Getting Serious

When will we grow up and get serious about all the Syrias (or Koreas) of the world? Not very soon, until countries stop thinking of themselves as policemen of the world, and poking their nose into other people's business (rather than getting their own house in order).

Till then, here is a PJ to keep yourself distracted.

An employer is the one who employs an employee. Right?

Therefore, a Barber is the one who sends a barb to a Barbie.

Laughter is the best medicine, in the face of onion prices, chemical weapons, and shooters in the backyard of the Navy (building). And Miss Americas from India. Columbus must be happy.

 Just a thought. Would we have Muthoot Onion Loans being incorporated in India soon?

Interview with a Stock Market Analyst

Mr. Shah, expert on stock markets, is being interviewed by the PYA (Pretty Young Anchor, of which there are many on television)-

PYA: Mr. Shah, what do you recommend today?

Shah: Well, I think half the Gujjus will have dhokla today, so I see an upside in flour making companies specialising in Chana Dal....

PYA: How about Banking, Pharma, IT, and Metals? Should you go long or short, Mr. Shah?

Shah: Well, it’s been a long time since I was so bullish on IT stocks. If the rupee goes to a hundred against the dollar, they’ll double their sales turnover by doing nothing. It’s like a magic trick, or alchemy.. so I am going gaga (no threat to the Lady) over IT now.

Pharma, I am also sure will also do well, as the rupee is giving high BP and heart trouble to all the importers in our country. So they have to do well, there is no option..

Banking, I will say that people don’t want their hard-earned rupees to go waste, so they will buy gold as that is the only tangible asset they can see. Real-estate is more likely to melt down than the yellow metal....as a result, banks will have a tough time, so I would say sell banking stocks.

PYA: Brilliant analysis, Mr. Shah. What advice do you have for the retail investor?

Shah: There was always conventional wisdom that to be a successful investor, you must know your onions. Never so true, never so true as today. You must stock up on onions like there is no tomorrow. Even if you don’t eat them, stock up on them. Buy a deep freezer and stock up on onions. That can ensure your daughter’s marriage, your son’s education, and a hedge for rising petrol prices. Since you can’t stock up on petrol, stocking up on onions is the only way out.

PYA: Thank you soo... much, Mr. Shah.

Viewer (Switching channels to Ekta Kapoor’s serial) : Am I the only one going bananas out here?

Knowing your Onions

Today, more than at any other time in the history of mankind, it has become critical that you know your onions. And tomatoes. And vegetables.Because like India's crisis in 1991 which forced us to take some gold to the IMF and get some cash in return, the onion seems ready to take households to the brink.

I am an unabashed onion fan. I have been eating them since I was a kid. I get irritated if there are no onions in my plate at mealtimes. I ate onions by the dozens in my engineering college mess, as that was the only unlimited item on our plates, apart from rice and sambar. I used to cut onions and tomatoes for our lunch table even after I got married-that speaks volumes about the extent of my love of onions.

I am sure the onion farmers must be smiling, and onion traders and other hoarders must be having a belly laugh right now, but us, poor eaters, are close to tears, even when we are not cutting the onions up. This is gross "be-insaafi", as Gabbar would have put it. A modern version of Sholay might actually have an episode about the great onion robbery instead of the train robbery sequence.

Academics could write about 'the great onion theory of governance' about collapse of governments caused by the humble onion, because a couple of governments did actually take a tumble when prices sky-rocketed in the past. Here's hoping we don't get to that stage! Happy munching!