Matrimonially Humourous

Matrimonial Ads from 'Professionals'-

 BANKER: 

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service. 

CAR MECHANIC: 

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. 

Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. 

DOCTOR: 

Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. 

I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it Anasin, Metasin or Crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. 

Apply or reply. 

DRUNKARD: 

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. 

I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. 

Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. 

Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample. 

LAWYER: 

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. 

The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. 

The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. 

Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence. 

SOFTWARE ENGINEER: 

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities). 

There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. 

She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, should be USER FRIENDLY. 

We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer   

Weird Messages Dot Com

The old junk (snail) mail has got a sexier alternative delivered straight to your inbox or as a pop-up...half-baked or well done, not as per orders though. This is called a weird message. One that I recurrently get on my screen is 'TrueSuite has crashed'. Now I am not even aware what TrueSuite is. Is it a suit I used to wear? Not likely, because I don't wear suits...like a true blue desi. Also if I wore one, it may or may not be a True Suite as in an 'honest shirt' yaane ki Peter England!

Of course, apart from the usual entertaining solicits that urge you to enlarge certain body parts, I get head-hunting calls from complete strangers asking me to apply for programming jobs in TCS or wherever. Now, I call that idiotic programming..but then, who said there were only 3 idiots in the world?

Other interesting things I get are matrimonial ads in my mailbox, enticing me to look at Bharatmatrimony.com or some such. Sometimes I do, and find amusing stuff on the sites. On a related note, I asked one of our alumni who works for an international cosmetic company, whether they sell fairness creams..and turned out it is big business in India for all of them. Expected, when you see some of those ads..virtue is somehow equated with the colour of your skin, and therefore the whites have nothing to fear..we'll still treat them royally no matter what.