In Defence of Hindi films

Note: This is, in the tradition of TV hit serials, a re-run. But fresh as ever. Only a couple of words have been edited, to whet the imagination.

In Defence of Hindi Films

Some idiot was saying the other day that Hindi films should be banned. What would a person with three hours to spend do without Hindi flims? The decline in quality of movies is directly linked to increase in violence in society (Maoists are a great example). To extend the logic, would Telangana agitators be on the streets in the hot sun, if Telugu movies had succeeded in keeping them in an airconditioned hall? It could also be because Manoj Kumar has not made any movies lately, that all these separatist tendencies are burgeoning.
Where would all the “maa”s be without the immortal Salim-Javed tribute to them in Deewaar- ‘Mere Paas Maa Hai’ ? Where else could one fantasize about beautiful girls/handsome men (with adequate makeup on, of course)? Where could one escape from reality of sugar- wheat-rice shortages and rationing (60s India), goal-lessness (70s), and corruption (80s and beyond), and again food inflation and consumerist angst (present)?

Imagine as a student, that there were no morning shows to go to. That would mean attending every class in college. What unimaginable agony! Plus all the barbers/hair-stylists and beauty salons would go out of business, if we did not have Katrina cuts, or Bipasha tresses to imitate. Not to mention the fashion industry, the cosmetic industry, and many others. In other words, the nation’s future would be bleak, and Vision 2020 would remain a pipe dream. And Mallika Sherawat may have become a nun.

Urdu would have been long dead but for the Hindi film lyricists. In spite of them, it is barely alive. Imagine Dharmendra tilling the fields, Dev Anand in the army (where he once wanted to be), and Amitabh selling soap! Or even worse, Hema Mailini as a dance teacher, Sridevi as a nurse and Madhubala as a school teacher. What a national waste that would have been. Though I must say, if Katrina retired, spoken Hindi would improve instantly. And Ajit growing grapes on his farm, with Mehmood as his neighbor. What would happen to Michael, Mona and Samba, without their bosses? They would surely be orphaned.

But maybe, the matrimonial industry would have boomed. If you couldn’t take a girl out to a movie, very few avenues (like temple visits, ughhh) would remain to check her out, and the only recourse left would be to go to the matrimonial sites- assuming of course, you wanted to marry.

People who do not talk about cricket would also have nothing to talk about- think back on the hours and days spent discussing the finer aspects of blockbusters like Sholay, Hum Kisise Kum Nahin, Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi, and many others? That would be a calamity for the nation, but may be the mobile phone would have been invented a lot earlier. Maybe in India.
Most mind-boggling of all, what would all the Kapoors have done? Maybe run a truck company?