Why Speeches and Presentations Are Boring

 The explanation lies in Marketing Theory-believe it or not!

Who are you speaking to? The audience, for the duration of your presentation, are to be treated like customers. 

Who are they? What is their motivation? What is their level of interest in the subject of your presentation/talk/speech? These are critical questions, not the great wisdom that you are about to spout.

I had once thought that Communication classes- a course in IIM Bangalore during my MBA- were useless, but now find that many speakers are in dire need of training in basics of communication. 

I cannot summarise all my learnings, but in general, it helps if you can-

Speak the language that the audience understands

1. Use examples, anecdotes
2. Use some appropriate humour
3. Be Enthusiastic, if not passionate
4. Ask questions-even if rhetorical, they break the monotony
5. Wrap up well, keep your key points up front or in the middle.

This includes academic presentations at conferences, but not just those..

Giving a Speech is Not an Achievement

 Politicians give speeches all the time. CEOs, sometimes. Guests at Convocations or events, all the time.

Just giving a speech is not an achievement, in my view. If you have actually achieved something significant, in career, life it's fine. If not, you are simple fooling people. Just a motivating speech is only a way with words. It may sound good for a minute, good to listen to, but might not have a lasting impact.

Why are people fond of listening to speeches? I have no idea, but I try to speak as little as possible. From experience, I know it is painful to listen to human drones in full form- have done enough of listening. 

Why am I in this mood? An independence day is coming up, and what happens on that day? You are right, speeches do..

Speeches

 I was at an event full of speeches recently. And it struck me forcefully, yet again, that Indian speakers, with some exceptions, don't know how to construct a speech for a given audience. Professors are no exception. I have seen many drone on through their allotted time and beyond, when audiences have lost interest, at conferences galore.

Maybe this is a subject for communication experts to explain to such speakers/wannabe speakers, but here is my two bits- I'll keep it short, thank you.

Know your audience, and what makes them tick. Or at least, might interest them.

Have a loose structure, at least. A PPT (Power point), for all the criticism it gets, does force you to write down a structured presentation. You can always deviate a bit from a structure, but it gives you a frame. And an approximate timer.

Keep it short. Use some visuals if you have a presentation.

Use anecdotes if appropriate, and personal experiences. Shows you have been there, done that.

Humour also can make it easy on the audience, if used intelligently.

That's it..as promised.

Speeches- A Non-serious Look

 Speeches have many uses. As we faculty know very well, they are used most often to put unsuspecting or disinterested students to sleep. The others have to make heroic efforts to stay awake, and do.

Politicians tell us what they intend doing through election speeches. If they suffer from short-term memory loss shortly after elections, they need our sympathy, and treatment for it. At our expense.

Visiting dignitaries make speeches that sound good, are reported on by the press and P.R. agencies that provide them to the press.. where would we (and they) be, if no one visited anyone? We pay these countries (and their Press) back in kind, when we visit their countries. 

In a war-economic or military- both sides give speeches. One of the most impressive is actually by Charlie Chaplin talking gibberish while playing The Great Dictator- Hitler, who else?

If you are still interested, I can give a speech.. wait, why are you running away?

My Election Manifesto

I am not a political party, just a common voter. My election manifesto (resemblances to other manifestos is coincidental. No politicians were harmed during the writing of this) if I were one,
would read-

1. No speeches..what a relief!
2. If elected (a remote chance, but you never know- Deve Gowda became Prime Minister once),

• Free education and healthcare. Everything else, you do on your own steam
• Where will the money come from? From taxing the people who have excess money and don't know what to do with it, for the first few years..after that, maybe other sources. Simple maths will tell you that you can save around 50,000 crores by removing wastage of various kinds..enough to start with.
• No personal income tax..(resemblance to other manifestos is coincidental!)...instead, any other scheme which taxes consumption, but at a reasonable rate).
• Free Swiss citizenship for all who have Swiss bank account- and a one-way ticket. Same for other tax havens.

More promises only after these have been implemented.

No Debate About This

...at least in my mind. TV debates by Presidential (or any other) candidates are so predictable and boring. They talk of the economy, statistics, housing starts, and budget deficits.

I am all for our brand of unrestrained potshots at everyone and everything-far more interesting.

Speeches are more fun..and when people rally to them voluntarily (!) you know that they are captivated by the stuff they get to hear, such as how the opposing party has ruined the country, and given a chance, will ruin it further.

How they have stashed money in Swiss banks, and given us a raw deal. How they are born from a long line of criminals, unlike our own party (applies to anyone who's the speaker) which is pure as driven snow (Snow White was from OUR khandan).

How we will make Mumbai a Shanghai, and you shall not be Shanghaied in the process. One great personality had promised to make Bihar's road as smooth as the cheeks of Hema Malini, the Dream Girl of Bollywood- I kid you not!

Where will all the GDP numbers and debates lead you, I ask, when you have the Happiness Index soaring after listening to such entertaining stuff?

No doubt, you will not want to debate this any further.

Independence - My Wishlist

As an individual, I wish for independence from

1. LPG gas cylinders- can't we provide piped gas after so many years? Option 2, just provide cylinders everywhere for anyone who wants to buy one. Like Coca Cola.

2. KYC norms meant to harass all honest citizens.

3. Trash on TV. Shoot guys who make bad programs, maybe? Not seriously, but shut them up, at least.

4. SMS salestalk. It's crazy.

5. Email salestalk. Crazier.

6. Phone calls from strangers. I don't answer them, so it's not so serious, but still..

7. Mosquitoes. Can we have a repellant that works?

8. Parliament. They can work on email.

9. Visas. They are very irritating.

10. Independence day speeches.

Many are doable.

Saving Newsprint- Shortest Essays

Indians generally use 100 words where two would suffice. If England was a nation of shop-keepers, we are one of speech-makers. But in order to save the listeners, and trees when this verbal barrage appears in print, I have come up with a brilliant solution. The two-line essay/speech. R.I.P, TV debates, Arnab etc..

Examples

1. Should India adopt the Western model of blah, blah,..(put here any suitable word for a good thing they do)?

Yes.

2. Should we let China go on taking evening constitutionals in Ladakh?

No.

3. Should there be Food Security?

Yes.

4. A Bill for Food Security?

As long as someone is ready to pay (the bill).

5. Should we allow pizza places/dance bars/Wal-Mart/Pubs/Poonam Pandey/?

Depends

6. Should we have a spitting Tax?

YES.