Monarchy in Modern Times

This is triggered by the visit of William and Kate (just found that it is short for Kathryn, many years after that lesson called Late Kate in school). Why is it that we (England in this case) persist with Kings and Queens in a democracy?

The urge to have a Messiah, a figure that is larger-than-life, perhaps? But God already serves that purpose for most of us in most faiths. So why is it that we need a King/Queen?

Not that I would mind being a  King. I feel qualified too, because my name at home is an exact translation of the word. And who wouldn't want a bit of extra-constitutional authority and a limitless expense account? Or to be waited upon by the likes of Tendulkar and Vengsarkar (at the Mumbai Oval maidan yesterday), or maybe Aishwarya Rai (yet to happen in this case)?

There's more. I could probably send little notes to the Head of the Nation (the one who people elected) on what I think he should be doing in various spheres that I knew nothing about. Not to mention the numerous meaningless inaugurations and speeches I could try my hand at, when I was not attending Grand Balls, receptions or just good old parties, and having a good time. Who wants an account in Panama when you can have it all right where you are?

Long Live the Queens, and Kings.

Pune Warriors

This is not about the short-lived IPL team supported by the ill-fated Sahara group whose chairman is going through bad times. This is about the everyday wars being fought by the Punekars on its roads, and so on.

Historically a culturally rich, progressive city, it retains (many) shades of it even today. But on one count, it falls short of expectations (to be fair, all Indian cities fall short here)- traffic and its management. Public transport needs huge improvement, because people seem to believe today (rightly) that a two-wheeler of your own is a must, if you want to get around and reach anywhere. Someone said that a city's public transport system is a mark of how civilised it is. I am beginning to agree.

Autorickshaws are expensive for daily commutes of any lengths. Parking is non-existent in most parts of town. A metro should have been built about 8-10 years ago, and there is no sign of it yet.

There are a lot of pluses in Pune, but lots of civic facilities seem on the verge of a breakdown. Urgent repairs needed, and mostly within municipal limits- pun intended. Let's hope Pune is not "Bangalored" in its road conditions.

Modern Sholay

No, it's not about Jay and Veeru, the heroes. Nor Basanti, the heroine, or Dhanno, her steed. Not even Asrani, the angezon ke zamaane ka jailor, or Soorma Bhopali, fond of spinning yarns. I am curious about the simple villager in the 1975 epic, who keeps asking mind-bending questions during Veeru's 'attempted suicide' scene. Apparently simplistic, but full of depth, in my view. Yeh Suicide kya hota hai, is one question (What is suicide?). Yeh Goodbye kya hota hai? (What is a goodbye?) is another gem. What would he say in 2012?

1. Yeh depression kya hota hai?

The answer might be- jab angrez gaddhe mein girte hain to usey depression kehte hain.

2. Yeh angst kya hota hai?

Jab angrez bahut pareshaan hota hai, to apne aapko angst ka shikaar kehlaata hai.

3. Yeh tensionwa kya hota hai?

Jab angrez ke paseene chhootte hain na, to use tensionwa bolte hain. Yeh Raamgarh mein sirf Gabbar ke aadmiyon ko dekhke hota hai.

4. Yeh road rage kya hota hai?

Jab apne ghode ke aage peeche doosre ghode aajayein, aur hamein raasta na dein, tab aanewale gusse ko road rage kehte hain

5. Chill ka kya kya matlab hota hai?

Jaise hum apni 'chillum' sulgaake uske kash ka mazaa uthate hain, to usiko yeh angrez chill kehte hain

Give us our Daily Soap

Here are some new prayers for the modern generation.

1. Give us our daily soap- as in mind-numbing soap opera, not the body-cleaner.

2. Give us a new Facebook profile- a new way to look at ourselves. Mirrors are so old-fashioned. Vanity, thou hast a new FACE!

3. Give us the daily dose of instant wisdom. Some out-of-context quotes from online storehouses which now replace Himalayan Masters and the Oracles of Delphi.

4. Give us a disaster a day, to keep our media alive. With only one condition, God, that I don't figure in any of them.

5. Give us our high fat, high sodium, high sugar diet so we can be on a permanent high.

Amen!

New Forms of Knighthood

It's time to democratise Knighthood. America is the logical global policeman who should take the lead. But since it is a democratic process, let me, a non-American, outline some of the contours of the proposal. First of all, the people conferred with the honour will be called Days, not Knights.

Citizens (and not Kings or Queens, obnoxious relics of a non-democratic way of functioning) will confer 'Dayhood on the 'Days'. They will be nominated based on what happens in the neighbourhood. I can nominate my bus conductor, or school teacher, or my waiter in the restaurant, or the balloon seller who makes the kids smile, for Dayhood. Not more than twenty nominations will be required to be generated for this to happen.

The Dayhood will essentially recognise a person's ability to brighten up people's days in some way- through being a nice person, by bringing joy into others' lives, by bringing a smile to your face, etc..there will be no control on the number of Dayhoods, unlike Knighthoods. And the objective will be to have lots of 'Days'. Again, a very small recognition will be given to the Day by the community of neighbours, without fanfare, or boring speeches. May be a nice flower, or a card, or some such token of what people think of them. Over time, this will earn respect for people from all walks of life.

'Days' of a rectangular table can hold regular meets, like Knights of the Round Table did earlier. They can share their stories, a la TED, and others can listen in, and try to emulate them if they want to.

Did I make your day?