Not Letting Go and Other Viruses

Most of these are Hindi viruses.

Shaadi Jamaao virus- Aunties are more prone to getting infected, but sometimes Uncles too..Parents are permanently sick with this from the time their kids turn marriageable.

Not Letting Go Virus-strikes founders or promoters of companies, anyone close to retirement, parents of young adults,...with more regularity than Chikungunya.

Apna Kaam Chhod ke..virus. At the workplace, this aflliction is semi-permanent. Those in govt. jobs have a more lethal strain attacking them..it is combined with Permanent Tea-break virus.

Chalta Hai virus. We are a jugaadu nation and want to fix everything so it does not work for long. Helps generate employment to do the same things over and over..

Tumko Maloom Hai Main Kaun Hoon? virus. Though widely prevalent on Delhi roads, has been known to have lesser impact elsewhere, when caught by traffic police in particular.

American Desi Names

Most people in the US can't (or think they can't) pronounce Indian names. Anyway, whether that's true or not, names of Indians in the US get modified (no, this is not a political statement, even if it contains the word 'Modi' hidden somewhere).

So the names of people change, usually to a short and easier-on-the-tongue version. I used to teach at the Clemson University as a grad student, and my name Rajendra was shortened to Raj, which was similar to Rog (for Roger) and therefore easy to say. A friend in California, Kiran, shortened his to Ken, which proved useful to him in business- he was into real estate broking. He also converted his last name from Kenjale to Jolly, which I think is a stroke of genius.

In academics, we now have several Indians at US universities, who have adopted a different strategy. They use a name twice, one in a shortened form and another in the original. So you have a Nat Natarajan, or a Das Narayan Das (who is a friend, incidentally, a prof at Harvard), or Rajan Varadarajan (not sure if his is of this form, because Rajan could be a name too). I think this is an interesting way to do it, from a marketing point of view. Remember, there is an adage in advertising that the more you repeat your (product) name, the better it is for people to remember. So it is with people's names.

So I henceforth will rename myself as Kar Nargundkar. By the way, that does not rhyme with Car.

Shudh Desi Script

I am inspired by the title of a recent Bollywood film called Shudh Desi Romance. I thought about the lack of original scripts and decided to come up with a decidedly pure Hindi film script. This can be used by any wannabe director who can't afford a regular scriptwriter.

Boy (loosely used - could be from 20 to 45 years old) meets girl (age is unmentionable).

Sings a dard-bhara love song. If you don't know what that is, stop aspiring to be a Hindi film director and drive a truck.

Girl falls for the hero, and then they both sing a song prancing around gardens of Switzerland, USA or any of the tourist wonderlands.

Enter a villain. Centuries ago, this used to be a very tame rapist or jaaydaad grabber like Prem Chopra, or Ranjeet. Now, it is a guy who aspires to be a world-conquering ganglord, like a Bond villain. But the old world ones had priceless dialogue like "Ise liquid oxygen mein daal do. Oxygen ise marne nahin dega aur liquid ise jeene nahin dega."

Through skills like dance, karate, singing more dard-bhare songs, and setting the U.S. on them (after Syria of course) through diplomacy, jumping over roofs in a rapid sequence (a la Salman the tiger), etc., the hero destroys the villain and his ambitions to rule the world.

Add a kiss (we began to kiss in the 1990s, you know) and an item song (heroine can double up here if budgets are limited), and you have a perfect recipe for a shudh desi romance/action/drama.
And if you don't have the budget for a regular music composer, go for Bappi Lahiri. Ooh, la, la, ooh, lala..