Valentine's Day Thoughts

 It is popularly seen as a romantic day or day for romancing. But if you expand the meaning to a larger one, maybe we could view it as a day to celebrate universal love and brother/sisterhood.

Why we need such days more frequently, is that wars, coups, persecution and grief are the order of the day in large parts of the world-many for no good reason. Hoping that these will reduce through the next few years. But certainly, expressing good feelings towards everyone, including significant others, is always a welcome idea. Celebrate parents, children, friends and in my case, students too.

Happy Valentine's Day, in advance!

Thinking- a Lost Art?

We had a lot of time on our hands in my years of growing up. We probably had a lot of physical activity too, but this post is about the time we spent thinking about things, when we were not playing, studying, or watching movies-in theatres.

One of our think-tanks in engineering college, Osmania University. 1977-82.


I am not sure what we thought about-maybe what we would do as a grownup, whether we even wanted to grow up (I think we did, as the grass appeared greener on that side then). Maybe about doing wonderful things like flying (my first flight was at age 23), travelling to a different country or countries (that happened on my Ph.D. cum sightseeing trip at age 26).

Most likely, thoughts also included finding the love of your life (maybe not, maybe you thought you had already found her/him with every new crush), owning your own car and going on an adventure (it IS an adventure, come to think of it, on our city roads), owning a Badminton court so you could play without interruption ( a friend from college in Hyderabad had this ambition of having a Billiards Table in his basement and playing with Me!).

The world of thoughts is not constrained by reality, and is positive at all times. To this world!

Jobs and Tourism

Pic from Jaipur

Tourism is a job creator many times over. Every tourist needs a place to stay in, food to eat, and transport to move around. Some of these (the first two) may require some capital investment, but the transport could come in various forms, including private taxis or aggregators, or other local options (two-wheelers, cycle rickshaws, etc.).

Guides speaking multiple languages are an asset, and so are other information creators and providers. Local travel agents can also play a big role. Entertainment providers can also think creatively and develop options for travellers on a tight schedule, or those with more time.

I have recently started looking into tourism for research, and I find it's an area rich in potential for research too. If the right policies are followed, India can probably outdo itself with its rich variety of travel motivators, from history and architecture, to spiritual or medical reasons.

Good marketing of course, can lead to a big impact on tourism, both international and domestic. 

Worrisome Worries

Ok, I am getting philosophical. But natural, one would say, coz I am a Doctor of Philosophy.

But I am serious. We worry too much, and don't listen to the song "Don't worry, be happy" enough.

We worry about the future, when the present calls out and says, "I am here."

We worry about what we don't have (and possibly, the neighbours do have), forgetting that we do have a lot.

We worry about the world, which seems to have taken care of itself since we were born. And probably will do so after we die..

We worry about the potholes, and the jackasses who drive like crazy.

We worry about things we have no control over, and discuss them to death. Such as, "Who will win the IPL?"

We'd be better off worrying less, and doing (or not doing) more.

Contests for World Leaders

No prizes for guessing who's going to win the best Kurta contest. Let's look at some others.

Best hairstyle without a wig. The winner is Kim Il ..whatever. the North Korean guy.

Best one with a wig. Donald Trump.

The only one cuter than Shahid Kapoor and Hrithik Roshan combined. Justin Trudeau- Canada.

The only one with a heart- Dil-ma Rousseff, if she has not been impeached. Brazil.

Six packs. Putin.

Nitwits. Nawaz Sharif may have few competitors.

Shepherd of largest flock of sheep. The New Zealander.

The militantly named one- Bar(r)ack Obama.

The one with an endearing Hindi word in his name- Abe, Japan.

Global Fashion

A quick sum-up of the fashionable things.

In Syria, it is to migrate to Europe by boat, or bicycle.

In the U.S., it is to shoot at campuses. To find a higher purpose in life, shoot inside places of higher education.

In the Mediterranean, it is to resue the boat people mentioned above.

In Australia, it is changing Prime Ministers.

In India, it is to hold election rallies, build speed-breakers on potholed roads.

