The New Life Skills

We all know the old life skills we were expected to learn in India; pass exams, study, pass more exams, study, get a US visa, and then a green card (which I am told is not coloured green- a mirage/chimera), and then become a US citizen, so that you can have a legit bank account in a foreign bank without the Indian govt. accusing you of stashing black money (which could actually be green, blue, etc.) and so on. You know the story.

These days, life skills have undergone a sea change. First, you need to know your ipad from your Android smartphone, need to know your Ferrari (not literally yours) from your Harley Davidson (likewise), know how to take a selfie and post it in a flash using your teeth which are blue (which is actually a technology and has nothing to do with what your jaws contain), and you need to have a playlist of songs in digital form (one could be more advanced and have a playlist of people who you have relationships with as well), and appear cool all the time, even in a Nagpur summer reaching 48 degrees Celsius.  It helps immensely if you own a selfie-stick, and have a rich dad who can sponsor your annual foreign trips, among other things-then you can actually be cool in the summers.

Oh yes, and you have to come up with constant witticisms and ‘deep’ statements on Facebook, while watching Bollywood potboilers (they really need to rename these as wok-friers to keep up with changing times). You could even be a stand-up comedian, if you are really good at the one-liners. And forget that the US even exists. That reminds me of a joke I heard on TV from a stand-up. He said, “Bangaloreans really appreciate humour. So much so, we elected Siddaramaiah as CM”. No offence to the gentleman, as I hardly know him.

Selling a Ferrari

I am thinking about selling the Ferrari. But first I must remember to buy one. And become a monk. These things are getting harder and harder. Earlier, monks used to be monks. And Schumacher types used to drive Ferraris on the autobahns. Why are monks into buying and selling of the mean machines anyway?.

Anyway, having got this thought, I begin to ponder as to what else I can sell. Maybe I can sell my TV, and let someone else watch the trash that it can produce at the flick of a remote. But then, if they don't produce all that, the unemployment problem would get unmanageable.

Maybe I can sell my A.C. and prevent global warming. I understand that CFCs produced by ACs are responsible in some way for melting of Arctic glaciers. Now, that would be a cool thing to do- or is it warm?

I can actually sell my car (not the imaginary Ferrari) and not drive around so much. It will greatly improve my health and the health of those whom I afflict with my company on a regular basis. But what if they sought out my company and drove to meet me? Maybe I can persuade them to sell their cars too.

My song collection can also be sold- for a song. With a 1 cm multigigabyte-sized pen drive/memory stick, who needs cassettes/CDs and the like? An APPLE device a day keeps all other competitors at Bay!