Prof Ramaswamy- In Memorium

This week, we lost our former director (IIM B) Prof. 'Bullock-cart Ramaswamy', so known due to his interest in developing a better cart for India, He was in his late eighties. I am reproducing here a series about an English Lord inspired by Prof N.S. Ramaswamy, as a tribute. I shared a stage with him at a talk a few years ago. He was warm and spoke very well.

Lord Rocheskatchewn at IIM B

Episode 1

Lord Rocheskatchewn (pronounced Rooska-toon), 21^st Earl of Rocheskatchewn, was contemplating. He was sitting in the private study of his summer villa in Dorchester and he had just heard of an intriguing sort of contraption. He had heard about a bullock cart being launched into space by the IIM Bangalore, in India. This made him extremely curious, and he decided to pay IIMB a visit- to see for himself; he was a firm believer in the old adage ‘Seeing is believing’.

Without further delay, he translated his plan into action and here he was, viewing the cold grey stone with a curious eye. He was feeling particularly good after a relaxing siesta which had cured him of the travails of air travel. He looked forward to the tour of knowledge and discovery upon which he was about to embark. Accompanying him was Gurumurthy, a student of IIMB. They were getting acquainted.

“ What is the duration of your study here?” his Lordship enquired of Guru.

“ Two years” , he replied.

“What is the nature of subjects in which you must earn proficiency?”

“Oh, in the first year we have core courses in all fields of management, including communication. Then in the second year, we have to do eighteen credits in each term. For the guys in Sectors, it’s damn tough. For the General PGP guys, it’s a cool scene. They can take what they like. But the Sectoral guys are also smart. They audit courses which they can’t credit. And though they don’t get credit if they do well, they don’t get discredit if they flunk. It’s a cool scene!”

“Is it the ambient temperature that you are referring to? His Lordship was puzzled.

“Huh?”

“Actually, I was not feeling at ease with the weather. It is on the warmer side, I thought. But if you think it’s cool….”

“Oh, that’s what you thought I said. No, no, I was only saying that it’s a cool scene for the auditors- I mean for the guys who don’t credit the course-what I mean is, people who are not doing the course, but are actually doing the course…well, I don’t know how to put it. But I wasn’t talking about the day temperature, at any rate.”

“Oh, I see, I see, “ muttered the 21^st Earl of Rocheskatchewn. But he didn’t see much in the explanation as to why a hot day was called cool. And he was still confused about the creditor’s audit or audited credits or whatever it was that the young man had talked of.

Episode 2: The Lord Explores Further

We’d left the 21^st Earl of Rocheskatchewn (Rooskatoon) with Gurumurthy, his student guide. Gurumurthy was the sort of chap who liked to take the initiative. He took it now, and said, “ I think…well, it would be good…I mean, we should take a look at the hostel blocks first.”

“Certainly, certainly”, the Lord was enthusiastic.  So both of them undertook a tour of the periphery of the hostel buildings. It was a perilous journey, with ups, downs and potholes occurring frequently-sometimes individually and sometimes jointly.

They had now reached the rear side, where they spotted a small group of student ts engaged in a game of tennis ball cricket. Pointing to them, Guru explained to his guest,

“Here you’ll see the integration of two stochastically different but conceptually similar games culminating in simple synergy for a definite enhancement of the probability of derived pleasure.”

“You mean the good points of both tennis and cricket are employed to make the game more pleasurable?” queried the Lord, a trifle confused.

“Yeah”, Guru said.

Lord Rocheskatchewn failed to comprehend why his host talked as if he’d just recovered from the effects of a knock on the head; or maybe a bull-fight. He had no way of knowing that Gurumurthy was a quanti-oriented man.

Thus, the Lord was somewhat distracted and inattentive when Guru said, pointing to a vacant space,

“There, that’s where our Golf course will be.”

“Will it be a Core course or an Optional Course?” said the Lord absent-mindedly.

“Hey, what was that?” Guru felt offended that Lord Rocheskatchewn should receive his serious attempts at conversation in so flippant a manner. He had been born on a Diwali night, and hence happened to be a sensitive soul.

“I’ll ditch, if you want me to”, Guru said.

“Ah, gardening, an admirable pastime. Good for the body and soul. But don’t you suppose it’s slightly warm for that kind of exercise at the moment? I mean, digging of ditches could be done at a less taxing hour, certainly?

