The Art of Getting Offended

Of all the skills needed to survive today (2020), the one of paramount importance is knowing how to get offended. You don't always have to lead a riot, though that can grab headlines in national media for a few hours to a few days. But you must do it right, and therefore, there is a market for Skill-building courses involving this skill. Entrepreneurship, e-commerce and food delivery are passe.

There is no need to impress upon you why this skill is important. If you don't get offended these days, you are a nobody. You may think you are something great like a Social Media Influencer with thousands of followers, but if you don't get offended regularly, you will lose all those followers. The only other way to get loyal followers is to get into scandals regularly. But getting offended is easier. Let me explain.

You can get offended by almost anything. That's a huge advantage. If the name of a new film is not to your liking, you can get offended. If the film shows your profession in a bad light (even if fictionally), you can still get offended. If the director does not apologise for the imaginary slights, you can get offended. Even if he does, you can get offended by his insincerity in apologising. You get the point?

If someone tells a joke involving gender, ethnicity, nationality, eating habits, accent, what-have-you, you can get offended. Humorists and cartoonists (the ones that are out of jail) will have a tough time because of you too- an added plus for getting offended.

If you are offended by this blog post, it would have served a purpose-of educating you as to the importance of the whole thing.

Right to Recall

Anna Hazare had brought up this idea of a voter recalling an MLA or MP for non-performance. I think the concept is universally useful, not just in voting and politics. It is in fact, transcendental, because if God has this right and decides to use it, life could be so much smoother for the khuda ke bandey who remain on earth!

Remember, it is already practiced widely. Toyota has joined the list of car companies - used to be the Americans earlier- that recalls vehicles for some defect or the other, size of defect could be nano or mega. Publishers can withdraw books because a certain segment of humanity feels offended by it-even the non-reading kind, at times. It is easy to be offended, these days.

So, to get to the point, why not expand the scope of this RIGHT? We can have parents who are disgruntled recalling their children. Not from the playing ground to their homes, but permanently. They can then attempt to correct their mistake by having new children. Imagine how tough it gets for God, with 7 billion of us, to monitor quality?

I should have the right to recall any offensive words I have spoken to people and hurt them- I am talking of genuine hurt here, not the waiting-to-be-offended kind referred to earlier. This might make India and Pakistan friends, and Malik could become a messiah of peace and intelligence.

There should also be a right to recall bullets fired from a gun, which would make the National Rifle Association toothless, and save the lives of six-year-olds who have to die every time a lunatic (why was he not recalled?) goes trigger-happy. In this case, the victim should have the right to recall the bullets.

The possibilities are endless...