A Dictionary of Sorts- Part 3

Exchequer- Title conferred upon men after marriage; if he doesn't oblige with the cheques, he becomes an ex.

Espouse- a wife one discovers on the internet.

Electric chair- where convicts come to a shocking conclusion.

Density- what Newton suffered from before gravity cured him.

Derail- to boldly take a train where no track has gone before.

Debar- to forcibly drag a husband away from the pub.

Date- a system of numbering days. Go on a date, and your days are numbered.

Crematorium- a place to satisfy your burning desires.

If you want more, read the book. PV Subramaniam's 'Dictionary of English: The Udder Side'.

A Dictionary of Sorts- Part 2

A continuation of Part 1. From the book by PV Subramaniam (Dictionary of English- The Udder Side)

Marathon- A technique used to evade creditors

Metro- An underground movement operating with official connivance.

Middle Ages- That period of your life when battling your girth is an enormous waist.

Middle East- now rechristened as 'Meddle East' by the US Foreign Affairs Department.

Mind-reading- A mystical quality expected of husbands.

Mirror- an object that rarely makes one reflect.

Monogamy- having one wife too many.

Morgue- a place where you could freeze to death.

Mud Pack- a treatment that greatly improves some women's appearance, provided it's left ON.

Nepotism- The Theory of Relativity employed in an organization.

A Dictionary of Sorts- Part 1

These gems are from Dictionary of English-The Udder Side by PV Subramaniam. There are lots more, and of the racier kind also, where these came from. To the family audiences, these should be good enough.

Python- a snake having a crush on its victims.

Rat Race- sporting event witnessed when the cat is out of the bag.

RIP- Do-not-disturb sign used in grave situations.

Peace- What the US wanted Saddam to rest in.

Paunch- no dearth of girth

Perfume- an expensive alternative to bathing.

Pharaoh- Daddy who became Mummy.

Pall-bearer- A guy who lets you down at the last minute.