This was a piece written during our MBA placement season after Shaw Wallace had visited campus (IIMB, circa 1984). Enjoy!
Managers 'Pygmalioned'
George Bernard Shaw happened to visit IIMB yesterday, since he was passing through Bangalore. With him had come the irrepressible Eliza Dolittle. The news of their arrival spread like wildfire. In no time at all, a line of twenty-six 'suitors' was ready, asking for her hand. The elite of IIMB were invited, and the rites were to be performed by the placement officer, in the event of Eliza falling for one of the eligibles.
Contrary to tradition, Eliza's creator made a 'proposal'. Said he, "Anyone willing to marry my sweet girl will get Rs. 1,500 a month."
Many eyebrows came up. Mistaking the sentiment behind these, Shaw continued, "Also, you will get Rs. 200 per month..for tiffin."
Now, a few (not less than 15) of the suitors got up from their seats. Bernard Shaw moved forward, to try and contain their glee at the unexpected bonus (200 bucks). He was somewhat surprised when the 'free-wheeling fifteen' made for the door, ignoring his placatory arm.
"Well, to each his own," he said to himself. For, he was a reasonable man.
The rest of the process continued in Room no. 5 in strict confidence. What went on is typified by the following exchange-
SHAW: You see, you are 'experienced'. But we can offer you only 1500 rupees-
SUITOR: Dowry is anti-national.
SHAW: And Rs. 150 for tiffin.
SUITOR: No, I cannot stain the reputation of this institute, our society, our nation.
SHAW: You'll always have Eliza.
SUITOR: What about Tiffin for Eliza?
SHAW: She's on a diet. See her figure!
SUITOR: And lunch....and dinner?
SHAW: Sorry, but my hands are tied. But I can transform you from a country bumpkin into a prince.
SUITOR: Talk sense. Who can afford the lifestyle of a prince? Being a manager is difficult enough.
SHAW: Well, what's your answer?
SUITOR: Only if you pay the dry-cleaning charges for my suit.
SHAW: Actually, Eliza prefers an 'inexperienced' husband. She has her reasons.
SUITOR: Yeah, the chief one being that they come CHEAP. (Walks out in a huff)
Question to ponder: What should Eliza do?
Supplementary: What should (ponderous) Shaw do?
THE (not-so-sweet) END.
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