Maintenance Schedule for Humans

 Apart from the weekly off, there's no maintenance schedule for humans. If machines can have ones, shouldn't humans?

I suggest the following- 

A foot massage every 2 weeks, and additional doses when required.

A head massage every 10 days.

A swim in the pool, every 5-6 days. 

A beach visit, every 3 months- quarterly.

A mountain visit, every 6 months, when it's not crowded- or else, it'll feel like Silk Board Junction!

A game with a kid of 4-6 years. Once in a while

A game of Golf/Badminton or whatever, every Sunday or two Sundays.

A cruise, every year.

Start with 60% of these immediately. Change dosage as required.

My Ideal Person

I am an evolved being- at least that's what I like to think, after all these years on the planet. So my choice of humans is those with some or all of the following qualities-

Fun, not overly serious about every little thing going on.

Good singers- I like music, so Cacofonix is certainly not a favourite. Actually, good atany creative arts.

Courteous, and not just to the boss or superior. Just naturally.

One who laughs a lot. Related to no. 1, but not exactly the same thing.

One who clearly prefers a human to a mobile phone (it's a thing for me).

Sensible too, if possible, but that's not essential :)

What the Prime Minister Cannot Do For You

Thought I would make it clear for those who think God and after him/her, the PM ought to do things for them. These are the things, folks, he cannot do for you.

1. Change your kid's diaper
2. Clean up your house and the adjacent plot where you dump your waste
3. Teach your kids (good) manners
4. Stop you from discriminating against your girl child
5. Stop you from taking/giving dowry
6. Help you be a nice human
7. Develop your potential and help you search for a suitable career
8. Entertain you by giving you one-liners like a stand-up comedian (or Lalu Yadav)
9. Fix your broken marriage
10. Grow things in your garden

A related joke that I am reminded of- A man complained to God that he wasn't looking after him. He was so unlucky compared to his fellow earthlings. Why, for instance, did he not win a lottery?
God replied that HE had made all arrangements for the man to win a lottery, but he had to buy a ticket first!