New Ways to Die

Who says the last inventor was Thomas Edison? We as a species have always been inventors. It's in our blood- or at least in a couple of us, like Zuckerberg. But I am not talking of dating inventions that went out of control here. I am talking of new ways to die.

In the good old days (just a turn of phrase, can't guarantee they were ACTUALLY good), we could only get a good old heart attack (by whatever name called), or drown in  a river.

Gradually, we invented car crashes (after cars were invented, of course), air crashes (likewise), and a sundry collection of such methods. Some went so far as to crash a Space Shuttle too, but that was rare.

Now, since  9/11, we have turned our attention to the dying process, and have turned innovative. Some top favourites are-

A selfie on the edge of a cliff- talk about LIVING on the edge!

The doctor leaving his scissors in your tummy. A scissarian section?

Driving while you text. What, you say it's too graphic? Text can't be, it's two different things..

Suicide (that's an old one) because of a breakup over FB Messenger (that's the twist).

Honour killing (old one) for even more trivial things (new reasons)- just watch any Hindi movie that is trying to unite two souls in love, and you'll have the annoyed parent pick up a gun and threaten to (or actually) kill his daughter, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, or all of the afore-mentioned. Sons are excluded, because they are needed to kill the next generation.

Trying to buy a first day ticket for a Rajnikanth film. Kabali, da..

Car Colour and Personality

I am on the cusp of a breakthrough theory- that car colour is related to the personality of the guy/gal who chose that colour. Check this out-

Dark colours - these guys have dark secrets to them. Tough to unravel.

White- Apparently the most popular colour for a car in India- naive, transparent, find it difficult to hide their feelings, and can get into trouble in a world that prizes diplomacy.

Golden- Have a heart of gold, more valuable than the metal.

Silver- not quite there (Golden), but getting there. Some more effort needed.

Red- impatient, inclined to speeding, paying higher insurance premium (according to American insurance company data).

Blue- They are the people who will take on your blues, or give you the blues. Depends on the season.

Yellow- don't tell me there are guys with yellow cars! Eeeeks..

Daft Definitions

Some fun de(finitions)-

Shoe- A piece of leather wrapped around your foot.

Lipstick- Lip-synching wax with weird colours.

Car- A hollow piece of metal with four wheels driven on a moon-like surface on earth.

Aircraft- A hollow piece of metal intent on taking off, except when it is fogged out.

IPL- A system devised by scammers, for scammers with spectators’ money. Spectacular.

TRAI- The regulator that gives everyone a ‘trying’ time.

RBI- An entity that always holds your ‘interest’.

My Cracker is Louder than Yours

The different ways in which man competes with another! Examples abound, of this competitive spirit. Some of these are-

My car is bigger, more luxurious, more expensive than yours.

My house is bigger, better located than yours.

My wife is better-looking than yours.

My shirt/trousers were made in a better country (Italy/France) than yours (India/Bangladesh).

My guru writes/teaches yoga/discourses better than yours.

Kids' version of the same spirit- "My daddy strongest."

Maybe these days, it would extend into territories like 'My hospital is better than yours.' Or, 'my bypass surgery took longer than yours.'

Pressures and Unhappiness

There is all kinds of pressure these days from your cradle to your grave. These grave thoughts are the result of some weekend ruminations. Whenever one hears cricket commentary, one remembers the words Manovaigyanik dabaav (Psychological pressure) used by erstwhile Hindi commentators.

These pressures can be of various kinds. To conform, to comply, To fall in line, to be what someone else wants you to be, to keep up with the Maniklals, etc.. What you do with them can result in happiness or otherwise- yours and that of others.

We frequently think that a faster (or bigger) car will bring us happiness, and do double duty to earn enough to buy it. But how many guys actually go out on a long trip in their car- big or small? Research may show that these are fewer than imagined. So the car ends up causing parking problems for everyone, if you are in a metro, rather than joy for the owner. The stares you get are less envious, and more about the nuisance caused by your giant ego-sized vehicle.

Anyway, setting aside cars for a moment, unhappiness can be caused by pressures to perform in fields that you did not choose, or did not apply your mind to choosing. Artists the world over have been represented as rebels, who did exactly what they wanted, and who were often carefree and poor monetarily. There may be a symbolism in this stereotype. It is not that being rich makes you a boor all the time, but it is the setting of your priorities that counts towards happiness over a long time.

Resisting the pressure to be yourself is possible only with some level of economic independence- at the very least, the capacity to feed yourself. Those who can, must try and do what they feel like, and not worry about the guy or gal next door who prepares for an IIT test or whatever else.

Gems of wisdom? Too late in the day? Could be.

Honda Brio

After a long time in the car industry, there is a head-turner. Yes, it looks cute, and unique. The last time one had this feeling might have been with the Daewoo small car in India, and the Volkswagen Beetle abroad. What is it with the million-dollar car designers that they can't think of better designed-cars?

Cars come in weird shapes. Boxy, aggressive, sporty (whatever that means- driving is certainly not a sport, unless you count toying with other people's lives as one). They can also be functional, spacy (more car per car?) and fluidic (hopefully, not a car version of the incredible melting man, one of my favourite comic characters).

When will the designers actually use brains to do things like they apparently have with the Brio? If history is any indicator, not very often.

A Vintage Collection of Pics

1. There is immortality involved here. A sidewalk at Clemson Univ., South Carolina has my name engraved .in it. Not because I won a Nobel Prize, but because I was one of the centenary year graduating students. So people there walk all over me! With me is Anu, my wife who had to be convinced she'd married the right guy!

2. Bond (Moore) and I share a pose at a wax museum in Hollywood, around 1987.

3. The third is a shot of Wendy, a student I taught at Clemson, who modelled for my shot of the vintage car parked in campus.

These are to celebrate my 500th post (and 15000 readership) on this blog. Now, where's the champagne?