The Lord was glad to get a chance (he thought) to speak on a new subject of conversation. But Guru reacted sharply.

“Whatever gave you the idea that…oh, that talk about ditching..That only meant I’ll leave, if you don’t want me to stick around. I thought maybe you were tired.”

“You are certain you do not want to dig?” asked the Lord, cautiously.

“100% sure. Actually, it’s the last thing on my mind”- Guru was emphatic.

“Then, how about a cup of tea?” suggested the eldest son of Reginald Rocheskatchewn, 20^th Earl of Rocheskatchewn.

“O.K.”

Episode 3: And Now For Some Tea

Guru and Lord Rocheskatchewn entered THE MESS. The Lord being unaccustomed to the concept of a ‘cue’ (he’d never been interested in dramatics, seated himself while Guru procured two glasses of the refresher (tea).

Just as the Lord was about to sip his tea, a fly whizzed past his nose at 20 kmph. The Lord started.

“I’m sorry, these flies are two much. Hajaar flies here”, Guru was apologetic.

“Is the Hajaar fly as bad as the Tsetse fly found in the Congo?” Lord Rocheskatchewn enquired.

Guru gave him a blank look. Then he understood.

“Oh, no. Hajaar is not a species of the Fly. It only means ‘one thousand’- thousands of flies here, is what I meant.”

“Oh, but why don’t you spray fly poison? Surely that would take care of the flies?” asked the Lord.

“No, they are bred with a specific purpose. One of us can do a Social Involvement Project (SIP) which investigates the difficulties we face due to the flies. Another one of us can do his SIP on the difficulties faced by the flies because of undernourishment and population explosion. You see, they serve a purpose. Actually, we don’t do anything unless it is socially relevant. We were kicked out of our own buses-we didn’t do a thing. We are subjected to some third rate courses, but we don’t raise a finger. Only because it’s all so socially irrelevant. Even when a colleague was unjustly expelled, we reacted only when the welfare of society came in. So you see, it’s a long story.”

“How do you spend your evenings?” the embarrassed Lord changed the topic. He did not want to rouse Guru any more by touching a raw nerve.

It worked. Guru was calm in replying,  “Oh, we attend classes. Our institute places great faith in our absorption capacity in the evenings. Once in a couple of months, when we are free in the evenings, we play Baddy…or Volley, sometimes.”

“ In my time, Cricket and Badminton were very popular. It seems as if new games have taken over.”

“No, no, we still play Badminton. Only, we call it Baddy” explained Guru.

“Ah, I see what you mean,” said Lord Rocheskatchewn, gratified to find his favourite sport still in much demand.

Episode 4: Charity Begins at Home

The Lord was taking a walk with Gurumurthy around the institute. The 21^st Earl of Rocheskatchewn made an observation.

“I notice”, he said, “there are no chairs anywhere other than in your rooms. You have so many places in every block where you could relax, so why not have chairs?”

“They don’t believe in cha(i)rity,”, said Guru, absently.

“Huh?”

“I was saying”, Guru covered up hastily, “that they are afraid of someone stealing them.”

“But ..I don’t understand. You have so many security guards in this place.”

“Yes, but even their jobs are insecure. They can be fired at any time. Whose security will they look after?”

 The Lord did not reply.

After looking around for a longish amount of time, Guru found a couple of chairs and they seated themselves. Suddenly, the Lord leaned towards Guru and whispered, “ Can I ask you something important?”

“Sure.”

“Where is the secret work on the bullock cart project going on?”

“Right there, at the entrance. But what makes you think it’s secret?”

“Why, I read an article in an Indian journal saying it was a top secret development. That the bullock cart was being equipped to carry spying equipment. They were to use these on the Pakistan-India border for military purposes.” “In fact,” he confided, “that’s what brought me here.”

Guru was aghast, and stared at the Earl for a full minute.

“Bull”, he said.

“Yes, yes, there was something about the bullock carrying secret weapons in the harness.”

“No, no. I mean the story is all bull. ..absolute crap. There’s no truth in it.”

“No truth? In a published article?” the Lord was surprised.

“Oh, that must be one of the Profs. up to some mischief. They have to publish something to keep themselves in circulation; to impress people to come for their Management Development Programmes, you see. That’s why one of them must have done this. So that it can be cited as a published paper. Don’t give it another thought.” said Guru, and the Lord was left with a bewilderment of a kind he’d never felt before.