Addictions

 Mobile phones are the biggest among present addictions. Started with Orkut, maybe, went on to Facebook, and Instagram, and may go anywhere from here. The celebrities had Twitter, now X. And everyone has WhatsApp. 

There used to be the good old addictions, like tea, coffee, alcohol, and drugs. They now look like pale shadows of themselves. 

Reading or TV/film-watching may have been addictions too, now mostly replaced by Netflix-type OTT channels on whichever device is available. 

I have actually seen Chief Guests or bigwigs looking at their phones while sitting on stage in important events like Convocations, so one cannot blame it on the youngsters alone.

Movies in theatres are less appealing due to constant buzzing of phones, and people talking on them! Flights, likewise, unless the stewards are strict about it. Even if a plane is crashing, people may want to take a selfie for posterity.

Serious!

Comedians as Heads of State

 Seriously (!), it's not such a bad idea. We already have the Ukrainian Prez., the Punjab C.M. and in the past, Trump and Bush (OK, not officially comics, but you know what I mean).. and a bunch of dictators all over the world, who were extremely funny when they weren't executing people randomly. Let's be rational, and list down the benefits of having a funnyman/woman in the top job.

Humour is in short supply, with all the WhatsApp wars going on about your favourite politician, cricketer, or Football player (nod to American football too). 

Most governmental decisions are funny, to the discerning eye. 

The Happiness Quotient of a nation is something to preserve and expand.

Comedians in Hindi films are extinct - with all the special effects, and superheroes, who has the time to think of a comedy track like the guy who says 'Khamba ukhaad ke,' the sidekick to Gunmaster G 9 (Mithun C.) played by Jagdeep?

The bureaucrats run the show anyway, regardless of the party in power (as Yes, Minister proved so well), so might as well have fun with a funny guy/gal up there.

No, I am not contesting.. not funny enough for the job.

Categorising People on Social Media

 Whatsapp

People who hate WA.

People who think it's the ultimate based on Forwards..

People who Leave a WA group because they got offended

People who threaten others or get into long, nonsensical debates.

Grads, postgrads and Ph.D.s of Whatsapp University.

Facebook

Lurkers who only read posts

Post-ers who post

Those who like others' posts

People who use fb to form communities

People who use fb to actually meet people real time

LinkedIN

People who give gyan

People who listen to gyan and respond to it too

People Looking for Jobs

HR guys looking for guys looking for jobs

Life in the Next Century

Obviously, not mine..this is 2091 and beyond, not 2019..

You come into this world. Your Mom takes a selfie with you (and Dad if he is around), and sends it up simultaneously on all media- before anyone can ask her What's Up, it's on WhatsApp.

You sign up a few friends on Instagram before you leave the hospital- could be other kids born nearby. You go home, and meet relatives- via Skype, of course, and they send you flying kisses. Less scope for infections, you see..all for the good.

You get an online application for Kindergarten, High School, IIT and IIM, all at the same time, and fill them up with the help of your 10 year-old sibling. Also, a passport application, just in case..

You play with friends, all possible games online, and go to school-also online. You download directly into your brain all the content shared by teachers, and then write exams by Thought Reader- the teacher can directly read your thoughts by scanning your brain.

You date people by going to restaurants in the Second Life, and imagining you ate/drank. You give a rating to your date, and she/he does the same to you.

You choose one of these eventually, and live happily ever after- she/he in their home, and you in yours.

How does this sound for Utopia?

Anopheles in 2015

Anopheles, my winged friend sailed in without a fuss, and started a conversation as if we had met yesterday-in fact, it had been several months since we had met.

How are you doing? she said easily.

I am fine. How about you? I asked back.

Not too bad. But I must say, this business of kids growing up gets my goat at times, she confessed.

Why? I pretended innocence.

Well, they want so many things. A good training, a palatial home, and no interference from us parents, she said.

And the latest gadgets? I added, questioningly.

And all the latest gadgets, she acquiesced. For work and for play. 

I said, "Don't worry too much about it. It's just a phase. We go through it here in our world too."

She turned to me and said, "What's up in your world?"

I said, "It's more WhatsApp than What's up."

"And what's that?" she wanted to know.

I explained, "It's an app- life these days runs on apps-applications, I mean. We want a cab, there's an app for it. If we are hungry, the pizza company's app helps. If we want a doctor, there's a medical app. If we want to exercise, another one keeps tabs on how many kilometres we have walked, and tells us the blood pressure at all times, before, during and after. This one's a communication app."

"And all these apps make you happier?" she asked.

"Well, I'll need an App to answer that," I joked. "The art of conversation is close to dead. If it's alive, it's only because some women still like to chat the old-fashioned way." I couldn't tell whether that remark made her happy or not. But I went into a reverie of sorts, imagining what kind of an App could produce H 'app'iness in humans -or even mosquitoes. For now, we said our goodbyes happily, and decided to meet more often, and exchange notes.

Facebook, Whatsapp and Me

First there was Orkut. It stormed the world with what it enabled people to do. Share comments, pics and what not. There might have been others, but Orkut was the king. And then FB happened, sweeping away everything in its path.

Now, Whatsapp seems much more popular, particularly for smartphone users. I am a dumb user of smartphones, doing nothing much on mine except making some calls and sending SMSes (remember Short Messaging Service?)- I know, oh- so- outdated.

There's something called Tumblr too, I think, but the only one I know is the one used to have coffee from in the southern part of India.

I am on the list of endangered species like the dinosaurs once were and almost all large mammals except dictators and war-mongers today are, I fear. But I wonder how long facebook will last, particularly because I am told it's more about ads and promos of all kinds (many undesirable to the average Joe on fb) these days.

I think blogs will last forever, though, coz they are not easily noticed, unless you go out looking for them. Therefore, safe from predators. You will never ever hear of a multi-billion dollar takeover of Blogger or Wordpress, I am sure. So, blog away to glory, fellow bloggers. The only thing you need to fear is 'no readers', but fear nothing else!

Tattoo Tittle Tattle

I decided to get myself a tattoo. After all, I had got a facebook page, a Whatsapp account (for a while), a Samsung mobile, and so on. The only thing lacking in my life now was a tattoo. The only problem that remained was "what to tattoo?" (no, this is not an attempt at inventing tongue-twisters)

I thought of my first girlfriend's name. But that would be unfair to the subsequent ones. My favourite movie actress? But I had one for each decade that I watched films (you can see I am 'decadent' many times over). So should it be the golden sixties, the roaring seventies, the throbbing eighties, the novel nineties, or the new millennial decade of 2000 plus? It was too confusing. So I thought of  my favourite quote. But it wouldn't fit easily. I would have to give an arm and a leg for it.

Then, I thought of a slogan. If I had to pick one defining slogan that would capture what I would like to do now, later and forever, that would be my watchword for life, what would it be? And it came to me in a flash- Relax. So I did, and postponed the tete- a- tete with the tattoo artist to another day.