Skills You Need

I am all for building skills (This is not a serious post on the subject, in case you are wondering). So the only question is, which skills do we need for survival in today's rough-and-tumble world?

No. 1 would be the Selfie-taking skill

You don't exist unless you are on some social media. Your existence (in peoples'minds) is correlated with the number of selfies you post, preferably with a pout. If you post other pics, ten of them count as equal to one selfie. Get it? There are now phones with two cammeras on each side, so you have no excuses.

No. 2 would be Linguistic Skill.

Yo, bro. Have you met your bae recently? No go? etc...it's called being in tune with the times, and not besura.

No. 3 would be the Ability to Forward

We are not talking Hockey or Football here. Whether it's WhatsApp, facebook, or Insta, you are a nobody unless you can hit the forward button a few times in a day (or night, if you prefer). Again, it is mainly to let your friends know you are alive, and not watching GoT 24x7 when you actually are.

No. 4 would be your Ability to make a Mountain out of a Molehill

Ok, I will simplify this. Say, u are at a mall and getting bored. You have to only Check in, as if in a plane, or attach an unrelated GIF, or anything that sounds like fun, and post it online. It creates the impression that you are a fun guy/gal with no worries in the world.

Ditto for airports (the most boring places on earth?), bad movies (Yayy, I am watching the latest MSG film-what a handsome hunk!)..

No. 5 is your Ability to Craft a Consistent Image

Out of all this, you must be consistent. If it means you ahve to come across as being crazy (or permanently pouted), so be it. If it is to be a supersonic traveller (here today, on the moon tomorrow, again..so be it)

Finally, you need some sense of humour, to appreciate the above, Mr/Ms. reader..

Ten Ways to a Bestseller

Actually, the title is slightly off. These are titles of ten bestsellers that will soon come your way.

1. Ten best ways to climb the stairs. Blurb..X is an expert in step-climbing, having climbed over many people to reach the pinnacle of his career. He explains how to, in ten simple steps.

2. Ten best ways to catch fish. Big fish, small fish, river fish (Bongs can read this too), sea fish (for non-Bongs). All the mysteries solved. If everything else fails, there's always Feviquick..

3. Ten ways to sing. Sing your way to someone's heart, or just complete your lifelong ambition (Dash, are you listening?).

4. Ten ways to eat and still be hungry enough to go to a dinner in an evening gown belonging to your younger sister (for females only).

5. Ten ways to win an Olympic medal. From migrating to Jamaica, to hiring Gopichand as your coach, to dodging officials. Winners' secrets revealed.

6. How to wear a hat. Ten ways to do it, so that you don't get mistaken for a mafia Don, or an archaic Englishman.

7. How to win the Game of Thrones. Or any of the games for which facebook invites you everyday.

8. How to survive in the classroom for six hours a day. New ways to stop yourself from dozing.

9. How to write an academic paper without using grey cells. Ideal for those who only have black and white cells.

10. How to block those who write irritating blogs. A must have!

Game of Drones

Looking at the immense popularity of GOT, I decided that I will launch the following games (patents pending)-

GOD, or the Game of Drones. This will consist of 5 really boring lectures, to be given by human drones. Whoever stays awake through the droning, wins. He could go to the International edition, where he will be subjected to global bores, to really test his listening skills.

GOS, Game of Stones. This will be played with coloured stones, some of which will be precious, and some not. The game consists of guessing correctly, which is which. Women players will have to pay the price for guessing wrongly, by buying the fake at the REAL one's price.

GOP, Game of Phones. Your phones are kept in a loft about 4 metres high, mixed with other phones which are procured from various sources. You have to reach up, get the bag of phones down, and blindfolded, pick your phone out of 7 or 8 that are in the bag. Pick the wrong one, and you are banished to an island with no phones. For 7 days. Pick the right one, you are sent to Bali for a week.