Jobs for Hollywood Celebs

If the unthinkable happens, and all the Hollywood actors (of either sex) are jobless due to recession there, Bollywood can step in (as IPL has for cricketers of the erstwhile first world) and find them some employment. The Khans and (remaining) Kapoors and (never-in-it) Bachchans will then have competition that is global. Here is a preview of the films that will get made.

1. Heeron Ka Saudagar. Remake of Diamonds are Forever. This will star Al Pacino as a member of the Italian (Sicilian?) mafia smuggling diamonds using tennis racquets, a la Johny Mera Naam, busted by the debonair Indian hero Salman dabangg Khan. The glam quotient will be provided by Sunny Leone who is now an established Bollywood actress.

2. Jolly LLB ( the recent courtroom comedy) will be remade with a female leading lady,  Angelina Jolie, speaking Bambaiya Hindi. The role of the opposing lawyer will be played by Danny DeVito.

3. Buddha Hoga Tera Baap will be a multi-starrer, starring all the Hollywood guys still alive and over 65, such as Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson, Arnold Shwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood etc...add another half a dozen, ... you get the plot.

4. Hum Aapke Hain Kaun will be remade with Meryl Streep playing Maddy Dixit's role. Salman will be replaced by Tom Hanks.

5. Amar Akbar Anthony will now star Morgan Freeman as Amitabh, Tom Cruise as Vinod Khanna, and Richard Gere (with a lot of black hair dye) as Akbar Ilahabadi. Their lady loves would be Halle Berry, Catherine Zeta Jones, and of course, Pretty Woman Julia Roberts (with whatever-coloured hair dye).

All actresses will necessarily have to learn classical dance forms such as Kathak and Bharatanatyam, and learn to love trees, as there will be a lot of running around them while singing the duets with the hero. The heroes will receive a crash course in mouthing long dialogues written by fight composers instead of dialogue writers, as in Singham, Dabangg, and many other 1-billion-rupee club films. Shwarzenegger and Stallone will need to work HARD!