: Political who's who and who's not in the who's who..same list, keep rotating the names.

Page 5: Business Leaders- a day in the life of a Business Leader, written by a fawning reporter.

Page 6: Economic news. I have a question here. Why do they call something 'Basis points' when there is a simpler word- percentage- available for use?

Page 7: Investment advice. Other than your Savings bank accounts (in a nationalised bank) and your Provident Fund,these are mostly castles in the air, a mythical animal like the Phoenix, and are designed to make the brokers rich. Or the jeweller, if you buy gold.

Page 8: Here we run out of ideas, and put anything that we couldn't put elsewhere. A hotch-potch of all kinds of no-news.

Page 9: Sports. Here we discuss the retirement plans of all cricket players over 25- we have been at it for about 15 years now, and going strong still. You can also throw in (retirement plans of) coaches, selectors and so on, to add spice. But other games are strictly a no-no.

Page 10: Here, in case you haven't laughed out loud yet, we have some comics.