In Dubai, it is to boast about and construct tall buildings.

In Japan, it is to bow.

In North Korea, it is to make cutouts of their Leader to upstage Jayalalitha's.

In South Korea, it is to barbeque anything in sight.

Solving World Problems Part 2

I think I had solved the world's problems before, but I have found a second solution for the biggest one (at this rate, I am afraid there won't be any challenges left, soon). This is the ultimate solution for the biggest global problem- unemployment. No, it is not sitting under a tree meditating, in case you thought that was the solution.

It is this. Every person above age 18 must litigate at all times- meaning, file at least one court case at any point of time. This will create more courts, more clerks in courts, and eventually, jobs for all. We will all be kept busy, and no one will complain of boredom. The cases will go on and on. The malls may shut down, because the litigation will eat away into incomes, and people will not have money to buy anything, nor time to go shopping. Americans already use this idea, but only on a small scale. I am proposing this on a "war footing" across the world.

Media will function well, and another 200 channels can give us live coverage of all ongoing trials. These being more interesting than cricket matches, they will keep the channels busy 24 by 7. Reality shows can be shut down, as nobody will watch them any more. What can be more interesting than watching your own trial's live coverage?

There is only one additional subsidy it would need, to fight cases, and it can be named Rahul Gandhi Bekaaron ko kaam dilanewali Yojana. After all, he deserves to have something in his name.

We Lead the World ...

People just don't understand. They go by short-sighted things like the GDP and Weapons of Mass Destruction (real ones like those in America or China or Russia) to judge how well a country is doing. Well, I would like to dispel these childish notions about nations and bring to your attention that India leads the world in many things. Such as-

1. No. of potential tourists whom we scare off each year. Amir Khan's trying to rectify that, but it'll be a while.

2. No. of journalists per square inch. This already big number doubles around politicians, criminals, and scamsters. And Rakhi Sawant.

3. Tons of Garbage per capita-uncollected, and spread equitably across the roads.

4. Number of unemployed engineers (we are still not sure if the coding armies of the IT world actually do any real work, so this could be revised upwards soon).

5. Number of suggestions that start with "They should.." or its equivalent. As long as we don't have to do any of the suggested things ourselves. The Japanese luckily did not start suggestion schemes with Indians as their citizens/employees. They wouldn't have known where to begin.

6. Metres of telephone cables per person.

7. Gigametres of roads dug up at any point of time, for reasons ranging from the ridiculous to well,.. ludicrous.

8. Meaningless blogs per square inch of brains.

There is no Superman

As you grow up, you discover things about the world. At first, you think there is a Santa Claus. He comes every Christmas, and brings you gifts. Then, you discover that he does not exist.

Then, you discover that Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse and Goofy also don't exist.  Would be fun to have a talking mouse and duck, I think. Would beat some of the boring humans I know.

By and by, you also discover that Richie Rich exists, but that it is not you.

But you still believe in Superman. For saving the world, there is no one like him. But then, it is a big blow to discover that he is a figment of someone's imagination.

The consolation is that you find people who are changing the world, and that you can do it too, in a small way.

Leela- Book Review

This is an amazing autobiography (with some contribution from Jerry Pinto to it) of Leela Naidu. She is not known much to this generation. I had only heard of her, because she was from an earlier period. Maybe seen a couple of her songs from a film called Anuradha.

She seems like a warm, caring human being, and dabbled in many things, including making documentary films, and acted in films too. But more than the skin deep beauty (she was listed once by Vogue among the world's most beautiful) of her radiant face, it is the radiant prose of the book that impressed me. It is indeed a chronicle of a life lived well, partly in India, some parts in France and Switzerland, and lots more travelling everywhere. From slaves in Africa to naxalites in Kolkata, she has met all varieties of people, and freely expresses her views.

Her observations on societies and humankind are generally spot-on, and I found myself agreeing with her on most. And that is a rarity, let me assure you. I rarely agree with anyone thus, man or woman. Anyway, that's a character flaw I will not dwell on.

