Munnabhai, MBA

Story: Munnabhai, after his usual stunts, gets admission into IIMB, circa 1982. During his stay, his friend and confidante Gurumurthy is always by his side. Munna and Guru are sitting at Uncle’s, the campus adda, sipping chai and feasting on bondas. Read on (in Hindi)....

Munnabhai: Apun ka to jaan nikal gaya baap.

Gurmurthy:  Kyon, kya hua, Munnabhai?

Munna: Are who saala JD kya tagda sawaal poocha apne quiz me. Kuch samajh mein nahin aa raha tha kya likhneka. Differentiate between handling the product and fondling the product? Hudh ho gayi yaar!

Guru: Phir... tumne kya likha?

Munna: Are main kya khaak likhta? Woh sala Jockey apne paas baitha thaa na, uska answer ‘toap’ diya saala.

Guru: Lekin usko to zero mila tha pichle quiz me…VK se ‘topne’ ka thaa na? Kamse kam pass to ho jaate?

Munna: Are chhod yaar, apne ko Harvard thode hi jaana hai, bus ek chhote se multinational company mein Supply Chain Management ka dhanda kar lenge yaar.

Guru: Kya matlab?

Munna: Wohi purana dhanda- ghaas bechne ka – uskoich yeh log naya naam diya…Supply Chain Management. Guru…aur ek baat bol na?

Guru: Kya Munnabhai?

Munna: Yeh Jaggu hai na, apun ko Underworld se aaya lagta hai.

Guru: Kyon Bhai?

Munna: Are uske Effective Communication course mein saala raat ke baarah baje aur subah saat baje ka Deadline hota hai assignment submit karne ke vaaste. Tu kabhi Underworld ko chhod ke suna kya aisa baat kabhi?

Guru: Haan, sahi baat hai bhai…

Munna: Guru , ek baat bataa …tu Diwali Night mein paida hua thaa kya re?

Guru: Kyon?

Munna: Are kya naaam hai woh…SK ROY apne class mein kuch anaab shanaab bol raha tha Diwali night ke baare mein…bilkul filum ka story lag raha thaa. Aur woh Valecha aisa kaala chashma lagaata hai…Daku lagta hai saala.. maar daalega apun ko.

Guru: Are nahin, Munnabhai, who to bahut sweet kism ka professor hai. Sabko A Grade deta hai…..

Munna: Guru, ek baat bata..yahan ka Student log yahan ka Teacher log se bhi zyaada kyon baat karta hai re?

Guru: Isko case method bolte hain Bhai…yeh musibat Harvard se Ahmedabad aur wahan se yahan tak aa pahunchi hai.

Munna: Achha, aisa bolta kya? Lekin woh Adavi phir bhi bahut bolta hai…sawaal bahut poochta hai saala. Magar ek cheez idhar bahut achha laga apun ko…

Guru: Woh kya, Munna?

Munna: Yahan ka chhokri log….bahut ghul mil ke rehta hai chhokron ke saath. Bindhaast hai saala..raat bhar apna kamra chhod ke G Block mein ghoomta rahta hai..

Guru: Assignments karte honge na bhai…

Munna: Haan yaar, apun ka bhi chakkar chal raha hai ek chhokri ke saath..woh apna sab notes apun ko deke gayi kya...

Guru: Kaun hai woh, munna?

Munna: Kisiko bolega to nahin..uski aankhon mein nasha hai...

Guru: Nahin bolega……..kaun hai woh?

Munna: Yaar, naam to pataa nahin...magar kya mast cheekhti hai yaar..ekdum fit rahegi Underworld ko control mein rakhne ke vaaste...

THE END

Of Censors and Other Ships

Ships come in all sizes. People mistakenly thought that 'size matters' in all matters related to ships, until the Titanic sank. So that was that. But one cannot deny that in the history of mankind, ships have played a major role- losing their way to the Americas and starting the Wal-Mart and McDonald's revolution, so integral to the progress of mankind. Where would we be without consumerism , and burgers? Dosas are just not enough to drive a giga-trillion dollar world economy.

So this is a historic analysis of various ships and their contribution to mankind. On a serious note, before we get hilarious (or delirious), Neil Armstrong died yesterday, the guy whose moonwalk was a giant step for mankind. The Star'ship' Enterprise too, went where no man has gone before (some people joked, like to the women's loo).

Anyway, let's get back to some mundane earthly ships, rather than take starry flights into celestial territory. Ships are of different kinds. The most beneficial are those like censorship- these are ships that stop a thousand launches (reversing the Cleopatra paradigm). You may well ask- how? Well, before you launch your face(book) stuff, you need to clear it from about ten different members of this ship. So, that's creating a new job opportunity for ten very creative and hitherto unemployed people, who will think of new reasons why you should not be twittering or facebooking around. After all, birds are supposed to twitter, not humans of five feet- something height. The number of jobs thus generated would boggle the mind, and the word 'unemployment' would be banished from common usage. Maybe left to discover a new home, in space, on a ship created to cart it out, along with other undesirables.

Well, the other forms of ships may include trusteeship, which is something the Mahatma talked about. But since nobody remembers what it is exactly, we will defer a discussion to a later date. In fact, until Raju Hirani made his second Munnabhai film, we were not sure who the Mahatma was either!

Coming to ships we are more familiar with, we have ownership. This is not a ship at all, but something that establishes that Man A is the owner of a thing B. This is to be strictly avoided, because according to all philosophers across ages, from Confucius (he was actually very clear, not confused at all), to Buddha, it puts you on a trajectory away from self-realisation. So if you want Mukti, Nirvana, or Eternal Bliss, think of taking a voyage on any ship but this one.

More later, as this analysis will take much longer than I thought. I don't want to miss my ship..rather, bus!