Love Songs- Valentine's Day

Taking a much-needed break from election speeches and pepper-spray politics, and since it is Valentine's Day too, will try and recall some lovely love songs from Hindi films-

1. Chudi nahi yeh mera dil hai, dekho, dekho, toote na... 
2. Tumne kisise kabhi pyar kiya hai, pyar bhara dil kisi ko diya hai..
3. Rajnigandha phool tumhare mehke yun hi jeevan mein, ...
4. Chura liya hai tumne jo dil ko, nazar nahin churana sanam..
5. Abhi na jao chhod kar, ke dil abhi bhara nahi..
6. Karvatein badalte rahe sari raat hum...aap ki kasam..
7. Na jaane kyun hota hai ye zindagi ke saath, achanak ye man kisike jaane ke baad, kare phir uski yaad
8. Aankhon aankhon mein baat hone do, mujhko apni bahon mein khone do..
9. Gata rahe mera dil, tu hi meri manzil..
10. Dil ka bhanwar kare pukar, pyar ka raag suno...hoon, hoon, hoon,..
11. Raatkali ek khwab mein aayi, aur gale ka haar hui...
12. Bhanware ki gunjan, hai mera dil, kabse samhale rakha hai dil, tere liye, tere liye
13. Jadugar, tere naina, dil jayega bachke kahan..
14. Naam gum jayega, chehra ye badal jayega, meri awaz hi pehchan hai, gar yaad rahe
15. Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahin, tere bina zindagi magar zindagi to nahin.......one of the best!

Election Speech 2

This is in the tradition of the Sholay-Dharmendra-Water Tank episode. In Hindi..

Gaonwalon, agar aap log (AAP log nahin, aap log) hamari party ko vote denge, toh hum sab har roz Holi aur Diwali manane lagenge...taaki Gabbar phir se kabhi yeh sawaal na kar sake, ki "Holi kab hai?"

Gabbar ne aapse loota hua sara rupaya kisi doosre gaon ki tijori mein chhupa ke rakha hai, main aur Jai use wapas Ramgadh layenge, aur gaon ke saare taangon ki marammat mein lagayenge. Basanti, mausi, sun rahi ho na?

Ye shaharwale (aur ye angrez) hamesha laptop ki baat karke hamein neecha dikhate hain. Hum itni khush-hali layenge, gaonwalon, ke hamare har ghar mein bachche 'laptop' yaane maa ki god mein khelenge.

Gaonwalon, McDonald's ki dhoom jaise videsh mein chalti hai (aur Coffee Day ki shaher mein), bilkul waise hi hum har sadak par chai ki dukaan khulwa denge, taki sab log aram se apni baaten kar sake. Hamari line hogi, "Bahucharchit chai."

Hum gaon ki khush-hali chahte hain, isliye yahan ke khet hare-bhare karne mein koi kasar nahin rahegi. Jab Kaalia aur Gabbar ke aadmi use dekhenge to apne bare mein sochenge ki woh kis khet ki mooli hain? Aur dakaiti chhod ke woh bhi kheti karne lagenge.

Gaonwalon, mujhe yakeen hai, jeet hamari hi hogi. Mera gaon, mera desh Zindabad!

Election Speech 1

Potentially, there could be many for the upcoming elections. This is a first attempt, so please excuse glitches. I promise to get better with time-

Brothers and sisters (and all the rest),

I promise that it will be a never-ending party. I mean, India will never grow up. We will remain teenaged party-lovers, always -starting with Valentine's Day of 14th Feb fame. You are all invited, except for the owls and other party-poopers, I mean.

Our country has had a great tradition of parties- only, we suitably disguise them as family functions or religious occasions. Countless times, I have attended The Great Indian Wedding, which runs for days, and has costumes which would put erstwhile monarchs to shame. This is all for a good cause, lest you scream "conspicuous consumption." Our detractors may scream all they want, but think of the hungry weavers, spinners (no, not of our party yarns, the real ones), cotton growers and cloth merchants who are able to feed their hungry ones because of these.

I promise that we at our party will serve food that is cooked in pure desi ghee, again aimed at benefiting our home-grown dairy industry, and keeping the greedy multinationals away.

And of course, we will provide everybody jobs in catering to the Great Indian Party that never ends. Think of the impact on our doddering GDP growth! Thank you, and hope for your support.

Ullu ki Dum (Tail of an owl)- I mean, Jai Hind!

Matrimonially Humourous

Matrimonial Ads from 'Professionals'-

 BANKER: 

Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service. 

CAR MECHANIC: 

Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. 

Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. 

DOCTOR: 

Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. 

I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it Anasin, Metasin or Crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. 

Apply or reply. 

DRUNKARD: 

Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. 

I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. 

Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. 

Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample. 

LAWYER: 

I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. 

The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. 

The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. 

Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence. 

SOFTWARE ENGINEER: 

Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities). 

There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. 

She Must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, should be USER FRIENDLY. 

We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer   

Simulation- Marklabs

I am currently teaching a course that uses a simulation called Marklabs that teaches students how to make decisions related to marketing a product. Started by alumni of IIM Indore, this is a good tool indeed for teaching. The emphasis is on Positioning and Segmentation in this one.

Each group of 4-5 students represents a company that is competing with 7-8 other companies. Each set of decisions counts for a period of a year, and one can play any amount of rounds (years) according to the time you have available. Environmental factors and competitors' decisions bring in uncertain elements, and make the process 'fun learning'.

Recommended for use in Business Schools.

Anopheles and Elections 2014

Anopheles, my female mosquito pal visited me yesterday after a long time. She was curious about the elections of 2014. We got talking.

" Can you tell me what is the significance of these elections?" she asked me.
"Well, we have these big two political parties, and then 250 other parties, and we all have a party at the cost of the parties, but they make money by swindling us for five years, so it's actually a party thrown at our cost, to put it simply," I tried explaining.

"And who are contesting, if I may ask?" Anopheles wanted to know.

"Well, there's a religious greeting, and there's a musical composition."
"What do you mean?" She didn't quite get it.

"I mean, the major candidates are Namo and Raga. That's what these names signify."
"Oh, that way. I have tried stinging them, but the Z level security they have was impenetrable."

"Well, they have promised F or FOOD security for all the rest, if not Z," I said.
"And what are the election issues?" Anopheles innocently carried on.

I said, "The same as they were in any earlier one. Poverty, bad infrastructure, good governance..."
She was surprised. " You mean after 1947, not much has changed? "

I said, " We have, we used to expect the moon. Now we are grateful for a piece of earth. And some cooking gas cylinders."

On that note, she promised to fly in again and said goodbye, as she still had to find her dinner in a STING operation.

One By Two- Film Review

This is a good mystery film (!) The hero does not know what he wants. The heroine does not know what she wants. The hero's friends don't know what he wants. It's all mysterious. For the first half,  we don't know what the director wants.

The only people who know what they want are a generation older. The heroine's mom (Lilette) wants to booze- and does it in style. The hero's mom (Rati Agnihotri) wants him married, and that leads to a predictable but funny song and dance sequence with the hero (Abhay Deol) trying to wriggle out of it. Sadly, the funniness does not last.

The heroine (Preeti Desai) makes a good attempt, but the script and pace let her down. Avoidable.