A hilarious epsisode (there are lots) in the book tells of the quirks of our Hindi movie producers who decide the bust size of their heroines- she apparently received a box containing an inflatable device to wear on the first day of her shoot! And sent it back promptly.

Highly recommended, to anyone interested in life. There's so much of it here.

Hope in Times of Gloom

Indian stock market indices like the Sensex are doing cartwheels of joy, after hearing about the reforms that were announced over the last week. This is actually like an Oktoberfest of our own.

It is without a doubt because of the 1991 reforms that we are a strong country today. But for them, we would have been in the depths of despair, and probably hungry, disintegrated and disoriented. The ability to market these and more would probably see our economy grow at a fair clip in the next two decades.

With gloom pervading the European and American markets, this is our chance to show the world that we can lead it for a change. Let's do it!

Solving the World's Problems

I think we look up to celebrities for a good reason. We think they are who we want to be. Don't we all fantasize about living like a rock star, a film star, a sports star? Don't we crib about how fate did us a wrong turn and did not put a silver spoon in our mouth like it did for some of them?

Now, the celebs are doing us a return favour. They are showing us how to solve the world's (and our) problems. The similarity of the solutions provided by different celebs to a variety of problems is uncanny. And daring. And so simple.

Someone complains that you are loud and raucous in a restaurant? Someone asks you to behave in a sports stadium? Someone criticises the stupid film you starred in? Someone makes snide remarks about your girlfriend?

Well, the Mahatma might roll in his grave, but what the heck? We are made of sterner stuff, right? So, we have the simple solution, namely- ka-boom, spiff, dishum or whatever sound you associate with this single point solution. Use your fist first and think later, if at all. Whether it is a restaurant at the Taj or the Wankhede stadium, or a birthday party, you won't have any problems anywhere if you just follow this simple rule. Remember, anyone challenges you, annoys you, or you just don't like his face, go whoosh, sock it to him. And live happily ever after. Doesn't it beat (puns have a way of appearing unexpectedly) all the fairy tales you ever heard? Maybe Michael Jackson was right, when he said, " Beat it."

If only everyone adopted this policy, there wouldn't be any more problems in this world.

Contributions by Different Professions

What is the contribution of every profession to society at large? Yes, it is an important issue that the world needs to take cognizance of- more so because we have run out of things to say about global warming, end of the world aka doomsday circa 2012, and other glorious topics. So let me initiate another debate of epic proportions.

Engineers contribute the bridges we walk or drive on. Software engineers write code that works to enable us to look up Wikipedia instead of using our brains.

Poets contribute by making us long for love and find despair, and express it in nice words. Craftsmen create works of art that we like to look at but not buy. Manufacturing workers and their bosses help mass-produce things that we don't like to look at most of the time, but buy.

Accountants help to keep tabs on things that are tough to keep tabs on, as Satyam and Enron prove once in a few years. Marriage planners help you get into holy matrimony, so they are the reps for heaven, where these matches are actually made. Match fixers of a different kind.

Bollywood producers help you to spend a few happy hours watching a fantasy and many more hours discussing it. Ekta Kapoor of TV serial production achieves the same in multiples with the same story in 100 serials/shows with a different cast. Her patented technique for time-wasting shots is a tribute to film-making.

Dance shows contribute by showing you the various ways you can twist and turn the body- just to earn the approval of jobless judges. Talent shows in general discover your talent, and then leave you in the lurch, without the million rupee contracts that were promised before the show began.

Managers show how management is the easiest thing in the world, by choosing the option learnt from various case studies- by doing nothing. Ad professionals entertain everyone by being creative, and blaming competition for the sales not going up. If that's not creativity, what is?

Banks laugh all the way to the bank (is that an Oxymoron, or something?) by letting you park your money with them for nothing, so they can make loans to people who don't exactly feel obligated to return them. Financial analysts, likewise, advise you to park the money where it may never meet you again.

Climatologists keep everyone worried about a degree or two in weather change, so that global conferences can be held at the cost of polluting sponsors.

And the world goes on..and bloggers fulfill an important duty by blogging about all these guys.