What it Takes to be a Baba

There are two categories of Babas (Holy Men)- one, those in jail, and two, who are not in jail.

We will concentrate on those that are out of jail. So, to be one, what do you need?

One, a working knowledge of Sanskrit and the names of the old texts like the Vedas, Upanishads and of course, The Bhagvad Gita. You need not know a lot about these, a stray shloka or excerpt will do, because none of your followers will actually read them.

That reminds me, you need followers to be an effective Baba. That is not so difficult. Our large population comes in handy. Find a few unemployed youth and offer them food and unlimited growth, and a place to stay.

Oh, yes, you need a place to call your own too. An ashram, in other words. You will have to ensnare a rich devotee quickly, one who may have some spare acreage lying unused, and promise him salvation, so that you get the land.

Now all you need is a nice name, and some robes-of any colour that's not taken by competing Babas. A beard may help- like a suit, it makes anyone look impressive. You are all set! You can make a career out of it..but stay out of jail, if possible.

Of Beheadings and Not Being the Head

The juicy news story of last evening was that of Jayalalitha being convicted in a disproportionate assets case and sentenced to jail. You might say it is 'just desserts' after having consumed too many to fit into the body or her coat. Or you may marvel at the appropriateness of "Jayl' lalitha going exactly where her name indicated she would- did not need an astrologer to predict that! The side-effect of being in jail is also that she will no longer 'head' the state that she did.

In other corners of the world, we have the drama of a few be-headings by some terrorist group that seems to have followers from across all other corners of the world besides their own corners. There are so many random terrorist groups these days that you have to 'be' different and use your 'head' to be noticed. So, therefore, the clever use of other people's heads. As the Queen famously said in a popular story, it is "Off with their head". As long as the head is not yours, it hardly matters if it is attached to the body or detached from it. And if you are attached to it, too bad. You can always come back in your next life as the Head of a rival group and get back at the guys who took away your crown in this one.

Jail Bharo Andolan (Fill the Jail Revolution)

Sometimes I get  the idea after watching the mainstream media (or is it 'mainSCREAM'  media?) that our national objective is to jail as many people as possible. So, in line with this new objective, I propose that we invent new 'crimes' that will be treated as non-bailable offences. We can then cancel all mid-day meal and employment guarantee programs, because everyone (eventually) will be in jail either as a criminal or as a jailer watching over that criminal. The new list of crimes would include (the list is suggestive, not exhaustive)-

1. Being unemployed
2. Being sick
3. Having a terminal disease
4. Not being able to afford medicines
5. Being married
6. Having children
7. Being a journalist (ha, ha)
8. Being unmarried
9. Being a Facebook user
and
10. Being a blogger.

Chow. See you at lunch in a jail near you.