Anopheles in 2015

Anopheles, my winged friend sailed in without a fuss, and started a conversation as if we had met yesterday-in fact, it had been several months since we had met.

How are you doing? she said easily.

I am fine. How about you? I asked back.

Not too bad. But I must say, this business of kids growing up gets my goat at times, she confessed.

Why? I pretended innocence.

Well, they want so many things. A good training, a palatial home, and no interference from us parents, she said.

And the latest gadgets? I added, questioningly.

And all the latest gadgets, she acquiesced. For work and for play. 

I said, "Don't worry too much about it. It's just a phase. We go through it here in our world too."

She turned to me and said, "What's up in your world?"

I said, "It's more WhatsApp than What's up."

"And what's that?" she wanted to know.

I explained, "It's an app- life these days runs on apps-applications, I mean. We want a cab, there's an app for it. If we are hungry, the pizza company's app helps. If we want a doctor, there's a medical app. If we want to exercise, another one keeps tabs on how many kilometres we have walked, and tells us the blood pressure at all times, before, during and after. This one's a communication app."

"And all these apps make you happier?" she asked.

"Well, I'll need an App to answer that," I joked. "The art of conversation is close to dead. If it's alive, it's only because some women still like to chat the old-fashioned way." I couldn't tell whether that remark made her happy or not. But I went into a reverie of sorts, imagining what kind of an App could produce H 'app'iness in humans -or even mosquitoes. For now, we said our goodbyes happily, and decided to meet more often, and exchange notes.

Weekend Wanderings

When you wander out, you learn a lot. On some recent wanderings, I had the following great learnings.

The bus crowd behaves the best, particularly when it's a sleeper bus. The reason? It immobilises you, and you can only lie down, and do no mischief- except snore. In the case of air passengers, they try to achieve the same by putting the service trolley in the aisle, and preventing you from moving, but passengers take revenge by springing up like an unsprung toy doll the moment the plane lands, even before instructed. And then wait forever at the baggage belt for their checked luggage.

In trains, people move forever. Mostly to check on the loos. If there is water in the loo, or sometimes to inspect which one is clean enough to use. Immobilising strategies don't work, except on the train itself, for lack of a green signal, particularly just outside its destination station.

Also, in a train, you cannot escape constant noise- from vendors selling almost anything- I won't be too surprised if Airbus and Boeing salesmen started vending their wares through brochures soon. The platforms on stations give you choices of local delicacies, and now Railways are threatening to offer mobile apps for ordering food delivered to your coach. Soon, I can order a Hyderabadi biryani while in Nagpur- or maybe not.

All these apps aside, someone forgot to remind them that a Cleanliness Drive is sweeping the nation (pardon the pun). The cleanliness was better around twenty years ago. Well, one can either have gourmet food, coach-delivered, or cleanliness. Not both. Given the airline food, I'll take the gourmet food any day. And wait for cleanliness to arrive some day.

Post-poll Apps for Various Parties

Post-parliamentary poll in India, I heard Apple has introduced the following downloadable 'food-looking' Apps-

For the Congress, it's a dahi-shakkar, which one partakes of before leaving home- in this case, Lok Sabha.

For the AAP, it is AAPLE juice, a new age invention specially to keep them away. The doctor is already gone (see above) after having his curd and sugar.

For AIADMK, 2 kgs. of halwa from Tirunelveli, also downloadable from Amma's canteen.

For TMC, a lifetime supply of Rosogollas, hoping that will keep them in Kolkata forever, not disturbing us mere mortals elsewhere.

For the Left- A book on SPEAKING ENGLEESH With the Right Accent (not the left). Didi will be allowed to borrow this too.

For the MNS, Babaji ka tullu, whatever that is (refer to Kapil on Sat night).

For the TDP, a smile icon specially designed for Chandrababu Naidu-he looks too damned serious.

And for the BJP, a sattvik dinner in a lotus-shaped dish.