Race 4 - A Script

 There was this horrible Hindi film called Race 3 a couple of years ago. So, being the creative mind that I always was (patting myself on the back is congenital and incurable), I sat down to think about a script for their next- Race 4. If you can't beat them, join them was my watchword. And, I succeeded. So here it is. I am selling it to the highest bidder.

Race-4

There are 4 teams in the race announced by the Intergalactic Vehicles Association based on Asteroid no. 420. The four are- Branson with a virgin (craft), Jeff Bezos with a new girlfriend, Elon Musk with a pet, and Salman Bhai with Katrina Kaif (or Jacqueline, based on who wins THAT race- to speak Hindi properly).

They start from the Sahara desert, because there's no parking available in Nevada anymore. All of them have a crew of two to four, in case they get lost, and have to be steered back to Earth. Whoever finds the headquarters of the Godforsaken Planets Association (GPA) on Pluto wins. 

They all blast off at the scheduled hour, when an Olympics gun borrowed from Tokyo is fired. Katrina (or Jacqueline) looks at Bhai and says, "Yeh kya ho raha hai?" like Dhritarashtra did in Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro when mayhem took place in his court. Bhai explains the rules of the game to her and says, "Don't worry, Bro, hum hi jeetenge." (the dialogue writer from Race 3 was borrowed here). 

The vehicles run by the competitors all have the latest solid fuel technology, and take an intial lead. But they are no match for the Hindi film heroes that take inspiration from writers that gave them so many flights of fancy over the years. So, there is a happy ending (not that kind, the filmy one), and Bhai's craft (with Jacqueline, or Katrina) sails into the GPA HQ and lands gingerly, waving the Tiranga. The crew sings to the losers, who appear after a few minutes- "Tum besahara ho to, kisi ka Sahara bano,." -signifying THE END.

There are a few twists and turns along the way that I cannot reveal, because this script is for sale. Interested? Bids close tomorrow.

Returns and Ink on Your Face

All the current events have me in a tizzy.

In this era of ball point pens, where do you find ink to blacken faces with? Is it a ploy of the ink manufacturers to increase their sales?

With respect for authors returning their hard-won awards, you can only return it once. Where does that leave you once the next earth-shaking event happens?

Putin bombs the hell out of some terrorists who have been ruling some parts of the world. Is he trying to showcase what hell looks like?

Is the Bihar election worth winning? I mean, can anyone actually govern it even if he wins?

Where are Radhe Maa, Indrani, and all other attention grabbers of last week? Can we bring them back?

Will he, won't he? This is not about Salman Khan's marriage. But about Dhoni resigning from the team, and becoming a commentator.

Punjab Da Puttar

Continuing my serial encounters with regional heavyweights.

I met a hatta-katta Punjabi the other day. I asked him where he was going.

“Kanaada,” was the reply.

“Why do you guys like Canada so much?” was my innocent question.

“Bekaas Trronto is a great place, yaar” he said.

“But why?” I persisted.

“It’s a ‘player’ to stay there. Good climate, nice people, clean surroundings. Not like Delhi.”

“But if everyone goes to Canada, won’t it become like Delhi?” I was inquisitive, and persistent.

“Oye, main parathe wali dukaan thode hi kholoonga udhar (do you think I’ll open a paratha shop there?)”

“Nahin, nahin, paaji, my matlab was not like that,” I apologized. “I just wanted to know ki why you all don’t want to live in our country.”

“Simpal, yaar. We are still thinking like the British. Commonwealth country with only a few wealthy people. We have mobiles, but nothing to eat. Aston Martin is used to reduce the population, only. Election=inflation is a mathematical reality. We are losing our ‘chracter’ and the aam aadmi (common man) can’t afford an aam (mango).”

I said, “Paaji, you are right. But we have some national treasures like the three Khans, The Big Boss among them, and Kapil Sharma. How can you compare Canada with us?”

He said, “Trronto chal tujhe dikhaata hoon”  (Come to Toronto, I’ll show you). On that note, we parted amicably.