Bill of Marital Rights

I sometimes wonder why the words 'marital' and 'martial' are so close to each other. Is it indicative of the way most marriages are conducted? In the interest of peace, I think the time has come to come out with a Bill of Rights for married individuals. The Bill will be completely constitutional, will respect the sovereignty of God in Heaven, and still protect the voice of the oppressed (the married in this case).

Husband's Rights

To be silent: even under accusations, extreme provocation, etc. etc.

To read the newspaper undisturbed.

To watch his favourite sports event, without taunts. His only obligation will be to buy a second TV if there are conflicts of interest with his wife on what to watch.

To go out with friends at times unspecified, with return times undefined.

To forget birthdays, anniversaries.

Wife's Rights

To shop until the bags are bursting at the seams- (no one would notice these, as the husband would be reading the newspaper/watching the TV at such times) or till husband's salary runs out, whichever comes last.

To nag the husband about things he has not done, in this life and the last life.

To phone a friend and have long conversations even while not contesting Kaun Banega Crorepati.

To shed tears copiously once in six months, for reasons known to herself.

I think eternal peace will prevail, once this Bill of Rights becomes Law.